Hirpasms

I really need to step up my blog game, as the kids would say. I’m not sure what has happened. I tell myself that it’s normal, just a phase. I’m sure everyone has swings in their blogging frequency. I haven’t had the time, I’ve been tired, I just haven’t felt it lately. They are all excuses, I know this. It comes down to just making the effort and finding the time. It isn’t as if every entry requires a substantial amount of time, sometimes I can pound out a quick yet quality post in just a few moments. So I’m going to make an effort going forward. That’s the only promise I can make right now.

• I’m a bit bummed that I didn’t win the $314 million powerball this weekend. It isn’t like I was planning on spending every dime. I had a very well thought out plan for the money. I’m considering pressing charges against the winner, er, thief who stole my millions from me. Revenge will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine.

• No one, not even a Powerball winner, has more luck than Vinnie Chase and the boys. Who else runs into Kanye West at an airport and bums a ride to Cannes? Can private jets really just change their flight plans like that? That should probably worry us right? Bin Laden supposedly has a bit of disposable income, why doesn’t he just charter his next terrorist attack?

I read that we will never hear Mrs. Ari Gold’s first name, but at some point we will find out Turtle’s real name. I’m guessing it’s not something as boring as Anthony, but something more like Anofrio or Salvatore.

• I love it, I just read that Michael Vick said, “through this situation, I’ve found Jesus.” He also apologized to his fans, the NFL and pretty much everyone else. Why can’t he just tell the truth? He’s sorry he just cost himself something like $80 million because he was a complete idiot? No need to talk about Jesus, or a fake apology to the kids. He’s sorry he’s going to be spending a nice portion of his life in a very cold cell. He’s sorry that instead of cashing checks, he has to write large checks to pay for his mistake. He’s sorry that he got caught, and that’s about it. I’d love to see an honest apology like that.

Really, what are we supposed to think? Oh, you’re sorry and on top of that you found Jesus. I guess that makes it all worth it. I think we would all be better off had he never found Jesus if that meant he also never found dog fighting. Apologizing after you cop a plea doesn’t mean shit. It’s like a kid apologizing for skipping class, only after getting caught. After the fact apologies have about as much value as shit in a paper bag.

• So Britney Spears turned down a duet with Justin that was to be produced by Timbaland. Basically, she’s drowning in the middle of the Pacific and when a 60’ yacht came to her rescue, she thought treading water was a better option. Those sharks nipping at her white trash heels must not be a concern for her. Seriously, she’s completely retarded. Everything he touches goes platinum right now, and everything she touches turns into litigation.