March 20th approaches....

March 20th. Happy Birthday to my man Mikey V. And for V's birthday, I am going to retell his favorite story. Because March 20th isnt just Mikes 28th bday. March 20th marks the 12th anniversary of my CARJACKING.

So walk with me if you will. Back in time. A brisk March night much like tonight. (Somewhere I'm sure) I'm out with Paul and Brandon, catching a flick. Naked Gun 33 1/3. Not nearly as good as the first two. So it's been a dissapointing night. Plus I'm about to head to Puerto Vallarta for spring break, so all I want is out of Kansas. So we drop Paul off and head towards Brandons house.

It's a little past 12 and we driving through his neighborhood, hood if you will. 127th and Switzer. Right near Blue Valley Northwest. We see a few kids out running in front of a house. Must be out tp'ing or playing some ding dong ditch. Good times. Even if they are a little old for it.

So Brandon is about to get out of the car, and we see these 2 fellas coming up towards my car. Look to be about our age, maybe we know them just don't recognize them yet? Huh. Wait, this asshole is opening my door.

"We just shot someone and we need your car, I dont want to do this violently," he says before lifting his shirt to show me his 38, as I also notice blood on his hand. Aint this about a bitch. The other guy goes around to Brandons side. He tells me to write down his pager # and callhim in an hour or so and I'll get my car back. But if I call the police he'll come back and deal with us. So I write down his pager number, as I also collect a few tapes of mine. Look it was 94, I was 17. I didnt have a cd player in the car ok? Just leave it alone. But I made some bad ass mix tapes. And I'll be damned if they get my car AND tapes.

Next the other asshole says "hey, where did Fish go?" to his partner in crime, literally. My ears perk up. Thats the nickname of a guy I work with at Original Pizza. And well when we saw these guys running in front of that house, there was 3 of them. Now theres 2. Did someone recognize me? So I ask the idiots. "Chris Fish.?.er, I wont finish his name to protect the guilty. Very, very quickly the 2 guys tell me no, not him. Um, right. And I'm 6'3.

So here we are, walking into Brandons parents house. They aren't expecting me. "um, outside, yeah uh..we just got carjacked" Cue his Moms WHAT THE ?!?! reaction. Now I got my car back the next day. Understand at this time in my life, I never put more than $5 in the tank (this is when $5 got me a half tank though) But for some reason, I filled it up that weekend. I got the friggin thing back on E!!! These idiots stole a 1988 Nissan Sentra, at gun point, and spent the night driving around. Americas dumbest criminals, we have a winner. This is 1994, OJ is in the news. Kato. Trial of the century.

And now, Hirp gets to take the stand against his CARJACKERS. I'm there, giving my statement with my own little fan club of V, Jared (ass) Mrs V and my folks. I'm hard enough to understand. But on the stand, nervous AND trying not to laugh at all this? I wonder what the stenographer entered for my testimony. Now I was on the high school newspaper staff, and never had a story on the front page (they didnt think movie reviews or sports stories were worthy, up yours Mac) But a story about me, made the front page. Beat that with a stick.

March 20th. Happy Birthday V.
(note: I wrote this and decided hell with it, it's gotta run early so sue me)