I realized something today, a share of stock at the company I work for is selling at just $3.24 more than a share in my company. And I don’t have a company.
Something else about where I work that I just don’t understand. In our restrooms, its all automated. Toilet flushes for you, sink turns on and the soap is dispensed with the help of a sensor. The paper towel, however, is manual. Head to the break area, and everything is manual except, you guessed it, the paper towel. Huh?
*
A woman in Philadelphia was arrested for offering to trade sex for World Series tickets, as she wanted to score some tickets for her husband and herself. I’m pretty sure Mrs. Hirp knows how big of a Met fan I am, and how much I’d love to see them in the Series, but I’m happy to say: she’d never do that.
*
Kate “Mother of the Year” Gosselin has let it be known, that she wants to be in the movies. “I’ve done enough years on TV that I feel like it’s a normal, comfortable, natural place to be,” said the insane woman. How do any of those three adjectives describe life as the star of a reality television show? Maybe it’s normal and comfortable, or even natural, when someone has something close to an actual talent. The Kardashian’s have more to offer a television audience than this lunatic, and I’m not referring to Kim’s ass.
Of course, nothing about raising eight kids would be normal, but I’m pretty sure pimping your children is far from natural. Comfortable for the Joe Jackson’s, Joe Simpson’s and Gosselin’s of the world, but then again, all three of them are loons. And so now she wants to be in movies. That’s just great, I’m sure she can star in a Roman Polanski movie, and being such a fantastic parent, she wouldn’t think twice if he asked her to bring the kids to the set. Her goal just has to be; to see how much she can mess up her kids. It’s only a matter of time before TLC or VH1 throws her, “Octomom,” the Heene’s, and Michael Lohan are starring in “The Surreal Parenting Life.” With idiots like these being so famous, I wonder what Al-Qaeda thinks. No need to plan any more attacks, we’re obviously pretty screwed up as it is.
*
Back in 1994 I was writing for my school newspaper. Yep, I just admitted it. I sucked, by the way. My writing sucked and I was without a doubt, the biggest pain in the ass. I had a thing where I wouldn’t write any of the stories assigned to me if I didn’t want to. A little bratty, I know this, and I knew it then. Thing was, I refused mostly because I was just terrified of interviewing anyone I didn’t know, because that would mean, you know, having to talk to them.
I did, however, write the longest story of the year. I imagine it’s still the longest article ever written for that horribly run paper. It was my NBA Preview, and it ended up appearing in three issues, rather than one, and that still wasn’t enough. What the students of West Beverly missed, was me correctly predicting an NBA Final of the Knicks versus the Rockets. I got the outcome wrong, as I picked the Knicks. Shocker huh?
So today I take my second, much shorter stab at an NBA Preview. I say it’s the Spurs against the Celtics in the Finals, with the Spurs winning the title.
October 29, 2009
October 26, 2009
HirPolitics
We’re not supposed to buy into stereo types, even though we all do, at least occasionally on some level. Most of us, those that HAVE a sense of humor, will enjoy poking fun at those stereo types. The great comedians are able to use those stereo types and our insecurities related to them, as great material. See Larry David, Wanda Sykes, Daniel Tosh, Mel Brooks, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle and anyone else that’s funnier than Dane Cook for examples. But the thing about those stereotypes is, there’s always a group of people who fit the bill perfectly.
I recently read a story about how Rush Limbaugh fell for a hoax regarding President Obama. The hoax goes like this, Limbaugh reported a story as fact on his show, and that story claimed that the President wrote a thesis in college that slammed the Constitution.
"While political freedom is supposedly a cornerstone of the document, the distribution of wealth is not even mentioned," read the bogus Columbia University thesis. "While many believed that the new Constitution gave them liberty, it instead fitted them with the shackles of hypocrisy."
So Rush takes to the airways, and tells his moronic listeners all about it. Then he later finds out the thesis never existed. Does he apologize for not doing any actual reporting? No, of course not, instead he takes the stance that it’s satire, but in all good comedy must contain an element of the truth. “And we know how he feels about the distribution of wealth.”
I guess, Rush, that means all the jokes we hear about you being a racist, hate mongering, anti-Semitic, pill popping, “big fat idiot” must be based on some truth, and you’re admitting as much by giving the hoax even the slightest bit of credibility. That’s fantastic. Thanks for admitting what millions already knew. I guess that also makes any jokes I make about your listeners, based on truth, even if I haven’t done the research to back up just how stupid they are.
See Rush, you do as much to make white men look stupid as OJ Simpson does to make black men look violent, or Madoff does to make Jews look greedy and Bin Laden does to make Muslims look hateful and dangerous. Good job, asshole.
Now here’s what I want to see, but it never will happen. I want to see Fox News, yes you Bill and Glenn, go on air and blast Rush for failing to do “real reporting” just as you’d blast Jon Stewart if he reported that Limbaugh wrote a thesis at his junior college about bringing back slavery. By the way, I like that I can find videos online that say “the media say Rush Limbaugh was hoaxed” as if Rush isn’t actually a part of the media. So what is he does again?
