So I had this little debate with myself, would I or wouldn’t I say anything about Paris Hilton. I really didn’t want to, because at this point it’s all been said. I don’t have any unique observations and to be honest I really don’t give a shit. But it is entertaining to a point and the story is everywhere. So last night I found myself watching, not the interview itself, but a recap of the interview. There was a special on Headline News in which a panel of “experts” broke down her interview with Larry King like a group of commentators on ESPN.
This has to be a first. The OJ case launched the television careers of just about everyone on Fox News, because every night for a year they broke down every little detail about a murder trial involving one of the biggest names in sports history. So as much of a crock of shit that whole thing was, at least they were dealing with a crime that had victims and shed some light on the legal process. Last night journalism hit a new low. The OJ case did to journalism what the Zepplin blimp did to travel and the coverage of Paris will end up as the Titanic of journalism.
My favorite phenomena in this whole thing, has been watching the media cover their own coverage of this ridiculous story. How long till there’s a news channel that’s dedicated to nothing else but covering the media?
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So my 14 year old nephew is in town, and I promised him we’d play some one on one at some point. Truth is, I’m terrified. Not only is he taller than me, something he’s proud of but in all honesty, it isn’t that much of an accomplishment, but he’s probably going to kick my ass. I really don’t know how I’ll handle it. Odds are in favor of me cheating, maybe even playing down right dirty. We’ll see. If you don’t read about it in the near future, one of three things happened:
1. My back continued to spasm, not an excuse, it’s been killing me all week.
2. It rained even more, and we decided to build an arc.
3. Or I got my ass kicked and decided I didn’t want to share the story.
June 29, 2007
June 27, 2007
I Wish..
Some of those that know me know that I sometimes day dream of being a screen writer. I haven’t ever attempted to write a screenplay, but I’ve flirted with a few ideas. Always making the promise to myself, that one day I’ll write something. I may never submit to a studio, an agent or even show it to a friend. But some day, I’ll pound the keyboard long enough to knock out my very own.
In the meantime I watch movies, and more than my share. Occasionally I see something and think to myself, “that’s the kind of movie I wish I would have written.” And it isn’t the classics. Sure, I’d consider selling my soul to have written The Godfather or Heat, or something like Shawshank or even American History X. But those aren’t the ones that send a surge of jealously through my bones. So I’ve decided to come up with a brief list of some of those movies that I just wish were written by me.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - You might notice that a solid number of these movies are more of the under the radar variety. This movie is just so clever and quick witted, and to be honest, I think it even sounds like me at times. The sarcasm and banter sounds exactly like me, only it’s the conversations I have in my head rather than those I utter aloud. Minor detail, I know.
Just Write - First, I’ll admit it. It’s a chick flick, and there’s no hiding it. So mock me if you want, but at least try to understand. It’s a Jeremy Piven vehicle (see, don’t I just sound like I know what I’m talking about? Who else says “vehicle”?) and I’ve owned the video tape for years. That’s my way of subtly telling you that I’ve been a fan of Pivens since before Entourage. Anyway, here’s the premise: Normal schmo who is 30 and has a love of movies, runs into his favorite actress who just happens to be the woman who would be #1 on his laminated list if he had one. This is Sherilyn Fenn, I have a thing for blue eyed brunettes and she’s still top 15 worthy. Anyway, to impress her he claims to be a screen writer, and then has to step up and actually write a screenplay for her. So it’s basically the same dream I had for some 13 years of meeting, and winning over, Jennifer Aniston.
True Romance - I’m picking a Tarantino-penned movie and it isn’t Pulp Fiction, I must be out of my mind right? Wrong. Look, I know Pulp is the superior movie. It’s nearly the perfect movie. If Pulp Fiction was an NBA player and his entire career, it would be Michael Jordan, near perfection almost every step of the way. Only Jordan retired a couple of times, and so did Pulp. The whole Bruce Willis-Fabienne sequence just bores me. True Romance doesn’t have peaks as high as Pulp, but it’s steady all the way through. More like Clyde Drexler. And you have to respect that kind of consistency. Plus, it’s a much more personal story than Pulp and that’s appealing to me.
Out of Sight - The most underrated movie of the 90’s. Clooney’s Jack Foley is the quintessential loveable loser. He is the Chicago Cubs. I don’t know why I make a sports analogy out of every thing, but I hope you don’t mind. He’s smooth, he’s cool, he fucks up every step of the way and he never gets fazed by it. He gets the girl, he loses the girl. He robs banks, he gets caught. A lot. Before he was Danny Ocean, and the epitamy of cool, he was smooth talking a pre-J.Lo, Jennifer Lopez in the trunk of a getaway car. The same girl he risked everything for, ended up shooting him and sending him back to prison. And it was exactly what he wanted. When I say I can relate to his character, I really mean that I wish I was him. That’s what I want to write, something so cool, that people wish they could live in my characters shoes.
