Maul rats

So many of you know I've worked at the local mall for some time. Long enough to actually call it a sentence (I'm getting paroled real soon though) And in my time, I've come up with a few rules I'd like to see enforced.

First, it should be noted I like kids. Get along well with them, and they seem to like me. Parents trust me with their kids. Even after I make jokes about the soft spot on a babies head. But now that we have that out of the way, parents I need you to pay attention here. The mall, although known for mall walkers, isn't a good place to let lil Timmy learn how to walk. Especially during the hell, er, Christmas Season. It isn't cute that I have to be stuck behind you as you bark at your kid to hurry up. I see you pushing the stroller, pick Junior up and strap him in. And what goes through your head as you let him navigate the stairs? The lil booger fell down standing still. Do you really think the other 60 people who are in a mad dash, are entertained by the fact they are gonna be on those stairs for 10 minutes?

It's not just the parents with kids on the stairs that are trouble. Its those couples, or groups of teenagers walking side by side who think the staircase is 20 feet wide and act surprised when they meet up with someone going the other direction. Seriously, some time soon someone is gonna get a foot in the chest to get them out of the way. I'm not even joking a little bit.

The one positive thing about a mall, can be girl watching. Ah, but this gets tricky. In this day and age, most girls don't look their age. So you look forward to when school is in, so you can be pretty sure if you see a girl in the mall in the middle of the afternoon, that she is of age and works there. But lets be honest, there's more than a few who dropped out of school and now work full time. So they may not be 18. But I see that the same as Lebron James or Kevin Garnett skipping college. They just declared themselves eligible for the draft. Maybe not ready for the big leagues just yet but they have the body of a pro, just need to work on the fundamentals. A project if you will. I'm not condoning this, just as I don't think its wise for someone like Korleon Young to skip college. But it happens. Side note, this rule doesn't apply to my nieces, my friends daughters or my nieces friends. They aren't allowed to date or even talk to boys till they are either 35, or I'm dead. Whichever happens LAST.