Walk The Line

The average adult can walk, really they can. They can put their left foot in front of their right foot. They get from point A to point B. And usually, they don’t fall down. This has very little to do with really walking though. I haven’t done any studies on this (yet), but I believe that only 40% of adults know HOW to walk. The action itself is learned when we’re kids, right around the time we get potty trained. Only when it comes to the potty, most adults develop their skills more than they develop their walking skills. They know it’s not polite to toot in public, and that you don’t have to fidget to hold it in.

But when it comes to walking, it seems pretty clear that once a child gets to the point that they no longer look like Bob Huggins walking the line at a check-point, well that’s when they stop learning. I just so happen to believe there’s a lot more to it. Really knowing how to walk has more to do with knowing how to drive. And we all know how few adults know how to properly drive. It’s like this. If you’re going to drive, or walk slow, stay to the left. It’s not hard to remember. Also, there should be no changing lanes without looking over your shoulder. It sounds so easy, but we see how few drivers can abide by these laws. It’s not often a big deal, and I haven’t seen any stories on the news yet about fatalities from hallway pile ups. No 20/20 specials on “Walking Rage” like they have run on “Road Rage.” But that’s because people are too chicken to cuss someone out who cuts them off in a mall, they prefer to hide in their two ton SUV and behind glass and steel. It isn’t because they aren’t pissed.

There should be public service announcements on television all month long, since that awful time of the year is upon us. The malls will be packed, and there will be millions of unreported walking accidents. Some will leave victims emotionally scared for life, and I suspect there will even be some physical injuries. Have you seen the staircases at Oak Park Mall the day after Thanksgiving? I have, and I’ve nearly pushed an entire family down the stairs. I’m not sure why more people can’t view stairs like they view bridges. It’s a long ways down, so it’s not a good time to piss someone off.

So, I propose walking laws. If the cops in the mall were handing out tickets to the mother with the stroller who is walking on the right-hand side of the hallway, a city like Overland Park could raise millions of dollars. And maybe, just maybe save some lives. This isn’t just a retail problem, I nearly had an accident walking into work this morning when an oblivious phone talking woman suddenly turned in front of me, forcing me to pass her on the right. If we had been driving, I would have been tempted to just slam into her. Or if she were cute.