Which brings me to Swingers - The most obvious movie on this list. I am Mikey, even if I don’t swing dance. You have a group of friends, a last second trip to Vegas, talking trash over a Sega Genesis, driving the wrong car, and even obsessively calling a girl all the way to getting the right girl in the end. It isn’t larger than life or cheesy, it’s funny and personal with conversations I know my friends and I have had.
In the meantime I watch movies, and more than my share. Occasionally I see something and think to myself, “that’s the kind of movie I wish I would have written.” And it isn’t the classics. Sure, I’d consider selling my soul to have written The Godfather or Heat, or something like Shawshank or even American History X. But those aren’t the ones that send a surge of jealously through my bones. So I’ve decided to come up with a brief list of some of those movies that I just wish were written by me.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - You might notice that a solid number of these movies are more of the under the radar variety. This movie is just so clever and quick witted, and to be honest, I think it even sounds like me at times. The sarcasm and banter sounds exactly like me, only it’s the conversations I have in my head rather than those I utter aloud. Minor detail, I know.
Just Write - First, I’ll admit it. It’s a chick flick, and there’s no hiding it. So mock me if you want, but at least try to understand. It’s a Jeremy Piven vehicle (see, don’t I just sound like I know what I’m talking about? Who else says “vehicle”?) and I’ve owned the video tape for years. That’s my way of subtly telling you that I’ve been a fan of Pivens since before Entourage. Anyway, here’s the premise: Normal schmo who is 30 and has a love of movies, runs into his favorite actress who just happens to be the woman who would be #1 on his laminated list if he had one. This is Sherilyn Fenn, I have a thing for blue eyed brunettes and she’s still top 15 worthy. Anyway, to impress her he claims to be a screen writer, and then has to step up and actually write a screenplay for her. So it’s basically the same dream I had for some 13 years of meeting, and winning over, Jennifer Aniston.
True Romance - I’m picking a Tarantino-penned movie and it isn’t Pulp Fiction, I must be out of my mind right? Wrong. Look, I know Pulp is the superior movie. It’s nearly the perfect movie. If Pulp Fiction was an NBA player and his entire career, it would be Michael Jordan, near perfection almost every step of the way. Only Jordan retired a couple of times, and so did Pulp. The whole Bruce Willis-Fabienne sequence just bores me. True Romance doesn’t have peaks as high as Pulp, but it’s steady all the way through. More like Clyde Drexler. And you have to respect that kind of consistency. Plus, it’s a much more personal story than Pulp and that’s appealing to me.
Out of Sight - The most underrated movie of the 90’s. Clooney’s Jack Foley is the quintessential loveable loser. He is the Chicago Cubs. I don’t know why I make a sports analogy out of every thing, but I hope you don’t mind. He’s smooth, he’s cool, he fucks up every step of the way and he never gets fazed by it. He gets the girl, he loses the girl. He robs banks, he gets caught. A lot. Before he was Danny Ocean, and the epitamy of cool, he was smooth talking a pre-J.Lo, Jennifer Lopez in the trunk of a getaway car. The same girl he risked everything for, ended up shooting him and sending him back to prison. And it was exactly what he wanted. When I say I can relate to his character, I really mean that I wish I was him. That’s what I want to write, something so cool, that people wish they could live in my characters shoes.
Which brings me to Swingers - The most obvious movie on this list. I am Mikey, even if I don’t swing dance. You have a group of friends, a last second trip to Vegas, talking trash over a Sega Genesis, driving the wrong car, and even obsessively calling a girl all the way to getting the right girl in the end. It isn’t larger than life or cheesy, it’s funny and personal with conversations I know my friends and I have had.
June 25, 2007
Hirp Doin Dallas, UNO
When I took this job last October a couple things happened that made me feel all growns up. There was the laptop and the business cards. To me, those marked major milestones in my life. They meant that I finally had a real big kid job. Well today marks another milestone, as today I took my first business trip. That’s right, corporate card, a per diem, a hotel and all those things my dad dreaded. So I’m in lovely Dallas, which has more strip clubs than any city on the face of the planet. Really, what else is there in Texas besides beer, steak, cowboys, Mexican food, Churches and strip clubs? Having the last two on the same list really cracks me up.
Anyway, funniest thing to happen thus far actually took place in Kansas City at around 6:20 this morning. We were taking the shuttle from the parking lot to the terminal, and of course someone had to get a call on their cell, and answer it. What makes it funny to me was the fact that it was a Middle-Eastern man, and he was speaking in another language. Funny for two reasons: 1, that has to be the quickest way to make a group of travelers nervous in this day and age. Aside from having a pre-flight beer next to a belligerent drunk who just happens to be your pilot. The second reason this stuck me as funny was, making up his conversation in my own head.
