This is where I sound like an old fuddy duddy, and I really don’t even care. Earlier this week I saw a Facebook update where a friend said he was watching the “Fat-chelor” (he swears it’s not his term, and I believe him). Now I’m pretty much in the mind set that “The Bachelor” is awful television, and here it is, bad for our kids. Now we have the, well, “super sized” version with “More to Love.”
This is the last thing our kids, especially the girls, need to see. It was bad enough for their self-image, when all they saw was pretty (see: skinny) girls acting like douches to get the affection of some douche bag, because he had the right bone structure. Ah, but they were all there for the “right reasons” (I’m aiming to set a personal record for quotation mark usage in one post). And we know the producers care, because they’re now giving us a show that the heavier girls can watch. The highlights tell me this, and that these women are just so damn proud of their bodies, and want someone to love them just the way they are.
If these producers had a soul, there’d only be one show. Not a skinny show and a fat show. What really pisses me off about this, is only one title references the body types of the contestants. Reminds me of when we call a great Spike Lee movie a great “black” movie. When you have two groups of women, and we refer to one group as just women, and the other as plus size or “More to Love” you aren’t doing any of them any favors, especially the viewers at home. “The Bachelorette” is a normal, or what should be normal, woman. “More to Love” is women who are different, because why? They don’t barf after every meal.
As an uncle to girls, this sort of thing really pissed me off. Now that I’m helping raise a girl, and I hear more about how self conscious girls are at such early ages, it pretty much makes me want to throw a shoe at my TV. Wait, I don’t mean that, sorry TV. I love you, you know this.
At the same time, we can’t just blame the producers. It’s the public that eats this shit up. But what came first, the chicken or the shit? This isn’t good for young boys either, who catch mommy and daddy watching these shows. Movies are bad enough, with the whole portraying of what they want us to consider beautiful. But this is “reality” television, so its message is allegedly real. And that’s bullshit. The Kyd doesn’t need the television getting in her head, it’s already tough enough just finding friends to sit with in the cafeteria on the first day of second grade.
July 30, 2009
July 29, 2009
Time Travel
My cousin sent me a story this morning, about a chance meeting with former Tiger and Reds manager, Sparky Anderson. He and his brother grew up in Detroit as Tiger fans, and his brother (along with the movie Mask) were really the catalyst behind my baseball card collection, which I still have, although I think the idea of it paying for my college might have missed its target. Maybe one day the Kyd will want them, or her (just shit my pants) son (my grandson) will. Please hold, I’m going to throw up, I’ll be right back.
Anyway, reading his email about the conversation he had with one of his hero’s got me to thinking about my childhood heroes. I was pretty lucky as a kid, and met more than a few ball players. When I was 11, some friends and I were allowed to skip Hebrew School to go to a baseball card store in Danbury Connecticut and meet Darryl Strawberry. This is back when Darryl was the man, a World Champion, a lock for the Hall of Fame and destined for at least joining the 500 HR club. At 11, this was one of the highlights of my young life. Later that year, after a Met game, we were able to meet, and get an autograph from the Met skipper, Davey Johnson. And a few months after that, we went to a book signing by Duke Snider. Who actually wasn’t a hero, but a Hall of Famer and a class act.
We moved to Kansas when I was 12, and within just a few months, we met Danny Tartabull at a local grocery store. My buddy across the street was the nephew of an Oakland A’s catcher, who also lived in the neighborhood. I saw a bus load of A’s go to his house one afternoon, including Rickey Henderson, Dennis Eckersley and Dave Stewart, and even though I didn’t meet them, I was pissing myself to just see them in my neighborhood. And then we found out where to stand after games, to meet ball players as they went to their cars, or as visiting players got on their bus.
Fast forward to 1995, and the strike has come to an end. Word spread that the Cleveland Indians were staying in the same hotel that my Bar Mitzvah reception was held, so a friend and I headed right over. I met Eddie Murray (questioned him on the Mets, and he said they’d never win, because the exec’s had no clue) Carlos Baerga, Jim Thome, Kenny Lofton and Manny Ramirez. I talked to Dave Winfield and Mark Clark, and saw Tony Pena getting in an elevator with two young ladies. At the Royals game the night before, we saw Albert Belle (world class Asshole) respond to a mother who was asking for an autograph for her son, that if she got in his limo they “could discuss it.”
I was no longer a kid, and I was seeing these guys for what they really are for the first time. A friend in college met Paul Pierce, who told her “I own this campus, I can get my D**k sucked anytime.” You stay classy, Paul. Later I saw Tony Gonzalez and Warren Moon in a local bar, surrounded by women, and it was no secret that Moon was married. I even was able to attend the wedding reception for a well compensated, often injured, Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher. See, I’ve been pretty damn lucky. But to have the opportunity, to go back to when I didn’t know them as assholes, man, that just sounds too good to pass up. To actually, even if just for a day, reclaim some of that innocence, is priceless, even when done so vicariously.
But this morning I read this email from my cousin, who is no stranger to rubbing elbows with familiar names and faces, and the picture of him and Sparky looked like it was just a picture of a 12 year old and one of his heroes. So I’m wondering, and day dreaming, about whom from my childhood, would have that effect on me.