This all got me to thinking, and I usually avoid that activity at all costs. Recently a hate crime bill passed, that now makes it a federal offense to beat up someone for their sexual orientation. The Republicans were largely against this because it’s already a crime to beat anyone up, and making it a federal offense because of the thought process (or lack thereof) that lead to the attack is “a thought crime.”
On some level, I agree. I’m not sure if it should matter why someone is assaulted, if its their skin color or just because they spilled a beer on you at a bar shouldn’t really matter. Hitting anyone is wrong. But then again, there’s something extra sick about the fact that such violent acts can take place just because we’re different. My point is, I find it damn funny that on one hand Republican’s are afraid of “thought crimes,” because we can’t really measure what one’s thoughts were. And at the same time, so many of these Republicans seem to know exactly what thoughts our President is having, and how he has this awful plot to take over the world.
Is this really so different? Shouldn’t they judge him on his actions, and not what ideology may or may not be inspiring him? Glen Beck can call the President a racist, with a “deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture.” And that matters, but if someone beats the snot out of someone just for being black or gay, well all that really matters is the act. The Republican Party, where logic and common sense go to die.
I recently read a story about how Rush Limbaugh fell for a hoax regarding President Obama. The hoax goes like this, Limbaugh reported a story as fact on his show, and that story claimed that the President wrote a thesis in college that slammed the Constitution.
"While political freedom is supposedly a cornerstone of the document, the distribution of wealth is not even mentioned," read the bogus Columbia University thesis. "While many believed that the new Constitution gave them liberty, it instead fitted them with the shackles of hypocrisy."
So Rush takes to the airways, and tells his moronic listeners all about it. Then he later finds out the thesis never existed. Does he apologize for not doing any actual reporting? No, of course not, instead he takes the stance that it’s satire, but in all good comedy must contain an element of the truth. “And we know how he feels about the distribution of wealth.”
I guess, Rush, that means all the jokes we hear about you being a racist, hate mongering, anti-Semitic, pill popping, “big fat idiot” must be based on some truth, and you’re admitting as much by giving the hoax even the slightest bit of credibility. That’s fantastic. Thanks for admitting what millions already knew. I guess that also makes any jokes I make about your listeners, based on truth, even if I haven’t done the research to back up just how stupid they are.
See Rush, you do as much to make white men look stupid as OJ Simpson does to make black men look violent, or Madoff does to make Jews look greedy and Bin Laden does to make Muslims look hateful and dangerous. Good job, asshole.
Now here’s what I want to see, but it never will happen. I want to see Fox News, yes you Bill and Glenn, go on air and blast Rush for failing to do “real reporting” just as you’d blast Jon Stewart if he reported that Limbaugh wrote a thesis at his junior college about bringing back slavery. By the way, I like that I can find videos online that say “the media say Rush Limbaugh was hoaxed” as if Rush isn’t actually a part of the media. So what is he does again?
This all got me to thinking, and I usually avoid that activity at all costs. Recently a hate crime bill passed, that now makes it a federal offense to beat up someone for their sexual orientation. The Republicans were largely against this because it’s already a crime to beat anyone up, and making it a federal offense because of the thought process (or lack thereof) that lead to the attack is “a thought crime.”
On some level, I agree. I’m not sure if it should matter why someone is assaulted, if its their skin color or just because they spilled a beer on you at a bar shouldn’t really matter. Hitting anyone is wrong. But then again, there’s something extra sick about the fact that such violent acts can take place just because we’re different. My point is, I find it damn funny that on one hand Republican’s are afraid of “thought crimes,” because we can’t really measure what one’s thoughts were. And at the same time, so many of these Republicans seem to know exactly what thoughts our President is having, and how he has this awful plot to take over the world.
Is this really so different? Shouldn’t they judge him on his actions, and not what ideology may or may not be inspiring him? Glen Beck can call the President a racist, with a “deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture.” And that matters, but if someone beats the snot out of someone just for being black or gay, well all that really matters is the act. The Republican Party, where logic and common sense go to die.
October 19, 2009
Buffoon Boy
Like the rest of the world, I was captured by the adventures of balloon boy last week. Well, at first I couldn’t help but laugh. It just seemed too funny, and it was so surreal that I lost the fact that there was a six year old boy in that thing. Then I realized, wow, he’s probably either dead or going to die. The way that thing was moving, I couldn’t imagine him being secured, and I figured his body was just being tossed about like a rag doll, and so he was either going to break his neck up there, freeze to death, die from the helium or from the landing.
Then it landed, and I’m convinced that those on the scene knew he wasn’t in there. Only one guy ran towards it, and then they took forever to really check it out. It looked as if they were more concerned with just keeping it grounded, and not rescuing anyone. The thought has crossed my mind, while the balloon was in flight, that maybe he wasn’t on board, and had hid because he knew he was in deep shit. Then when we knew for sure he wasn’t onboard, I started smelling a hoax.