I’m pretty sure it went something like this, “Yep, I’m at the airport. You’re right, all these white people look nervous. Wow, this is funnier than I thought. I bet if I say Allah and Jihad in the same sentence they’ll ship me to Guantanamo Bay faster than a Saudi minute. Okay, I gotta go. I think they might actually hurt me. The guy in the camouflage hat is changing colors. Before I go, we’re still on for golf Thursday, right?”
I don’t care what you tell me, that was his conversation. Except for the “Allah and Jihad” parts, because, well because I would have understood those words. Like when the Mexicans say gringo and then laugh, I know they’re talking about me even if I don’t know what they’re saying.
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As many of you know, it’s not exactly rare for me to spend a Saturday night playing some cards with some friends. This weekend, however, there’s a slight twist. We didn’t start off with hold ‘em or even Omaha. No, it wasn’t seven card stud either. No, the first game of the night was a competitive bout of Candy Land. Oh, you think I was babysitting? No, it was a thirty-something crowd. And it was great fun. And it got even better. We only played one round of that, and then we realized there was a real pro at the table. We’ll call her “Coco.” She just had a knack for pulling the right cards.
After Candy Land we moved on to the most cut throat card game out there, Uno. If you or your friends are even a little bit passive aggressive, Uno will make you full on, balls to the wall aggressive. I seriously think ESPN should start Uno tournaments, and they should do so yesterday. I may give up poker all together, and just devote my energy to becoming a world class Uno player, much like Itchy Kitty.
Anyway, funniest thing to happen thus far actually took place in Kansas City at around 6:20 this morning. We were taking the shuttle from the parking lot to the terminal, and of course someone had to get a call on their cell, and answer it. What makes it funny to me was the fact that it was a Middle-Eastern man, and he was speaking in another language. Funny for two reasons: 1, that has to be the quickest way to make a group of travelers nervous in this day and age. Aside from having a pre-flight beer next to a belligerent drunk who just happens to be your pilot. The second reason this stuck me as funny was, making up his conversation in my own head.
I’m pretty sure it went something like this, “Yep, I’m at the airport. You’re right, all these white people look nervous. Wow, this is funnier than I thought. I bet if I say Allah and Jihad in the same sentence they’ll ship me to Guantanamo Bay faster than a Saudi minute. Okay, I gotta go. I think they might actually hurt me. The guy in the camouflage hat is changing colors. Before I go, we’re still on for golf Thursday, right?”
I don’t care what you tell me, that was his conversation. Except for the “Allah and Jihad” parts, because, well because I would have understood those words. Like when the Mexicans say gringo and then laugh, I know they’re talking about me even if I don’t know what they’re saying.
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As many of you know, it’s not exactly rare for me to spend a Saturday night playing some cards with some friends. This weekend, however, there’s a slight twist. We didn’t start off with hold ‘em or even Omaha. No, it wasn’t seven card stud either. No, the first game of the night was a competitive bout of Candy Land. Oh, you think I was babysitting? No, it was a thirty-something crowd. And it was great fun. And it got even better. We only played one round of that, and then we realized there was a real pro at the table. We’ll call her “Coco.” She just had a knack for pulling the right cards.
After Candy Land we moved on to the most cut throat card game out there, Uno. If you or your friends are even a little bit passive aggressive, Uno will make you full on, balls to the wall aggressive. I seriously think ESPN should start Uno tournaments, and they should do so yesterday. I may give up poker all together, and just devote my energy to becoming a world class Uno player, much like Itchy Kitty.
June 19, 2007
June 15, 2007
Hirp Gone Serious
I don’t remember the exact day it hit me, but there was a time that “growing up” hit me over the head like a C-Core. It wasn’t high school graduation, and it wasn’t going off to college. It wasn’t turning 21 and it wasn’t my first 401k plan. I worried about it when friends started moving away. It finally hit when I started to see friends get married. Even though I wasn’t even close to doing so myself, that’s when I first thought, “Shit, we’re like…adults now.” Panic set in soon after.
I grew accustomed to the feeling, and it was pretty cool. It didn’t really change anything, they had girlfriends or boyfriends before, and the only real change was in jewelry. Then they started buying houses, and that wasn’t exactly a blunt object to the head, more of a punch to the stomach that told me we aren’t kids any longer. Soon there were friends talking about starting families, some even giving the big news that included words like “expecting” and “trimester.” But I was used to baby talk, being that I became an uncle at 15, so the thought of my friends having kids just meant I had more nieces and nephews.