There’s always Dwight Gooden. Put his well covered troubles aside, and even though I can’t say his name without wondering “what if,” I know just how clammy my hands would get. Just how dry my mouth would get, hell, just typing about it, I am starting to feel all those things. Mike Tyson and Lawrence Taylor also make my list, but again, there’s so much drama connected with those guys. I really wonder if I’d have such an innocent moment of reliving my childhood if I came face to face with them, or if I’d be filled with the disappointment of what could have been.
Magic Johnson, he absolutely would make me feel 12 again. Sadly, the 12 year old Hirp wasn’t much shorter than the 32 year old is. But I’d have my hair again, so there’s that. I think Billy Joel, Mookie Wilson, Wally Backman, and Roger McDowell would bring out the 12 year old me. And talking about “bringing out the kid in me” it’s hard to pass up on the obvious Michael Jackson jokes. But this is bigger than that; I hate myself for even thinking those jokes.
So I must say thanks to my cuz, for sharing his story and pictures, and getting me to spend some time thinking about the 12 year old version of me.
Anyway, reading his email about the conversation he had with one of his hero’s got me to thinking about my childhood heroes. I was pretty lucky as a kid, and met more than a few ball players. When I was 11, some friends and I were allowed to skip Hebrew School to go to a baseball card store in Danbury Connecticut and meet Darryl Strawberry. This is back when Darryl was the man, a World Champion, a lock for the Hall of Fame and destined for at least joining the 500 HR club. At 11, this was one of the highlights of my young life. Later that year, after a Met game, we were able to meet, and get an autograph from the Met skipper, Davey Johnson. And a few months after that, we went to a book signing by Duke Snider. Who actually wasn’t a hero, but a Hall of Famer and a class act.
We moved to Kansas when I was 12, and within just a few months, we met Danny Tartabull at a local grocery store. My buddy across the street was the nephew of an Oakland A’s catcher, who also lived in the neighborhood. I saw a bus load of A’s go to his house one afternoon, including Rickey Henderson, Dennis Eckersley and Dave Stewart, and even though I didn’t meet them, I was pissing myself to just see them in my neighborhood. And then we found out where to stand after games, to meet ball players as they went to their cars, or as visiting players got on their bus.
Fast forward to 1995, and the strike has come to an end. Word spread that the Cleveland Indians were staying in the same hotel that my Bar Mitzvah reception was held, so a friend and I headed right over. I met Eddie Murray (questioned him on the Mets, and he said they’d never win, because the exec’s had no clue) Carlos Baerga, Jim Thome, Kenny Lofton and Manny Ramirez. I talked to Dave Winfield and Mark Clark, and saw Tony Pena getting in an elevator with two young ladies. At the Royals game the night before, we saw Albert Belle (world class Asshole) respond to a mother who was asking for an autograph for her son, that if she got in his limo they “could discuss it.”
I was no longer a kid, and I was seeing these guys for what they really are for the first time. A friend in college met Paul Pierce, who told her “I own this campus, I can get my D**k sucked anytime.” You stay classy, Paul. Later I saw Tony Gonzalez and Warren Moon in a local bar, surrounded by women, and it was no secret that Moon was married. I even was able to attend the wedding reception for a well compensated, often injured, Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher. See, I’ve been pretty damn lucky. But to have the opportunity, to go back to when I didn’t know them as assholes, man, that just sounds too good to pass up. To actually, even if just for a day, reclaim some of that innocence, is priceless, even when done so vicariously.
But this morning I read this email from my cousin, who is no stranger to rubbing elbows with familiar names and faces, and the picture of him and Sparky looked like it was just a picture of a 12 year old and one of his heroes. So I’m wondering, and day dreaming, about whom from my childhood, would have that effect on me.
There’s always Dwight Gooden. Put his well covered troubles aside, and even though I can’t say his name without wondering “what if,” I know just how clammy my hands would get. Just how dry my mouth would get, hell, just typing about it, I am starting to feel all those things. Mike Tyson and Lawrence Taylor also make my list, but again, there’s so much drama connected with those guys. I really wonder if I’d have such an innocent moment of reliving my childhood if I came face to face with them, or if I’d be filled with the disappointment of what could have been.
Magic Johnson, he absolutely would make me feel 12 again. Sadly, the 12 year old Hirp wasn’t much shorter than the 32 year old is. But I’d have my hair again, so there’s that. I think Billy Joel, Mookie Wilson, Wally Backman, and Roger McDowell would bring out the 12 year old me. And talking about “bringing out the kid in me” it’s hard to pass up on the obvious Michael Jackson jokes. But this is bigger than that; I hate myself for even thinking those jokes.
So I must say thanks to my cuz, for sharing his story and pictures, and getting me to spend some time thinking about the 12 year old version of me.
July 27, 2009
Dream Teams
I was probably eight, or maybe nine, the first time I sat down with a pen and a piece of paper and drafted up my “Dream Team.” Years before I even knew what fantasy sports were, let alone started to play. Lately I’ve found myself bouncing ideas of off a few friends for a brilliant idea we had some ten years ago, and continue to revisit every few years. But the past few days I’ve had a different team in mind.