I really never felt that he just fell out of the thing. I mean, if he did, I imagined the door would be open. He was either hiding, because he messed up his dad’s project, or the family was full of shenanigans. This marks the first time in FromTheHirp history that I’ve used the word, “shenanigans,” and you know what, I have to admit that it felt good. As soon as it came out that his family had been on “Wife Swap” I knew two things. These parents are going to lose custody of their kids, and someone’s getting arrested.
The next day I saw the now infamous clip from Larry King, and it didn’t even phase me. That’s exactly what you’d expect a six year old to do when he’s asked to lie to the nice people. If his parents knew anything, they would have asked him to tell the truth, and maybe whispered how “daddy won’t get in too much trouble, and you can visit him in prison.” Then he would have lied.
I’ve long rallied against reality television, and here’s an event that just gives my argument even more support. This is the type of crap we can expect to happen, as long as we go on rewarding stupidity. Stupidity is the best get rich quick scheme since Ebay, and you don’t even need a computer to be stupid. As that damn thing was flying around Colorado, I know I wasn’t the only one that was already wondering about the first interview with the family and at the very least a guaranteed book deal.
That’s what you get when something goes wrong in your life now, as long as it’s caught on tape. I can only think of one situation, where an average Joe was given the opportunity to cash in on his bad luck and took a pass. That was Cubs fan, Steve Bartman, the guy who reached for a foul ball. He could have written a book, had his own show, probably released a CD (doesn’t matter if he can sing) and maybe even hosted a talk show. Only he has some integrity and class, the idiot.
Really, just look at TLC. Supposedly it’s The Learning Channel, but their programming revolves around stupidity. Act like an idiot, pimp out your kids and legalized kiddie porn:
I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant
Jon & Kate Plus 8
18 Kids and Counting
Say Yes to the Dress
Toddlers and Tiaras
King of the Crown
I’ll tell you the only part of this story that makes complete sense, before CNN has even pieced it together. The “brains” behind this operation, well his name IS Richard. Tell me this is not just absolutely poetic, he’s The Dick.
*
It dawned on me, that if 28 year old me could meet me now, he’d probably make fun of me. He’d probably think that I’m all cheesy for the way I occasionally talk to my wife. So perhaps that means I actually have matured, but then I consider how I’d respond to 28YOM (28 year old me for those of you scoring at home) and I’d tell him to go blank himself, and I know he would.
Then it landed, and I’m convinced that those on the scene knew he wasn’t in there. Only one guy ran towards it, and then they took forever to really check it out. It looked as if they were more concerned with just keeping it grounded, and not rescuing anyone. The thought has crossed my mind, while the balloon was in flight, that maybe he wasn’t on board, and had hid because he knew he was in deep shit. Then when we knew for sure he wasn’t onboard, I started smelling a hoax.
I really never felt that he just fell out of the thing. I mean, if he did, I imagined the door would be open. He was either hiding, because he messed up his dad’s project, or the family was full of shenanigans. This marks the first time in FromTheHirp history that I’ve used the word, “shenanigans,” and you know what, I have to admit that it felt good. As soon as it came out that his family had been on “Wife Swap” I knew two things. These parents are going to lose custody of their kids, and someone’s getting arrested.
The next day I saw the now infamous clip from Larry King, and it didn’t even phase me. That’s exactly what you’d expect a six year old to do when he’s asked to lie to the nice people. If his parents knew anything, they would have asked him to tell the truth, and maybe whispered how “daddy won’t get in too much trouble, and you can visit him in prison.” Then he would have lied.
I’ve long rallied against reality television, and here’s an event that just gives my argument even more support. This is the type of crap we can expect to happen, as long as we go on rewarding stupidity. Stupidity is the best get rich quick scheme since Ebay, and you don’t even need a computer to be stupid. As that damn thing was flying around Colorado, I know I wasn’t the only one that was already wondering about the first interview with the family and at the very least a guaranteed book deal.
That’s what you get when something goes wrong in your life now, as long as it’s caught on tape. I can only think of one situation, where an average Joe was given the opportunity to cash in on his bad luck and took a pass. That was Cubs fan, Steve Bartman, the guy who reached for a foul ball. He could have written a book, had his own show, probably released a CD (doesn’t matter if he can sing) and maybe even hosted a talk show. Only he has some integrity and class, the idiot.
Really, just look at TLC. Supposedly it’s The Learning Channel, but their programming revolves around stupidity. Act like an idiot, pimp out your kids and legalized kiddie porn:
I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant
Jon & Kate Plus 8
18 Kids and Counting
Say Yes to the Dress
Toddlers and Tiaras
King of the Crown
I’ll tell you the only part of this story that makes complete sense, before CNN has even pieced it together. The “brains” behind this operation, well his name IS Richard. Tell me this is not just absolutely poetic, he’s The Dick.
*
It dawned on me, that if 28 year old me could meet me now, he’d probably make fun of me. He’d probably think that I’m all cheesy for the way I occasionally talk to my wife. So perhaps that means I actually have matured, but then I consider how I’d respond to 28YOM (28 year old me for those of you scoring at home) and I’d tell him to go blank himself, and I know he would.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)