And so some kids appeared, and I soon went back to feeling like a kid myself. Why wouldn’t I? Being around them gave me not only an excuse to be immature, but a reason to be. Still does. Then the calendar changed and I was 30, I couldn’t still be a kid at 30. So I probably fought growing up as much as it fought me. But then the last straw appeared. Like someone emptied the box of straws, and there was just one left. And it wasn’t even one of the bendy ones, I love those. This happened when I first started hearing different friends talk about the big “D” word. There’s nothing more grown up than divorce. I had friends who had been divorced, but before I met them, so it didn’t really count.
Even though nothing official has happened with any of these couples I’m friends with, the writing is currently in the process from moving from the wall to legal documents. So now I finally consider myself an adult, even though I don’t really feel like one all the time. Not how I imagined it.
I grew accustomed to the feeling, and it was pretty cool. It didn’t really change anything, they had girlfriends or boyfriends before, and the only real change was in jewelry. Then they started buying houses, and that wasn’t exactly a blunt object to the head, more of a punch to the stomach that told me we aren’t kids any longer. Soon there were friends talking about starting families, some even giving the big news that included words like “expecting” and “trimester.” But I was used to baby talk, being that I became an uncle at 15, so the thought of my friends having kids just meant I had more nieces and nephews.
And so some kids appeared, and I soon went back to feeling like a kid myself. Why wouldn’t I? Being around them gave me not only an excuse to be immature, but a reason to be. Still does. Then the calendar changed and I was 30, I couldn’t still be a kid at 30. So I probably fought growing up as much as it fought me. But then the last straw appeared. Like someone emptied the box of straws, and there was just one left. And it wasn’t even one of the bendy ones, I love those. This happened when I first started hearing different friends talk about the big “D” word. There’s nothing more grown up than divorce. I had friends who had been divorced, but before I met them, so it didn’t really count.
Even though nothing official has happened with any of these couples I’m friends with, the writing is currently in the process from moving from the wall to legal documents. So now I finally consider myself an adult, even though I don’t really feel like one all the time. Not how I imagined it.
June 14, 2007
Hirp Went to the Movies
I haven’t reviewed any movies lately, and I’ve actually been going on a somewhat regular basis this summer. So far I’ve seen Shrek the Third, Knocked Up and Ocean’s 13. Two sequels, and one movie that had essentially the same cast, writers and director as another movie which basically makes it a sequel. But all three are just as good as their predecesors, which is remarkable.
Shrek the Third was just as fun as the first one, and had plenty of jokes for adults without corrupting the kids. I saw it a few weeks ago, and I can’t say anything about it really stuck with me, so it isn’t a must see by any means.
On the other hand, Knocked Up is a must see. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should probably leave work right now and go. A absolutely hysterical flick, which might just be better than 40 Year Old Virgin. 40 Year Old came out right around the same time as Wedding Crashers, and after one viewing I felt Crashers was the superior movie. But after watching them each multiple times, 40 Year Old just got funnier and funnier while Crashers looked more like a chick flick we were tricked into believing was the funniest movie in years. This is relevant here because I can’t wait to see Knocked Up again. I’m already sure it’s going to be even funnier the second time.
Ocean’s 13 made up for 12, which we can now officially deny ever took place, even if I do own the DVD. I was afraid adding Pacino to the cast would throw the chemistry out of whack, but he didn’t over do his “whoo-ah” shtick that he’s used in every movie since Scent of a Woman. In fact he was just about perfect for his character. It’s just hard to see him as anything other than Michael Corleone or Tony Montana. Walking out, I thought it might have been as good as Ocean’s 11, so last night I re-watched 11. And as good as 13 is, it’s not at the same level as 11. Some of the funniest and coolest scenes in 11 were the looks they gave each other. A cocked head, raised eyebrows in response to a line or rolled eyes. That level of “cool” may not ever be replicated. It should be noted, that from the previews I was afraid that the whacky costumes and disguises would give the movie a cheap feel. That they’d be forced jokes and take the wind out of the sails, as the stupid gags in Be Cool killed any chance of that movie being as good as Get Shorty. But the gimmicks worked, because they didn’t over do it.
Shrek the Third was just as fun as the first one, and had plenty of jokes for adults without corrupting the kids. I saw it a few weeks ago, and I can’t say anything about it really stuck with me, so it isn’t a must see by any means.
On the other hand, Knocked Up is a must see. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should probably leave work right now and go. A absolutely hysterical flick, which might just be better than 40 Year Old Virgin. 40 Year Old came out right around the same time as Wedding Crashers, and after one viewing I felt Crashers was the superior movie. But after watching them each multiple times, 40 Year Old just got funnier and funnier while Crashers looked more like a chick flick we were tricked into believing was the funniest movie in years. This is relevant here because I can’t wait to see Knocked Up again. I’m already sure it’s going to be even funnier the second time.