This time I’m not thinking of how Tony Gwynn and Eric Davis would share the outfield with Darryl Strawberry. I’m thinking more about movies. Picking a favorite writer, director and even a few actors to work on one movie, without even considering what the story might be about.
Originally, my “A” team included Aaron Sorkin and Steven Soderbergh. Then I read that Sorkin had signed on to help out with Soderbergh’s Moneyball. So I scratched that idea, and here are some teams I’d like to see:
Writer: Stephen Gaghan (Traffic, Syriana)
Director: Peter Berg (The Kingdom, Friday Night Lights)
Actor: Denzel Washington
Writer: Scott Frank (Out of Sight, Get Shorty)
Director: Doug Liman (Bourne Identiy, Swingers, Mr. and Mrs Smith)
Actor: Will Smith
Writer: Nicholas Pileggi (Goodfellas, Casino)
Director: Ben Affleck (Gone Baby Gone)
Actor: Robert Downey Jr.
Writer: Kenneth Lonegran (You Can Count On Me, Analyze This)
Director: Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Made)
Actor: Terrence Howard
This time I’m not thinking of how Tony Gwynn and Eric Davis would share the outfield with Darryl Strawberry. I’m thinking more about movies. Picking a favorite writer, director and even a few actors to work on one movie, without even considering what the story might be about.
Originally, my “A” team included Aaron Sorkin and Steven Soderbergh. Then I read that Sorkin had signed on to help out with Soderbergh’s Moneyball. So I scratched that idea, and here are some teams I’d like to see:
Writer: Stephen Gaghan (Traffic, Syriana)
Director: Peter Berg (The Kingdom, Friday Night Lights)
Actor: Denzel Washington
Writer: Scott Frank (Out of Sight, Get Shorty)
Director: Doug Liman (Bourne Identiy, Swingers, Mr. and Mrs Smith)
Actor: Will Smith
Writer: Nicholas Pileggi (Goodfellas, Casino)
Director: Ben Affleck (Gone Baby Gone)
Actor: Robert Downey Jr.
Writer: Kenneth Lonegran (You Can Count On Me, Analyze This)
Director: Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Made)
Actor: Terrence Howard
July 23, 2009
KU, Obama and Links. Oh my
Last weekend some old friends came in to town, and we had a great time. Saturday afternoon we all went up to Lawrence, which was the Kyd’s first trip to Larry town. First of all, I’ve never seen a kid do so well when hanging out with only grown ups. She did it in Mexico, and she hit another Home Run last weekend. It’s remarkable to see her really connect with our friends, and carry on real conversations. But aside from getting a little bored by our trip down memory lane, she really enjoyed Lawrence. She probably didn’t love us telling her about “when you come here” as much as we enjoyed saying it. But really, she better not ever dance on a bar on Mass or live in one of those sorority houses.
I was 12, when I went to visit my cousin at UCLA, and I fell in love with that school right then. The Kyd has had a soft spot in her heard for KU, for at least as long as I’ve been around, and probably longer since she’s got such a great and intelligent mother. I really hope that she looks back on that day trip and smiles, for years to come. Now I have to figure out how we’d ever afford for her to attend KU. Brilliant Kyd, wonder if we can just assume she’ll get a full ride scholarship.
***
So President Obama held a press conference on health reform last night, and I watched some of it. Bad American, I know, sue me. Here’s what drives me nuts (among 453,248 other items). Those Americans who are against doing anything that another country manages to do successfully. It’s “socialist” or “fascism”. Puh-lease. Even if the idea is borrowed from a Socialist Government, it doesn’t make the idea a bad one. Tinkering with the way we do things is also how we make progress. I don’t know anyone who is happy with how things are these days, and I’ve read plenty of comments from people who want to go “back to when…” And on occasion, a step back is actually progress. But to just run back to “then” because the unknown is scary, that’s just straight up cowardly. And to sound all patriotic, for just a second, that isn’t what our fore (or in some cases, four) fathers had in mind.
We were watching a “Mythbusters” last week, in which they were answering the challenges of all the conspiracy theorists, who believe we never made it to the Moon 40 years ago. They debunked all those claims by the way, but it got my wife and I talking. We haven’t done anything like that since. Even if there’s no big pay day in doing it again, we should go back to the moon. Let’s inspire the kids, or the next generation, and show them we’re a people that can really get some amazing shit done. Some times we do it just ‘cause we can, but at least they’ll learn that (pause for effect) Yes We Can.
***
This is one disgusting story: http://tinyurl.com/m8k5wz Sisters married the same guy, like, at the same time. No, really. I mean it. Yep, you just threw up in your mouth a little too, sorry. Might be time we consider selling off Utah to help with the National Debt.
Here is one of my new, daily visit required, favorite sites: http://mikerevolution.posterous.com/
I was 12, when I went to visit my cousin at UCLA, and I fell in love with that school right then. The Kyd has had a soft spot in her heard for KU, for at least as long as I’ve been around, and probably longer since she’s got such a great and intelligent mother. I really hope that she looks back on that day trip and smiles, for years to come. Now I have to figure out how we’d ever afford for her to attend KU. Brilliant Kyd, wonder if we can just assume she’ll get a full ride scholarship.
