Buffoon Boy

Like the rest of the world, I was captured by the adventures of balloon boy last week. Well, at first I couldn’t help but laugh. It just seemed too funny, and it was so surreal that I lost the fact that there was a six year old boy in that thing. Then I realized, wow, he’s probably either dead or going to die. The way that thing was moving, I couldn’t imagine him being secured, and I figured his body was just being tossed about like a rag doll, and so he was either going to break his neck up there, freeze to death, die from the helium or from the landing.

Then it landed, and I’m convinced that those on the scene knew he wasn’t in there. Only one guy ran towards it, and then they took forever to really check it out. It looked as if they were more concerned with just keeping it grounded, and not rescuing anyone. The thought has crossed my mind, while the balloon was in flight, that maybe he wasn’t on board, and had hid because he knew he was in deep shit. Then when we knew for sure he wasn’t onboard, I started smelling a hoax.

I really never felt that he just fell out of the thing. I mean, if he did, I imagined the door would be open. He was either hiding, because he messed up his dad’s project, or the family was full of shenanigans. This marks the first time in FromTheHirp history that I’ve used the word, “shenanigans,” and you know what, I have to admit that it felt good. As soon as it came out that his family had been on “Wife Swap” I knew two things. These parents are going to lose custody of their kids, and someone’s getting arrested.

The next day I saw the now infamous clip from Larry King, and it didn’t even phase me. That’s exactly what you’d expect a six year old to do when he’s asked to lie to the nice people. If his parents knew anything, they would have asked him to tell the truth, and maybe whispered how “daddy won’t get in too much trouble, and you can visit him in prison.” Then he would have lied.

I’ve long rallied against reality television, and here’s an event that just gives my argument even more support. This is the type of crap we can expect to happen, as long as we go on rewarding stupidity. Stupidity is the best get rich quick scheme since Ebay, and you don’t even need a computer to be stupid. As that damn thing was flying around Colorado, I know I wasn’t the only one that was already wondering about the first interview with the family and at the very least a guaranteed book deal.

That’s what you get when something goes wrong in your life now, as long as it’s caught on tape. I can only think of one situation, where an average Joe was given the opportunity to cash in on his bad luck and took a pass. That was Cubs fan, Steve Bartman, the guy who reached for a foul ball. He could have written a book, had his own show, probably released a CD (doesn’t matter if he can sing) and maybe even hosted a talk show. Only he has some integrity and class, the idiot.

Really, just look at TLC. Supposedly it’s The Learning Channel, but their programming revolves around stupidity. Act like an idiot, pimp out your kids and legalized kiddie porn:

I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant
Jon & Kate Plus 8
18 Kids and Counting
Say Yes to the Dress
Toddlers and Tiaras
King of the Crown


I’ll tell you the only part of this story that makes complete sense, before CNN has even pieced it together. The “brains” behind this operation, well his name IS Richard. Tell me this is not just absolutely poetic, he’s The Dick.

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It dawned on me, that if 28 year old me could meet me now, he’d probably make fun of me. He’d probably think that I’m all cheesy for the way I occasionally talk to my wife. So perhaps that means I actually have matured, but then I consider how I’d respond to 28YOM (28 year old me for those of you scoring at home) and I’d tell him to go blank himself, and I know he would.