Ocean’s 13 made up for 12, which we can now officially deny ever took place, even if I do own the DVD. I was afraid adding Pacino to the cast would throw the chemistry out of whack, but he didn’t over do his “whoo-ah” shtick that he’s used in every movie since Scent of a Woman. In fact he was just about perfect for his character. It’s just hard to see him as anything other than Michael Corleone or Tony Montana. Walking out, I thought it might have been as good as Ocean’s 11, so last night I re-watched 11. And as good as 13 is, it’s not at the same level as 11. Some of the funniest and coolest scenes in 11 were the looks they gave each other. A cocked head, raised eyebrows in response to a line or rolled eyes. That level of “cool” may not ever be replicated. It should be noted, that from the previews I was afraid that the whacky costumes and disguises would give the movie a cheap feel. That they’d be forced jokes and take the wind out of the sails, as the stupid gags in Be Cool killed any chance of that movie being as good as Get Shorty. But the gimmicks worked, because they didn’t over do it.
Ticked Hirp
So this weekend I had a trip to the lake with some friends planned. I’ve been pretty excited about the prospect of a nice relaxing long weekend. Just hanging out, grilling some burgers and steaks, maybe playing some cards, introducing my friends to a little movie called The Godfather. And if this were a baseball telecast, there would be a graphic on the bottom of the screen noting this as my first ever trip as part of a couple. Just for those scoring at home, or alone.
Well then a few random things have thrown the trip in the air, so we thought it would be best to cancel our reservation. And this is where it gets good. I didn’t make the reservation, but before letting my friend know that I thought it was best that we cancel the trip, I did check their website for the cancellation policy. It said that if you cancel and they can’t rebook the room, we’d lose our deposit, but if they could rebook it then we’d be charged just a charge of 25% of our deposit. Not a huge deal.
But when my friend made the reservation, he was told the resorts policy. And it just happens to differ more than a little bit from what they list on the website. See, if they can’t rebook the room, rather than lose our deposit, we actually have to pay the entire amount. Not the amount of the deposit, no, the whole damn three nights. All because we didn’t cancel with more than 30 days notice, mind you we didn’t book 30 days in advance.
Ironically enough, last night the classic “Seinfeld” episode in which Jerry reserves a mid-size car, only the car rental company doesn’t have any available when he goes to pick it up. Leading to the memorable, “you know how to take a reservation, but you don’t know how to “hold” a reservation, and that’s really the most important part to the reservation, the holding.”
Well then a few random things have thrown the trip in the air, so we thought it would be best to cancel our reservation. And this is where it gets good. I didn’t make the reservation, but before letting my friend know that I thought it was best that we cancel the trip, I did check their website for the cancellation policy. It said that if you cancel and they can’t rebook the room, we’d lose our deposit, but if they could rebook it then we’d be charged just a charge of 25% of our deposit. Not a huge deal.
But when my friend made the reservation, he was told the resorts policy. And it just happens to differ more than a little bit from what they list on the website. See, if they can’t rebook the room, rather than lose our deposit, we actually have to pay the entire amount. Not the amount of the deposit, no, the whole damn three nights. All because we didn’t cancel with more than 30 days notice, mind you we didn’t book 30 days in advance.
Ironically enough, last night the classic “Seinfeld” episode in which Jerry reserves a mid-size car, only the car rental company doesn’t have any available when he goes to pick it up. Leading to the memorable, “you know how to take a reservation, but you don’t know how to “hold” a reservation, and that’s really the most important part to the reservation, the holding.”
June 12, 2007
Not My Thoughts..
But worth sharing. Found this on the net, interesting thoughts on the Sopranos finale
Anybody who says "nothing happened on the Sopranos" is completely missing out on the ending! This is NOT a life goes on ending! And anyone who thinks so should go back and watch it again.
Watch the last scene of The Blue Comet (the 2nd to last episode) first. As Tony sits on the edge of the bed he contemplates his demise.
Then, there's the flashback to Tony and Bobby in the boat discussing being whacked, "You probably never hear it coming." Remember when Tony was speaking with Bobby...basically saying that you don't see or hear death? It just happens and you would never feel it.....aka fading to black.....
Fast forward to Tony in "Made In America" final scene.
So, the point would have been that life continues and we may never know the end of the Sopranos. But if you pay attention to the history, you will find that all the answers lie in the characters in the restaurant.
The trucker was the brother of the guy who was robbed by Christopher in Season 2. Remember the DVD players? The trucker had to identify the body.