***
So President Obama held a press conference on health reform last night, and I watched some of it. Bad American, I know, sue me. Here’s what drives me nuts (among 453,248 other items). Those Americans who are against doing anything that another country manages to do successfully. It’s “socialist” or “fascism”. Puh-lease. Even if the idea is borrowed from a Socialist Government, it doesn’t make the idea a bad one. Tinkering with the way we do things is also how we make progress. I don’t know anyone who is happy with how things are these days, and I’ve read plenty of comments from people who want to go “back to when…” And on occasion, a step back is actually progress. But to just run back to “then” because the unknown is scary, that’s just straight up cowardly. And to sound all patriotic, for just a second, that isn’t what our fore (or in some cases, four) fathers had in mind.
We were watching a “Mythbusters” last week, in which they were answering the challenges of all the conspiracy theorists, who believe we never made it to the Moon 40 years ago. They debunked all those claims by the way, but it got my wife and I talking. We haven’t done anything like that since. Even if there’s no big pay day in doing it again, we should go back to the moon. Let’s inspire the kids, or the next generation, and show them we’re a people that can really get some amazing shit done. Some times we do it just ‘cause we can, but at least they’ll learn that (pause for effect) Yes We Can.
***
This is one disgusting story: http://tinyurl.com/m8k5wz Sisters married the same guy, like, at the same time. No, really. I mean it. Yep, you just threw up in your mouth a little too, sorry. Might be time we consider selling off Utah to help with the National Debt.
Here is one of my new, daily visit required, favorite sites: http://mikerevolution.posterous.com/
July 09, 2009
In McCauley Hirp Trust
I, logically speaking, understand why so many people enjoy riding motorcycles. Really, I get it on some level, but that doesn’t mean I agree with it or can’t mock it. Similar to the way that you can understand why I’m mocking it, but still think I’m a jackass. Out on the open road, wind in your face, bugs in your teeth, unable to hear anything with the howling wind. I can see appeal in that, very little, but it’s still something.
So what’s my beef with this activity, that’s enjoyed by millions of Americans? Let’s start hear, and to quote my man Neil McCauley in Heat, “he knew the risks, he didn’t have to be there.” That’s what I think about when I hear about motorcycle accidents. Cold? Yep, very. Makes me a pretty big asshole, I realize that. And its not at all that I’m hoping they get hurt, although I’ve thought I see some dumbass weaving through traffic at twice the speed of everyone else. But that’s what I think when I see the billboards or bumper stickers that warn us that motorcycles are out there.
And you know what else? I really don’t think that makes me very unique. When you see that tiny little two seater, Fortwo, you can’t help but think about how anyone driving one of those is screwed if they get in an accident. It’d still be tragic, but if/when that happens, it’s really not all that shocking. So if you’re riding a motorcycle, and something happens, as it recently did with a co-worker of mine and my sister-in-law years ago, it’s still tragic. But as McCauley said, “it rains, you get wet.”
Another thing that bothers me and this is probably more of the Harley Davidson riders, but the need to dress, head to toe, in apparel that advertises the brand of your bike. I get it, you’re riding one and I can see that, so I’m pretty sure you’re a fan of the brand. The shirt, hat, chaps, vest, jacket and I assume your Harley watch and wallet are just overkill. This is no different than a grown man wearing a Chiefs hat, jersey (probably tucked in), zubuz, visor, boxers and digital watch. Yeah, that’s overkill, and frankly, a little sad.
Actually, it is a little different than those sport geeks, because part of the lure, from what I understand, to the motorcycle enthusiast is the life style. There seems to be something of an outlaw or anti-establishment feel to Harley’s. That comes from the fact that, even if you see a whole group together, they’re all pretty much going alone. And well, I watch a lot of “Gangland” and I see stories on the Hell’s Angels, Bandidos, Mongols, Warlocks or Sons of Silence. So I don’t get how someone trying to feel the freedom that outlaws enjoy, and identify with something anti-establishment can become such a walking billboard. Being a rebel and so obviously brand loyal reminds me of a slutty virgin.
And that brings me to my last reason. To dress like, and identify with some group of outlaws is one thing. No one gets that as well as I do, as I’m a huge fan of Mafioso anything and can’t turn of any show that has to do with gangs. But if I wear colors, like I’m a Crip, or I try to talk like John Gotti, then I’m a damn clown. Clowned by those who really are what I’d be imitating and mocked by the rest of the world for being fake and probably slightly retarded. Hey, it’s your right to ride whatever you want. And more power to you. But just as many don’t understand my affinity for the mafia or hip hop, I don’t really understand all that comes with motorcycle fanatics. Not that I need to, but hey, this is my blog and I’ll write about whatever I want. So there’s that.
***
Steve McNair, tragic story. Sorry to hear what happened, and I always liked the guy. But you’re a married guy in his late 30’s and you have kids. You’re hooking up with a 20 year old that you met at Daves and Busters, and you’re giving her an Escalade. You’re promising her a future, and telling her you’re going to divorce your wife and marry her. This doesn’t, by itself, make you a horrible person deserving of death. But remember what Neil said, “it rains, you get wet.”
