Justifiable HIRPocide

Believe it or not I have some new things to add to the ever growing list of things that annoy Hirp. Recently I was at a McDonalds, big surprise I know, and the place wasn’t very busy. I’m in line paying, and the lady behind me is practically up my ass she’s standing so close. Seriously, I never liked the phrase “personal space,” I always thought it sounded whiney and was something only said by therapists. But there’s no other way to say it. This bitch was in my space. I can understand being crammed in a busy place, such as an airport, a mall on the weekends, blackjack tables, and standing at the bar. But if I can’t turn without my elbow hitting you, you are too close. And I think I have every right to extend my elbow and turn so that my elbow cracks the offenders’ nose. Unfortunately I’m a short, so my elbow won’t line up with most noses.

Also I made a recent run through the McDonalds drive-thru, (so I might be spending too much time at McDonalds) and the idiots that crowd you at the counter have cousins who annoy me outside the restaurant. These are the brilliant people who never pull up far enough. They leave a good 8-10 feet between their car and the car ahead of them. So I have my window down, ready to order but I’m 8 feet away from the speaker when they ask for my order. I won’t even bother attempting to place my order, they have enough trouble hearing me and getting the order right when I’m right in front of the speaker. So now the pimple faced kid with the metal mouth thinks I’m just taking my sweet ass time, and he’s probably getting annoyed that he can’t be at home looking at the new pictures of a panty-less Britney. And he’s going to touch my food? I don’t even want to guess at what he does to my burger, all because this nimrod ahead of me won’t move his rusty Delta 88 up 8 feet. I guarantee this is the same piece of work that is never ready to pay at the grocery store.

These are just some of the reasons that helped me to decide that if I ever run for office, I’m changing what is covered by “justifiable homicide” I could be a little bit jaded, but I’m starting to think some people just need to be killed. And I don’t mean to sound like Klebold or the Unabomber. I don’t have some agenda nor do I feel this way because I wear a black trench coat. It just makes good sense at this time. For a long time I thought the best job I could have, would be to decide who can and can’t have children. I guess this means George Bush has influenced me, and that’s pretty sad to admit. Not that the getting them before they get us mind set has worked for him. Really though, there are too many stupid people on this planet. And most of them seem to land in positions of power, or at MU.

This week I’m house sitting for a friend, and there’s something about one of the restrooms that bothers me. When sitting on a toilet, doing your business, you should never have a mirror in front of you. Knowing what veins pop out on my head just isn’t any kind of info I ever needed, or wanted to have. Now I don’t believe the architect should die for this, but someone should leave the plunger in the toilet and let him see what kind of expression he makes when he sits down.