As Tony walks in the door of Holstein's he looks into the diner and sees nobody from his family. He is the first to arrive. The there is a very odd cut. The camera cuts back to Tony's face looking into the diner and then cuts back to the diner where, if by magic, Tony is now sitting.
This odd cut is provided to show us that "cut to Tony's face means the audience = Tony's perspective."
Fast Forward to AJ arriving. The are two black youths weren't these guys the ones who tried to kill Tony and only clipped him in the ear, circa season 2 or 3?
And the "Members only" guy at the bar. This guy is credited as Nicky Leotardo. The same actor played him in the first part of season 6 during a brief sit down concerning the future of Vito. That wasn't that long ago. Apparently, he is the nephew of Phil. Phil's brother Nicky Senior was killed in 1976 in a car accident.
Tony takes a look at both. After the "members only" guy walks to the restroom we see a close-up of Tony anticipating Meadow to walk through the door - again - Tony's perspective. Absolutely
incredible!!!! There were three people in the restaurant who had reason to kill Tony and then it just ends. This was Chase's way of proving that he will not escape his past. It will not go on forever despite that he would like it to ......"DON'T STOP" --- BELIEVING....
Suddenly CUT to black, music stops, black screen for several seconds. Tony (and the audience) got WHACKED - and he didn't hear it coming. It is crystal clear and not open to interpretation. WE GOT WHACKED! Chase is showing Tony's perspective.
Tony's finished...and Chase is truly rewarding the true fans who pay
attention to detail.
Anybody who says "nothing happened on the Sopranos" is completely missing out on the ending! This is NOT a life goes on ending! And anyone who thinks so should go back and watch it again.
Watch the last scene of The Blue Comet (the 2nd to last episode) first. As Tony sits on the edge of the bed he contemplates his demise.
Then, there's the flashback to Tony and Bobby in the boat discussing being whacked, "You probably never hear it coming." Remember when Tony was speaking with Bobby...basically saying that you don't see or hear death? It just happens and you would never feel it.....aka fading to black.....
Fast forward to Tony in "Made In America" final scene.
So, the point would have been that life continues and we may never know the end of the Sopranos. But if you pay attention to the history, you will find that all the answers lie in the characters in the restaurant.
The trucker was the brother of the guy who was robbed by Christopher in Season 2. Remember the DVD players? The trucker had to identify the body.
As Tony walks in the door of Holstein's he looks into the diner and sees nobody from his family. He is the first to arrive. The there is a very odd cut. The camera cuts back to Tony's face looking into the diner and then cuts back to the diner where, if by magic, Tony is now sitting.
This odd cut is provided to show us that "cut to Tony's face means the audience = Tony's perspective."
Fast Forward to AJ arriving. The are two black youths weren't these guys the ones who tried to kill Tony and only clipped him in the ear, circa season 2 or 3?
And the "Members only" guy at the bar. This guy is credited as Nicky Leotardo. The same actor played him in the first part of season 6 during a brief sit down concerning the future of Vito. That wasn't that long ago. Apparently, he is the nephew of Phil. Phil's brother Nicky Senior was killed in 1976 in a car accident.
Tony takes a look at both. After the "members only" guy walks to the restroom we see a close-up of Tony anticipating Meadow to walk through the door - again - Tony's perspective. Absolutely
incredible!!!! There were three people in the restaurant who had reason to kill Tony and then it just ends. This was Chase's way of proving that he will not escape his past. It will not go on forever despite that he would like it to ......"DON'T STOP" --- BELIEVING....
Suddenly CUT to black, music stops, black screen for several seconds. Tony (and the audience) got WHACKED - and he didn't hear it coming. It is crystal clear and not open to interpretation. WE GOT WHACKED! Chase is showing Tony's perspective.
Tony's finished...and Chase is truly rewarding the true fans who pay
attention to detail.
June 11, 2007
See Ya, T
I read an interview with Quentin Tarantino, where he said his job is to get the audience off. As you can imagine, he used slightly more colorful language to make his point. Anyway, last night David Chase left most of America with a world class case of Blue Balls. I think the first reaction, for most fans, was of huge disappointment. But with some time, for me, that gave way to more of a comfortable feeling with how things ended for Tony Soprano, mainly because they didn’t end.
It isn’t the first show to end without a real ending. “Cheers” and “Friends” both rolled the final credits, with us feeling that the characters lives went on as usual, and that is all that happened with “The Sopranos.” Had Tony’s brain ended up scattered across that diner, we wouldn’t feel any better about things. Sure there would have been “closure” but there isn’t a bigger bull shit theory than “closure.” It doesn’t work in real life, and it wouldn’t work in television. Seeing a dead Tony, wouldn’t have made us feel better. Having Tony rat on someone would have been the biggest sin of the millennium, and seeing him behind bars wouldn’t give us any of that “closure.”