My man, it’s awful that you’re gone, but if it wasn’t the girlfriend it could have been the wife. The lesson here, for all men and women is simple. Neil McCauley knows all, and don’t cheat on your spouse.
So what’s my beef with this activity, that’s enjoyed by millions of Americans? Let’s start hear, and to quote my man Neil McCauley in Heat, “he knew the risks, he didn’t have to be there.” That’s what I think about when I hear about motorcycle accidents. Cold? Yep, very. Makes me a pretty big asshole, I realize that. And its not at all that I’m hoping they get hurt, although I’ve thought I see some dumbass weaving through traffic at twice the speed of everyone else. But that’s what I think when I see the billboards or bumper stickers that warn us that motorcycles are out there.
And you know what else? I really don’t think that makes me very unique. When you see that tiny little two seater, Fortwo, you can’t help but think about how anyone driving one of those is screwed if they get in an accident. It’d still be tragic, but if/when that happens, it’s really not all that shocking. So if you’re riding a motorcycle, and something happens, as it recently did with a co-worker of mine and my sister-in-law years ago, it’s still tragic. But as McCauley said, “it rains, you get wet.”
Another thing that bothers me and this is probably more of the Harley Davidson riders, but the need to dress, head to toe, in apparel that advertises the brand of your bike. I get it, you’re riding one and I can see that, so I’m pretty sure you’re a fan of the brand. The shirt, hat, chaps, vest, jacket and I assume your Harley watch and wallet are just overkill. This is no different than a grown man wearing a Chiefs hat, jersey (probably tucked in), zubuz, visor, boxers and digital watch. Yeah, that’s overkill, and frankly, a little sad.
Actually, it is a little different than those sport geeks, because part of the lure, from what I understand, to the motorcycle enthusiast is the life style. There seems to be something of an outlaw or anti-establishment feel to Harley’s. That comes from the fact that, even if you see a whole group together, they’re all pretty much going alone. And well, I watch a lot of “Gangland” and I see stories on the Hell’s Angels, Bandidos, Mongols, Warlocks or Sons of Silence. So I don’t get how someone trying to feel the freedom that outlaws enjoy, and identify with something anti-establishment can become such a walking billboard. Being a rebel and so obviously brand loyal reminds me of a slutty virgin.
And that brings me to my last reason. To dress like, and identify with some group of outlaws is one thing. No one gets that as well as I do, as I’m a huge fan of Mafioso anything and can’t turn of any show that has to do with gangs. But if I wear colors, like I’m a Crip, or I try to talk like John Gotti, then I’m a damn clown. Clowned by those who really are what I’d be imitating and mocked by the rest of the world for being fake and probably slightly retarded. Hey, it’s your right to ride whatever you want. And more power to you. But just as many don’t understand my affinity for the mafia or hip hop, I don’t really understand all that comes with motorcycle fanatics. Not that I need to, but hey, this is my blog and I’ll write about whatever I want. So there’s that.
***
Steve McNair, tragic story. Sorry to hear what happened, and I always liked the guy. But you’re a married guy in his late 30’s and you have kids. You’re hooking up with a 20 year old that you met at Daves and Busters, and you’re giving her an Escalade. You’re promising her a future, and telling her you’re going to divorce your wife and marry her. This doesn’t, by itself, make you a horrible person deserving of death. But remember what Neil said, “it rains, you get wet.”
My man, it’s awful that you’re gone, but if it wasn’t the girlfriend it could have been the wife. The lesson here, for all men and women is simple. Neil McCauley knows all, and don’t cheat on your spouse.
July 08, 2009
Two Quickies
I had a great idea for Bad Boys 3, the one that would never get made. Dump Martain Lawrence, and that Will Smith guy, I mean really, he doesn’t bring in the box office results that I can get. Here it is: Emmanuel Lewis and Gary Coleman. Okay it’s a ridiculous idea for a movie, but a great idea for a sketch. Come back to me “In Living Colour.”
***
I had the Michael Jackson Memorial on my computer yesterday, and let me say this, I hate how jaded and cynical I am. I mean, I love it, because it fuels this blog and 99.84% of all my jokes, that doesn’t mean they’re all funny, but 60% of the time they work every time. But really, I questioned every single aspect of that memorial. I wondered if the Jackson family resembles, in any way at all, a real family, or if they communicate through lawyers and managers only. I couldn’t help but wonder if Jermaine was going to use this to start a comeback of his own. I can guarantee we see at least a few of them on “Idol” next year, and I really expect there to be a reality show from someone in the family, that will deal with only the loss of Michael. I wondered how sincere everyone’s reaction was, did Usher really care that much? And I know damn well that Kenny Ortega brought out that kid at the end for the sole purpose of launching his career, and that’s effin’ disgusting. Or maybe I’m wrong on all of this, and everyone just feels like crap and no one has an agenda.
