Maul rats

So many of you know I've worked at the local mall for some time. Long enough to actually call it a sentence (I'm getting paroled real soon though) And in my time, I've come up with a few rules I'd like to see enforced.

First, it should be noted I like kids. Get along well with them, and they seem to like me. Parents trust me with their kids. Even after I make jokes about the soft spot on a babies head. But now that we have that out of the way, parents I need you to pay attention here. The mall, although known for mall walkers, isn't a good place to let lil Timmy learn how to walk. Especially during the hell, er, Christmas Season. It isn't cute that I have to be stuck behind you as you bark at your kid to hurry up. I see you pushing the stroller, pick Junior up and strap him in. And what goes through your head as you let him navigate the stairs? The lil booger fell down standing still. Do you really think the other 60 people who are in a mad dash, are entertained by the fact they are gonna be on those stairs for 10 minutes?

It's not just the parents with kids on the stairs that are trouble. Its those couples, or groups of teenagers walking side by side who think the staircase is 20 feet wide and act surprised when they meet up with someone going the other direction. Seriously, some time soon someone is gonna get a foot in the chest to get them out of the way. I'm not even joking a little bit.

The one positive thing about a mall, can be girl watching. Ah, but this gets tricky. In this day and age, most girls don't look their age. So you look forward to when school is in, so you can be pretty sure if you see a girl in the mall in the middle of the afternoon, that she is of age and works there. But lets be honest, there's more than a few who dropped out of school and now work full time. So they may not be 18. But I see that the same as Lebron James or Kevin Garnett skipping college. They just declared themselves eligible for the draft. Maybe not ready for the big leagues just yet but they have the body of a pro, just need to work on the fundamentals. A project if you will. I'm not condoning this, just as I don't think its wise for someone like Korleon Young to skip college. But it happens. Side note, this rule doesn't apply to my nieces, my friends daughters or my nieces friends. They aren't allowed to date or even talk to boys till they are either 35, or I'm dead. Whichever happens LAST.

Game on

So a few years back a friend and I kinda came up with this game to help pass the time at work. There's really no winner (not true, I win everytime.) So without further ado, here are the rules.

Take a movie you like that is atleast 15-20 years old. And recast it with todays actors. Not because you actually want to see these movies remade, there's no fad I'd rather see killed off faster than this one.

I'll go first.

The Godfather
Vito Corleone- Christopher Walken
Michael Corleone- Tough one for me, between Adrian Brody and Ed Norton, I'll pick Norton.
Sonny Corleone- Joaquin Phoenix
Tom Hagen- Jeremy Piven
Kay Adams- Charlize Theron
Connie- Jennifer Connely
Luca Brasi- Brad Gilbert
Moe Greene- Sean Penn

What a pisser

So I was watching The Big Idea With Donny Deutsch, and he was talking to KU alum, Bob Dole. Notice, we celebrate he's KU alum, yet ignore he's a republican. Anyway, they were talking about the fact that Bob was a pitchman for Viagra, and now DITKA is doing Levitra ads, so Donny comments that a guy has to be comfortable in his own skin to do those kind of commercials. So far, nothing funny I know. But he says this while wearing a purple shirt. A purple shit?! Okay, first thought. For wearing K States colors, Bob should have swung his lifeless arm with the pen, right into Donny's eye. Secondly. How comfortable in your skin do you have to be to wear purple anyway!? Call Vegas, tell them to put this on the book. Guy gets some wearing purple shirt vs guy gets some taking viagra. My money is on the viagra guy every time.

Best of 05

Still waiting to see some more flicks before the top 10 list comes out. So for now, I'm doing my pitch weekly-esque best of post. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not about to get all choked up about the end of this year. In fact, the sooner its over the better. But lets revist some highlights eh?

Best casino: Mandalay Bay
Best poker win: My first ever OST win, fittingly I knocked out Kendall after some heads up play
Best night of poker: Winning nearly $400 at Isle of Capri
Best purchase: IPod, followed by DVR
Best movie line: (tie) both from Wedding Crashers
John Beckwith: You look beat. Soft mattress?
Jeremy Grey: Soft mattress? Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room last night. One of those three probably contributed to the lack of sleep.
and
John Beckwith: Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.
Jeremy Grey: Yeah? Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me.
Biggest guilty pleasure: Those damn Laguna Beach girls
Best TV show: Entourage
Best Pizza: Anthony's, thanks to the Sussmans for bring it out.
Best Trip: Vegas Baby!
Best Video game: World Series of Poker for XBox
Best story: Benjamin talking about his dad and I in a shower. That's all you get here. Want the whole story, you gotta ask.

2005 Playlist

So it's about that time. The year is winding down. Perfect time for top 10 lists to start popping up. And since there's still a few movies I need to see before I can make that list, I will start off with the Hirp 2005 Playlist. In no real order

1. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing Jack Johson
2. Home Marc Broussard
3. Oridinary People John Legend
4. Dear Summer Jay-Z
5. When I'm Gone Eminem
6. Heard 'Em Say Kanye West
7. Mr. Brightside The Killers
8. Till Kindome Comes Coldplay
9. It Wasn't You Nas feat. Lauryn Hill
10. We Aint The Game feat. Eminem
11.Dreamgirl Dave Matthews Band
12.Breathe Anna Nalik
13.Best of You Foo Fighters
14.Testify Common
15.Swing Away Rise Against


I'll start updating my blog more often. Just to quiet down Kdub. You'd think with new born twins he wouldn't have time to harass me. Ah but he makes time.