This morning, he woke up and started his day. He had some meetings, he ate (a few times) His son disappointed him, he was proud of his daughter and his wife probably bust his balls some more. He doesn’t know what will happen with New York, and he knows he’ll get indicted pretty soon. He’s hoping he can beat the case. And every time he starts his car, he’ll wonder for a split second if it’s going to blow up. He’ll always sit facing the door to see if someone comes for him. He’ll soon have to decide what, if anything, to do with Paulie. And that’s exactly what I want to think.
I’m not saying I was happy with how the show ended, but when did the show ever give us what we wanted? We saw Tony kill his best friend, we saw Carmela leave and come back. We never saw Meadow naked, we never saw Tony absolutely beat the shit out of AJ and we saw Adrianna rat and get killed. This wasn’t Newhart, expecting an ending wrapped in a big bow that answers all questions is a ridiculous request. If anything, the ended was true to form.
And of course it left the door wide open for that much talked about movie. Say five years from now, AJ had made his bones. Meadow is a big shot lawyer, who knows how to keep her daddy well informed and out of jail. There’s still story left to be told, if they so choose to. Or they can leave it up to the bloggers of the world, most of whom will spend the next three years bitching about the two seconds they thought their cable went out.
It isn’t the first show to end without a real ending. “Cheers” and “Friends” both rolled the final credits, with us feeling that the characters lives went on as usual, and that is all that happened with “The Sopranos.” Had Tony’s brain ended up scattered across that diner, we wouldn’t feel any better about things. Sure there would have been “closure” but there isn’t a bigger bull shit theory than “closure.” It doesn’t work in real life, and it wouldn’t work in television. Seeing a dead Tony, wouldn’t have made us feel better. Having Tony rat on someone would have been the biggest sin of the millennium, and seeing him behind bars wouldn’t give us any of that “closure.”
This morning, he woke up and started his day. He had some meetings, he ate (a few times) His son disappointed him, he was proud of his daughter and his wife probably bust his balls some more. He doesn’t know what will happen with New York, and he knows he’ll get indicted pretty soon. He’s hoping he can beat the case. And every time he starts his car, he’ll wonder for a split second if it’s going to blow up. He’ll always sit facing the door to see if someone comes for him. He’ll soon have to decide what, if anything, to do with Paulie. And that’s exactly what I want to think.
I’m not saying I was happy with how the show ended, but when did the show ever give us what we wanted? We saw Tony kill his best friend, we saw Carmela leave and come back. We never saw Meadow naked, we never saw Tony absolutely beat the shit out of AJ and we saw Adrianna rat and get killed. This wasn’t Newhart, expecting an ending wrapped in a big bow that answers all questions is a ridiculous request. If anything, the ended was true to form.
And of course it left the door wide open for that much talked about movie. Say five years from now, AJ had made his bones. Meadow is a big shot lawyer, who knows how to keep her daddy well informed and out of jail. There’s still story left to be told, if they so choose to. Or they can leave it up to the bloggers of the world, most of whom will spend the next three years bitching about the two seconds they thought their cable went out.
June 08, 2007
Ocean's 11, Chick Verision
I am getting pretty excited to see Ocean’s 13 this weekend, and I was thinking how Hollywood likes to find a formula and recycle it a few hundred times. So let’s say they decided to make a chick version of the Oceans series. How would you cast it? Here’s what I came up with.
Danny Ocean (George Clooney) - Jennifer Aniston
Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt) – Uma Thurman
Linus Caldwell (Matt Damon) – Mary Louise Parker
Virgil Malloy (Casey Affleck) – Lisa Kudrow
Turk Malloy (Scott Caan) – Parker Posey
Livingston Dell (Eddie Jeminson) - Maggie Gyllenhaal
Ruben Tishkoff (Elliot Gould) – Frances McDormand
Frank Catton (Bernie Mac) – Queen Latifah
Yen (Shaobo Qin) – Devon Aoki (Miho from Sin City)
Saul Bloom (Carl Reiner) – Shirley MacLaine
Basher Tarr (Don Cheadle) – Rosario Dawson
Tess Ocean (Julia Roberts) – John Cusak
Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) – Catherine Zeta Jones (I really didn’t want to use someone that was in the Oceans series)
Instead of knocking over three casinos, they’d be knocking over Tiffany’s, DeBeers and I don’t know of a third store.
Let the record show, I didn't use a cast of just the best looking acteresses. There's no Alba, Mcadams, Lohan or Mendes.
