Hirplings

I realized something today, a share of stock at the company I work for is selling at just $3.24 more than a share in my company. And I don’t have a company.

Something else about where I work that I just don’t understand. In our restrooms, its all automated. Toilet flushes for you, sink turns on and the soap is dispensed with the help of a sensor. The paper towel, however, is manual. Head to the break area, and everything is manual except, you guessed it, the paper towel. Huh?

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A woman in Philadelphia was arrested for offering to trade sex for World Series tickets, as she wanted to score some tickets for her husband and herself. I’m pretty sure Mrs. Hirp knows how big of a Met fan I am, and how much I’d love to see them in the Series, but I’m happy to say: she’d never do that.

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Kate “Mother of the Year” Gosselin has let it be known, that she wants to be in the movies. “I’ve done enough years on TV that I feel like it’s a normal, comfortable, natural place to be,” said the insane woman. How do any of those three adjectives describe life as the star of a reality television show? Maybe it’s normal and comfortable, or even natural, when someone has something close to an actual talent. The Kardashian’s have more to offer a television audience than this lunatic, and I’m not referring to Kim’s ass.

Of course, nothing about raising eight kids would be normal, but I’m pretty sure pimping your children is far from natural. Comfortable for the Joe Jackson’s, Joe Simpson’s and Gosselin’s of the world, but then again, all three of them are loons. And so now she wants to be in movies. That’s just great, I’m sure she can star in a Roman Polanski movie, and being such a fantastic parent, she wouldn’t think twice if he asked her to bring the kids to the set. Her goal just has to be; to see how much she can mess up her kids. It’s only a matter of time before TLC or VH1 throws her, “Octomom,” the Heene’s, and Michael Lohan are starring in “The Surreal Parenting Life.” With idiots like these being so famous, I wonder what Al-Qaeda thinks. No need to plan any more attacks, we’re obviously pretty screwed up as it is.

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Back in 1994 I was writing for my school newspaper. Yep, I just admitted it. I sucked, by the way. My writing sucked and I was without a doubt, the biggest pain in the ass. I had a thing where I wouldn’t write any of the stories assigned to me if I didn’t want to. A little bratty, I know this, and I knew it then. Thing was, I refused mostly because I was just terrified of interviewing anyone I didn’t know, because that would mean, you know, having to talk to them.

I did, however, write the longest story of the year. I imagine it’s still the longest article ever written for that horribly run paper. It was my NBA Preview, and it ended up appearing in three issues, rather than one, and that still wasn’t enough. What the students of West Beverly missed, was me correctly predicting an NBA Final of the Knicks versus the Rockets. I got the outcome wrong, as I picked the Knicks. Shocker huh?

So today I take my second, much shorter stab at an NBA Preview. I say it’s the Spurs against the Celtics in the Finals, with the Spurs winning the title.