JstParenting

This parenting gig is hard. Always heard that, “parenting is the hardest, most rewarding thing you can do.” I just didn’t fully realize how brutally honest it is. See, all my experience around kids was as an uncle. Even when the kids aren’t actually related to me, I was the uncle. It was all fun, and knowing that by just being a decent guy and around, I was setting a good example that might hopefully have some kind of long term impact.




Now don’t get me wrong, the Kyd is a phenomenal kid. She’s sweet, very funny, creative and wise beyond her years. She also loves to push buttons, insists on having an opinion at every turn, and has lately listened to me about as well as the Egypitans have been listening to their dictator. Yes, I realize that I’m a dictator in this situation. But that’s basically what parenting is, only the Kyd insists on fairness and a vote, in everything. She wants a say in dinner, when she comes in, how we spend our money, what we eat, what jobs I may consider, and even how she’s punished.



I realized a couple weeks ago that she and I were just butting heads way too much, and I know it puts Mrs. Hirp in an uncomfortable position. So I surprised her with a run for some frozen yogurt, and she was thrilled. We had a nice little chat, about how we’d both try harder. Basically meaning that I’d try to have a little more patience, and she’d occasionally do what I ask her to do upon the first request. Maybe I should have asked that she listen within the first two requests and dump her running editorial. I worry about her, and what could be happening at school that might be causing her to act out. Mostly because I think of how I was as a kid. Of course, she doesn’t have any of my DNA, but that’s how I can relate to her. She may not believe it, but I remember being nine. I remember it very well in fact. And at nine, I had more on my plate than most kids my age. So if she’s giving us attitude, I start think she’s internalizing some sort of drama. Maybe it’s the girls in the neighborhood, and there’s always drama with the three of them. Maybe someone’s bullying her, or maybe she’s not being nice to someone and she feels guilty. She’s always been so great at talking with her mother about what’s bothering her, so unlike the nine year old Hirp, so we tend to think that’s probably not the case.



Maybe she just wants to stand up to her step-father, she wouldn’t be the first. And let me tell you this, a bit off subject though. Anytime there’s a step-father in the news, I cringe. I cringe like any law abiding Muslim when there’s an extremist in the news. Lets just be clear, most step-fathers just want to get along with the kids. We love them as if they’re our own. Worry about all the things biological fathers’ worry about: mostly preventing boys from entering the picture. We’re not bad dudes. We’re not molesters or child beaters, just doing the best we can. Like the Sports Guy says, my job is to keep her off the poll and avoid becoming a grandparent for another 30 years. Got it? Good.



Pretty sure most of what is going on is hormone driven, which scares the shit out of me even more so. She’s just nine, and if the hormones are raging now, well then I just have to decide how much damage I want to do to my liver in the next 6 years. But then she flips a switch, or Cybil leaves the house, and she’s laughing and being the sweetest kid on the planet. I don’t expect her to be perfect, but she has spoiled us so. She has the vocabulary of a girl in her twenties, and she’s also the tallest in her class. She hardly ever appears to be a nine year old. Then she acts like a nine year old, and we forget that’s exactly what she is.

Hirplings

This is getting to be a bit ridiculous, and a man in my position can’t be made to feel ridiculous! We’re now at three consecutive Sunday nights with less than desirable sleep. And by desirable, I mean half-way decent. The first was the most understandable, being the night before rejoining the work force after 64 weeks off. That was a bit nerve wracking. The second didn’t make too much sense. I was just anxious because my first week back at work, I didn’t do a thing. So I was worried about what it would it would be like to do some actual work. Now last night was just fucking dumb. What thoughts were keeping me up? I was anxious about “what if I can’t sleep again?” The fear of not sleeping kept me awake. If I could turn that into some sort of “fear of gaining weight” diet, I could retire within a month. Welcome to the Hirp’s mind.




***



So far in 2011 we’ve seen 19 people shot in Tucson with six of them passing away from their injuries, three law enforcement officers shot in St. Petersburg, four officers shot inside a police precinct in Detroit, and two officers killed in Miami. Two deputies were shot outside a Wal-Mart in Washington. Another cop was shot in Indianapolis (he’s in a coma), and one in Oregon is in critical condition. Oh, and by the way, that was just over a 24 hour period. Eleven officers in one day, yeah, let’s stay as far away from gun control as possible. There are definitely not too many guns in America. But there are just way too many bullets. As Chris Rock said:



“Everybody is talking about gun control. Got to control the guns. Fuck, that, I like guns. If you've got a gun, you don't need to work out! Cause, I ain't working out. I ain't jogging. No, I think we need some bullet control. I think every bullet should cost five thousand dollars. Five thousand dollars for a bullet. Know why? Cos if a bullet cost five thousand dollars, there'd be no more innocent by-standers. That'd be it. Some guy'd be shot you'd be all 'Damn, he must've done something, he's got fifty thousand dollars worth of bullets in his ass!' And people'd think before they shot someone 'Man I will blow your fucking head off, if I could afford it. I'm gonna get me a second job, start saving up, and you a dead man. You'd better hope I don't get no bullets on lay-away!' And even if you get shot you wouldn't need to go to the emergency room. Whoever shot you'd take their bullet back. 'I believe you got my property?'”

Top 10 Movies of '10

Now that I FINALLY watched The Social Network, I'm ready to post my top 10 movies of the year.