***
I had the Michael Jackson Memorial on my computer yesterday, and let me say this, I hate how jaded and cynical I am. I mean, I love it, because it fuels this blog and 99.84% of all my jokes, that doesn’t mean they’re all funny, but 60% of the time they work every time. But really, I questioned every single aspect of that memorial. I wondered if the Jackson family resembles, in any way at all, a real family, or if they communicate through lawyers and managers only. I couldn’t help but wonder if Jermaine was going to use this to start a comeback of his own. I can guarantee we see at least a few of them on “Idol” next year, and I really expect there to be a reality show from someone in the family, that will deal with only the loss of Michael. I wondered how sincere everyone’s reaction was, did Usher really care that much? And I know damn well that Kenny Ortega brought out that kid at the end for the sole purpose of launching his career, and that’s effin’ disgusting. Or maybe I’m wrong on all of this, and everyone just feels like crap and no one has an agenda.
Hirp Answers
My cousin recently tweeted that he thought the NBA turned into a fantasy league, so I (and hopefully you) have him to thank for this post. I couldn’t help but wonder when exactly the perception of the NBA changed. Is it really something new, or have things been this way for years, even before fantasy leagues popped up all over the country.
Was it when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar passed on a $1 million offer from the Harlem Globetrotters, and was selected by the Milwaukee Bucks in the NBA AND the New Jersey Nets in the ABA, and informed both teams that he’d sign with the highest bidder? Or was that just an anomaly? Mostly, I believe, the perception of a fantasy league stems from seeing the top players move around so frequently.
Looking back to the 70’s, the players as well as the public had to choose between the NBA and the ABA, and when the decision was made that the NBA was the league, the top players didn’t move around all that often. Dr J was a 76er, as was Moses Malone. Walt Frazier was a Knick and George Gervin a Spur. Then there’s Kareem again, who split the 70’s between Milwaukee and the Lakers. Again, it was a power move that got him to LA, when he felt the city of Milwaukee didn’t meet all his needs, and asked to be dealt to LA or New York. Was that the beginning of the Fantasy League era? I don’t believe so.
As with the 80’s we again saw the top players seldom move around during their primes. But the 80’s did lay down the tracks that lead to the Fantasy Era. Prior to the 1984-85 season they instituted a salary cap and then the lottery draft system for the 1985 draft. Which of course, we all know was famously fixed so that the New York Knicks would get Patrick Ewing. Thanks for that, Mr. Stern.
The cap and lottery worked together in creating an environment that made the Fantasy a reality. The lottery has now been around for 25 years, and the truth is this; having a better chance at picking the top college players doesn’t matter when the organization is clueless. Looking at the all-time records, the worst 10 organizations based on win-loss % are the: Grizzlies, Bobcats, Clippers, Raptors, Timerwolves, Nets, Warriors, Wizards, Cavs and Kings. Only one of those teams made the playoffs last year. Sure, they may flair up on occasion and have some good years, or sold to someone who has a clue, but over time, the bad have been bad. What does that have to do with the lottery? Over the last 10 years those 10 teams have had 22 top 5 picks. Nearly half of the top 5 picks in the league belong to a third of the leagues teams.
I’ll come back to how this has lead to a fantasy league a little later. Now it’s time to introduce another co-conspirator; the kids that came either directly from high school or before their junior year of college. First, this started a youth movement, but also a trend of unproven talent. A 22 year old that played four years of college is not only rare, he’s looked at as being old. The fact that his skill set is more defined, is also perceived as limiting, where as the younger guy has the higher ceiling, simply because less is known.
The sophomore trend began popping up in 1993 with Chris Webber, who went on to have a confusing career. He went from Rookie of the Year to drifter, to “the Man” on a Championship caliber team, to a career shortened by injury. He’s both a disappointment, because we thought he’d redefine his position, but he’s also a borderline Hall of Famer. Jason Kidd was another sophomore turned pro the next year, and has a similar career to Webber (the messy divorce in Dallas, all the talent in the world, but he’s been traded three times, twice by his prime).
Then in 1995, the shit really hit the fan. The top 4 picks had all left school after their sophomore seasons. Joe Smith (bust) Antonio McDyess (bust) Jerry Stackhouse and Rasheed Wallace. The 5th pick in that draft, Kevin Garnett, started a new trend, the direct from high school prospect. The next five drafts gave us Kobe Bryant, Tracy McGrady, Rashard Lewis, Jermaine O’Neal as well as Jonathan Bender, Al Harrington, and Korleone Young, not to mention loads more of sophomore players as well as the one and done kids.
So now we have horribly run teams taking underdeveloped players. That works in one of three ways, but two cases are more frequent. First, you get a hit and the guy works out (Kobe, KG, Antoine Walker) or you get a bust (Tim Thomas, Olowokandi, Robert Traylor) or you get someone who uses his four year contract (as part of the collective bargain agreement) as a tryout for both a bigger contract and a better team (Rip Hamilton, Mike Bibby, Vince Carter, McGrady, Stephon Marbury for examples)
Having guys who don’t go and play three or four years of college ball gives the league underdeveloped talent, who also are so used to being the man in high school and often don’t adjust well to being around so much talent. Yet, teams see where it has worked, and everyone thinks they can get lucky. The lottery has become not just a lottery for position, but talent, everyone betting a buck hoping to get rich.
