All Over The Place

I still stand by my claim, that nothing really surprises me anymore. But that doesn’t mean I’m immune to being floored. This past weekend I was called, “daddy,” and in the most G-rated way possible. I had thought about the possibility of my soon to be step-daughter using that word on me, but I didn’t really think it would happen. It’s the most flattering, yet terrifying word she could utter. And I never took to the time to Google how I should handle the situation. Truth be told, I kinda wish I could be “daddy” but, she has a father and it’s his right to be the only dad in her life and I have zero interest in getting between them or doing anything to undermine their relationship. I’m not sure how to make her understand this, and I pride myself on being able to talk to kids, but maybe that’s just because I can look them in the eye without bending down.

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I very much dislike the feeling of sitting on a cold toilet. I’m sure there have been some studies that have concluded the shock to one’s body from sitting on a cold toilet seat is on par with brain freeze. But to sit on a warm toilet seat has to be one of the most disgusting things a human can legally be put through.

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The on going debate in our home has been; which is the correct way to stir. The lady stirs clockwise, citing the earth’s rotation and professional mixers as evidence that her way is correct. Other evidence introduced is the fact that her mother and grandmother also subscribe to the clockwise motion. Now I stir counter-clockwise, also known as the “correct way.” It just makes more sense. How do you draw a circle or write the letter “O”? You use the counter-clockwise motion of course, unless you’re left-handed, but then you don’t really count as a person anyway. You just pull the spoon, or whatever utensil you may be using, towards your body. It’s more economical, and although I have no proof, I’m sure it’s also more effective. So powers at be, I ask you, please offer a grant so that some University can research this matter and officially back me up on this.

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Now I’ve been working the same job for a little over a year now. And when people ask me what I do, I’m able to give them my title “Program/Project Manager” and a broad explanation of what it is that I do here. It isn’t that I don’t want to get into it. No, I really don’t know. It’s starting to bother me, and I’m getting more and more stressed by this fact. It won’t be long till I actually do something about it, like you know, try and learn my job. But if they’re gonna find out and fire me, I just hope it’s after the wedding. You can’t fire someone whose planning a wedding, can you? That’s one tier below firing a pregnant woman.

***

Speaking of work, I was recently assigned a new project. So I was starting to stress about it, so much in fact that I didn’t sleep well. So poorly in fact, that I woke up at 4am. So awake in fact, that I drove my ass to work at 5:30 so I could start working on the project. It actually went better than I expected. And I really don’t hate going in that early, it’s a lot easier for me to go in early than it is to stay late. I spend the entire day with one eye on the clock, waiting for the time where I improperly shut off my laptop, grab my shit and head for the door. Just so I can get home and hit the couch, but I move like I have a real purpose. So needless to say, last night I was tired as hell. And that’s a dangerous cycle to mess around with. I really don’t want to start coming to work at 5:30. Leaving the house at 6:45, as I normally do, is early enough.

***

So I was reading a story about this little girl in Texas. Her body was found, and for months they didn’t know who she was. Well they found out who did it and arrested her mother and father, if that isn’t losing a couple of terms loosely then I don’t know what is. Anyway, this won’t sound right but stay with me. It isn’t that I can accept when a parent snaps, and does something awful and it results in the death of their child, but I can somewhat understand it. Something snapped, they obviously weren’t equipped to handle having a child and they fucked up and did something horrible. I can understand that to some extent, but to torture a kid like these sick fucks did? It’s beyond twisted. On the totem pole of pieces of shit, the parent that snaps and kills their child is at the bottom. But parents like these? They deserve their very own totem pole. Even though I don’t believe in it, I hope there is a hell, just so they can go there.