Top 10 Movies of 2010:

10. The Fighter: Strong, very well done movie, which suffers from too much hype and a story that just felt too familiar, even if this exact story hadn't been told before. I'd like to see Amy Adams get Best Actress. I thought Christian Bale was over the top to the point of annoying…until they showed us the real Dickie. Hey, that sounds like a different Wahlberg flick.

9. Kick-Ass: I went with Porqchop, and I didn't know much about it going in, but it was the funniest movie of the year. The geeks are now owning the screen in Hollywood: Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera. Only thing missing is some sort of "Pack" nickname. "Dweeb Pack" just doesn't have the same ring as Rat, Brat or Frat.

8. Toy Story 3: Kept the Pixar streak alive. Sweet, funny and good fun for the entire fam.

7. The Kids Are Alright: Stellar performances all around, but it just wasn't the sweet-quirky movie I was expecting. I blame the previews, because it just may have deserved a higher ranking. But when I'm expecting quirky Juno-esque, it's best to not let me down. Love everything Mark Ruffalo does, Julianne Moore never fails to deliver and Annette Benning delivers one memorable performance per decade, and this was it.

6. Inception: When I walked out of this complete mind raping, I was sure it would end the year atop my list. But then a strange thing happened, after the first few days of obsessing over the genius of the story, I pretty much stopped thinking about it completely. Deserves a second viewing, I just can't bring myself to dedicate so much time and energy again just yet.

5. Social Network: Aaron Sorkin flat out rules. If we spoke the way his characters did, the world would be a far superior place. As I said, I just finally watched this, so perhaps the hype was too much to live up to, I just wasn't blown away. Thoroughly enjoyed it, as I went from despising Zuckerberg to sympathizing for him, an emotion no billionaire deserves.

4. The Town: My favorite movie of the year. Saw it twice in the theatre, purchased the BluRay upon release, and have watched it two more times at home. Ben Affleck has fully entrenched himself as his generations' Clint Eastwood, and Jeremy Renner is phenomenal. Check out the extended version for a one scene in particular.

3. 127 Hours: Might be the most intense, yet physically difficult to watch, movie I've ever seen. Flying solo, Franco owns the screen, which guarantees a nomination like playing a gay or mentally handicapped character.

2. True Grit: Jeff Bridges is outstanding, as is the unrecognizable Matt Damon. But Hailee Steinfeld steals the scenes like Natalie Portman did in The Professional. She's going places.

1. The King's Speech: For a while I was dead set on the idea that Collin Firth deserved Best Actor, but I think that maybe I felt that way because A. he was phenomenal and B. it made me feel smarter to go with the British film. I'm changing my vote to James Franco. His performance stuck with me longer, than any other this year.

Worst Movie of the Year: No contest, and also winner of most disappointing movie was Due Date. I'd like my money, my 90 minutes and my self respect back. Please and thank you.

(I have yet to see: The Black Swan, Winter's Bone, The Ghost Writer, Solitary Man, or I Am Love)

One for Christina Taylor Green

The first time I ever "blogged" was years before they called it blogging. I did so in response to a local tragedy, a car accident that took the lives of three local girls. The next time was my reaction to the Columbine shootings, and I'm sad to see that neither site is up any longer. Thanks, AOL. I've also, as you hopefully have noticed, have written numerous times about September 11. So it makes perfect sense for the horrible events in Tucson to bring me back. Not that I think it's a good thing, this just helps me vent when crazy, horrible shit happens.

Saturday afternoon I was dosing off on the couch, not so much because I was even that tired, it's just my natural reaction to "iCarly" or whichever awful show the Kyd had me watching. Then my bride came out of our room, looking very worried. She explained what had been reported up till then, that a Congresswoman in Tucson had been shot, and there were other victims. Being that my parents live in Tucson, she had tried calling them, but there was no answer. So she began to worry. Not because she thought the odds of them being around a shooting in Tucson were all that high, but at first glance, that shopping center looked exactly like the one around the corner from my parents. And my parents are Democrats, and if they were just around the corner from a chance to meet their Representative, they would have been there.

A short time later we got them on the phone, so that was a relief. That's when we found out that my mom had volunteered this past year in Congresswoman Giffords' office. Shit got even more real then. From there, it just seemed to get more and more personal. As I'm sure most of us found different bits of news easy to relate to, I felt like it was just one thing after another. When it broke that one of the victims was a sweet, precocious, inquisitive nine year old, well, that rattled my cage. Oh, and she was born on 9/11. And, this sounds completely trivial, I'm sure, but her Grandfather was a former Major League Baseball manager. And he just happened to be a former manager of the Mets.

Then last night I found myself glued to the TV watching President Obama give a truly inspirational speech at a memorial service in Tucson. I'm not here to argue politics, this time, but while I like a lot of the things Obama has done, and have been less than pleased with others. He reminded us all why he won the election: he's a leader. Not only did he say the right things, you could tell he meant them. It was absolutely perfect. His old consigliore, Rahm Emanuel, has taken flack for saying, "you never want a serious crisis to go to waste." If you take that as, exploit the hell out of it for political gain, I can see it being offensive. For me, it sounds like something I'd say to the Kyd. A crisis, or a tragedy is a great opportunity to learn something. To make the right choices, and come out the other side a better person.

I believe that's what Christina Taylor Green would think too, and she deserves our good example.