So what do these poorly run organizations do, when their draft picks are mistakes? They swing for the fences in a little game that I like to call “free agency.” And you know what happens when you have a cap on how much someone can spend, when that person isn’t all that good at budget their money? You get the same thing that would happen if you sent me into Best Buy with a $5,000 gift card. Mistakes.
ESPN.com listed the top 10 worst NBA contracts ever. The list consists of:
Stephon Marbury, four years, $76 million with the Suns in ’03.
Kenyon Martin, seven years $92.5 million with the Nets as part of a sign and trade deal with Denver in ’04.
Allan Houston, seven years, $100 million with the Knicks in ’01.
Keith Van Horn (twice) but the worst was his first with the Nets, for six years and $73 million in ’99.
Vin Baker for seven years and $86 million in ’99 with the Sonics.
Jermaine O’Neal signed for seven years a whopping $126.6million in ’03 with the Pacers.
Bryan Reeves, six years and $64 million in ’97 with the Grizzlies.
Ben Wallace got four years at $60 million in ’06 by the Bulls.
Jim Mcllavine, seven years and $35 million with the Sonics in ’96.
#10 was Juwan Howard, seven years for $105 million in ’96 with the Bullets.
Remember that list of 10 awful franchises? They account for four of these 10 awful deals.
1996 is a key here by the way. What happened in 1996 was the NBA had its first major class of free agents hit the open market. The top two picks from the ’92 draft, Shaquille O’Neal and Alonzo Mourning moved to new teams. Shaq signed for seven years and $121 million and ‘Zo for $105 million. The vaults were open, as seen by the Howard and Mcllavine deals.
The freaks have made everyone’s eyes too big for their stomachs. The world saw the Lakers land Kobe Bryant, but they didn’t take notice of how they didn’t start him full time till his third year. Kevin Garnett was a part time player his rookie year, and didn’t hit his stride till he was 22, oddly enough, the same age as most players who play four years of college ball. Even Jermaine O’Neal and Tracy McGrady were brought along slowly.
In 2006 the league implemented a rule stating that a player must be at least 19 to enter the draft, thus creating the “one and done” rule. And the last three #1 draft picks have been just followed that road. And it isn’t even driven by getting that first big contract, it’s to hurry up and hit free agency as soon as possible, where the real money awaits. The league awaits King James’ free agency after this year, at the tender age of 25. Kirk Hinrich was drafted the same year, and he’ll be 29 after this season. That’s pretty much the beginning of the end for most basketball players. Lebron earned roughly $20 million his first four years in the league, but he doesn’t think that going to college would have cost him $20 million, it’s the fact that it would have cost him two max contracts in his prime, which will bring him over $200 million.
And with guys like him, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh hitting the market at the same time next year, cap space has become more valuable than draft picks. So teams spend years (see the Knicks) acquiring expiring contracts, just with the hopes of being able to land a big fish.
Giving us, the fans, a league that more closely resembles a fantasy league than the league we grew up with. The perception is of today, but the foundation was built over years.
Was it when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar passed on a $1 million offer from the Harlem Globetrotters, and was selected by the Milwaukee Bucks in the NBA AND the New Jersey Nets in the ABA, and informed both teams that he’d sign with the highest bidder? Or was that just an anomaly? Mostly, I believe, the perception of a fantasy league stems from seeing the top players move around so frequently.
Looking back to the 70’s, the players as well as the public had to choose between the NBA and the ABA, and when the decision was made that the NBA was the league, the top players didn’t move around all that often. Dr J was a 76er, as was Moses Malone. Walt Frazier was a Knick and George Gervin a Spur. Then there’s Kareem again, who split the 70’s between Milwaukee and the Lakers. Again, it was a power move that got him to LA, when he felt the city of Milwaukee didn’t meet all his needs, and asked to be dealt to LA or New York. Was that the beginning of the Fantasy League era? I don’t believe so.
As with the 80’s we again saw the top players seldom move around during their primes. But the 80’s did lay down the tracks that lead to the Fantasy Era. Prior to the 1984-85 season they instituted a salary cap and then the lottery draft system for the 1985 draft. Which of course, we all know was famously fixed so that the New York Knicks would get Patrick Ewing. Thanks for that, Mr. Stern.
The cap and lottery worked together in creating an environment that made the Fantasy a reality. The lottery has now been around for 25 years, and the truth is this; having a better chance at picking the top college players doesn’t matter when the organization is clueless. Looking at the all-time records, the worst 10 organizations based on win-loss % are the: Grizzlies, Bobcats, Clippers, Raptors, Timerwolves, Nets, Warriors, Wizards, Cavs and Kings. Only one of those teams made the playoffs last year. Sure, they may flair up on occasion and have some good years, or sold to someone who has a clue, but over time, the bad have been bad. What does that have to do with the lottery? Over the last 10 years those 10 teams have had 22 top 5 picks. Nearly half of the top 5 picks in the league belong to a third of the leagues teams.
I’ll come back to how this has lead to a fantasy league a little later. Now it’s time to introduce another co-conspirator; the kids that came either directly from high school or before their junior year of college. First, this started a youth movement, but also a trend of unproven talent. A 22 year old that played four years of college is not only rare, he’s looked at as being old. The fact that his skill set is more defined, is also perceived as limiting, where as the younger guy has the higher ceiling, simply because less is known.
The sophomore trend began popping up in 1993 with Chris Webber, who went on to have a confusing career. He went from Rookie of the Year to drifter, to “the Man” on a Championship caliber team, to a career shortened by injury. He’s both a disappointment, because we thought he’d redefine his position, but he’s also a borderline Hall of Famer. Jason Kidd was another sophomore turned pro the next year, and has a similar career to Webber (the messy divorce in Dallas, all the talent in the world, but he’s been traded three times, twice by his prime).
Then in 1995, the shit really hit the fan. The top 4 picks had all left school after their sophomore seasons. Joe Smith (bust) Antonio McDyess (bust) Jerry Stackhouse and Rasheed Wallace. The 5th pick in that draft, Kevin Garnett, started a new trend, the direct from high school prospect. The next five drafts gave us Kobe Bryant, Tracy McGrady, Rashard Lewis, Jermaine O’Neal as well as Jonathan Bender, Al Harrington, and Korleone Young, not to mention loads more of sophomore players as well as the one and done kids.
So now we have horribly run teams taking underdeveloped players. That works in one of three ways, but two cases are more frequent. First, you get a hit and the guy works out (Kobe, KG, Antoine Walker) or you get a bust (Tim Thomas, Olowokandi, Robert Traylor) or you get someone who uses his four year contract (as part of the collective bargain agreement) as a tryout for both a bigger contract and a better team (Rip Hamilton, Mike Bibby, Vince Carter, McGrady, Stephon Marbury for examples)
Having guys who don’t go and play three or four years of college ball gives the league underdeveloped talent, who also are so used to being the man in high school and often don’t adjust well to being around so much talent. Yet, teams see where it has worked, and everyone thinks they can get lucky. The lottery has become not just a lottery for position, but talent, everyone betting a buck hoping to get rich.
So what do these poorly run organizations do, when their draft picks are mistakes? They swing for the fences in a little game that I like to call “free agency.” And you know what happens when you have a cap on how much someone can spend, when that person isn’t all that good at budget their money? You get the same thing that would happen if you sent me into Best Buy with a $5,000 gift card. Mistakes.
ESPN.com listed the top 10 worst NBA contracts ever. The list consists of:
Stephon Marbury, four years, $76 million with the Suns in ’03.
Kenyon Martin, seven years $92.5 million with the Nets as part of a sign and trade deal with Denver in ’04.
Allan Houston, seven years, $100 million with the Knicks in ’01.
Keith Van Horn (twice) but the worst was his first with the Nets, for six years and $73 million in ’99.
Vin Baker for seven years and $86 million in ’99 with the Sonics.
Jermaine O’Neal signed for seven years a whopping $126.6million in ’03 with the Pacers.
Bryan Reeves, six years and $64 million in ’97 with the Grizzlies.
Ben Wallace got four years at $60 million in ’06 by the Bulls.
Jim Mcllavine, seven years and $35 million with the Sonics in ’96.
#10 was Juwan Howard, seven years for $105 million in ’96 with the Bullets.
Remember that list of 10 awful franchises? They account for four of these 10 awful deals.
1996 is a key here by the way. What happened in 1996 was the NBA had its first major class of free agents hit the open market. The top two picks from the ’92 draft, Shaquille O’Neal and Alonzo Mourning moved to new teams. Shaq signed for seven years and $121 million and ‘Zo for $105 million. The vaults were open, as seen by the Howard and Mcllavine deals.
The freaks have made everyone’s eyes too big for their stomachs. The world saw the Lakers land Kobe Bryant, but they didn’t take notice of how they didn’t start him full time till his third year. Kevin Garnett was a part time player his rookie year, and didn’t hit his stride till he was 22, oddly enough, the same age as most players who play four years of college ball. Even Jermaine O’Neal and Tracy McGrady were brought along slowly.
In 2006 the league implemented a rule stating that a player must be at least 19 to enter the draft, thus creating the “one and done” rule. And the last three #1 draft picks have been just followed that road. And it isn’t even driven by getting that first big contract, it’s to hurry up and hit free agency as soon as possible, where the real money awaits. The league awaits King James’ free agency after this year, at the tender age of 25. Kirk Hinrich was drafted the same year, and he’ll be 29 after this season. That’s pretty much the beginning of the end for most basketball players. Lebron earned roughly $20 million his first four years in the league, but he doesn’t think that going to college would have cost him $20 million, it’s the fact that it would have cost him two max contracts in his prime, which will bring him over $200 million.
And with guys like him, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh hitting the market at the same time next year, cap space has become more valuable than draft picks. So teams spend years (see the Knicks) acquiring expiring contracts, just with the hopes of being able to land a big fish.
Giving us, the fans, a league that more closely resembles a fantasy league than the league we grew up with. The perception is of today, but the foundation was built over years.
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