Danny Ocean (George Clooney) - Jennifer Aniston
Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt) – Uma Thurman
Linus Caldwell (Matt Damon) – Mary Louise Parker
Virgil Malloy (Casey Affleck) – Lisa Kudrow
Turk Malloy (Scott Caan) – Parker Posey
Livingston Dell (Eddie Jeminson) - Maggie Gyllenhaal
Ruben Tishkoff (Elliot Gould) – Frances McDormand
Frank Catton (Bernie Mac) – Queen Latifah
Yen (Shaobo Qin) – Devon Aoki (Miho from Sin City)
Saul Bloom (Carl Reiner) – Shirley MacLaine
Basher Tarr (Don Cheadle) – Rosario Dawson
Tess Ocean (Julia Roberts) – John Cusak
Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) – Catherine Zeta Jones (I really didn’t want to use someone that was in the Oceans series)
Instead of knocking over three casinos, they’d be knocking over Tiffany’s, DeBeers and I don’t know of a third store.
Let the record show, I didn't use a cast of just the best looking acteresses. There's no Alba, Mcadams, Lohan or Mendes.
June 07, 2007
Hirp On...
This week in baseball, a big controversial story has been about the comments made by Gary Sheffield. (hey, he’s Dwight Gooden’s nephew) Sheffield, went on record with GQ magazine saying that there are more Latino players in the game today than African-American players, because they are more controllable. Well, his statement itself was a bit careless and inaccurate, but it does bright the spotlight to a very important baseball fact. The game is losing black players.
Which means something much bigger, it’s losing black fans. Personally, I don’t think that it’s some big racist conspiracy. I think marketing is to blame. Bo the fantastic marketing done by the NBA and NFL the past twenty-five years, and the horrible marketing done by baseball. Ask a baseball fan what defines the past 25 years, and I bet their answer includes: work stoppages, home runs and steroids, Cal Ripken, Barry Bonds, the evil Yankees and their payroll and a cancelled World Series. Ask the same question to an NBA fan, and you’ll hear: Jordan, Bird, Magic, Shaq, Kobe, the Bulls, the Dream Team and LeBron.
What you don’t hear is that baseball has had seven different champions the past seven years, all without a salary cap that allegedly evens the playing field. Yet the NBA has only seen seven different champions in the past 20 years. That’s right, count it. Bulls, Lakers, Rockets, Spurs, Pistons, Heat, and Celtics. Oh, and the Celtics haven’t won since 1986. The NFL has had seven different Super Bowl Champions in the last nine years.
Baseball spends too much time talking about how it’s going to fix its problems, which of course it should do, but in the meantime it should be highlighting how great the game is. Those in charge have depended on fathers to turn their sons on to the game, but that isn’t realistic in this day and age. While the NFL has games once a week, almost all of which start early enough so that kids can see entire games, baseball is starting World Series games at 8pm eastern.
Also, baseball waits to celebrate and market its players until they are on the verge of something great. Cal Ripken was the center of the baseball world for breaking Lou Gehrigs consecutive game streak. LeBron James was the biggest thing in basketball while he was still in high school. Basketball looks forward, while baseball looks backwards. Instead of focusing on Ken Griffey Jr. in the mid 90’s, baseball had to recover from a work stoppage that cost us a World Series.
As great a job as they have done at growing the game over-seas, bringing in players from the far-east and Latin America, baseball has been losing fans at home. It’s all marketing. The NBA gained fans world wide with The Dream Team, and we went from dominating basketball globally to losing in international competition and having three MVP’s in a row won by someone born outside the US.
Sheffield is wrong in his reasoning, but right to be concerned. And if you don’t like baseball and just read all of this, don’t worry, I’ll write about “Entourage” and Knocked-Up either later today or tomorrow.
Which means something much bigger, it’s losing black fans. Personally, I don’t think that it’s some big racist conspiracy. I think marketing is to blame. Bo the fantastic marketing done by the NBA and NFL the past twenty-five years, and the horrible marketing done by baseball. Ask a baseball fan what defines the past 25 years, and I bet their answer includes: work stoppages, home runs and steroids, Cal Ripken, Barry Bonds, the evil Yankees and their payroll and a cancelled World Series. Ask the same question to an NBA fan, and you’ll hear: Jordan, Bird, Magic, Shaq, Kobe, the Bulls, the Dream Team and LeBron.
What you don’t hear is that baseball has had seven different champions the past seven years, all without a salary cap that allegedly evens the playing field. Yet the NBA has only seen seven different champions in the past 20 years. That’s right, count it. Bulls, Lakers, Rockets, Spurs, Pistons, Heat, and Celtics. Oh, and the Celtics haven’t won since 1986. The NFL has had seven different Super Bowl Champions in the last nine years.
Baseball spends too much time talking about how it’s going to fix its problems, which of course it should do, but in the meantime it should be highlighting how great the game is. Those in charge have depended on fathers to turn their sons on to the game, but that isn’t realistic in this day and age. While the NFL has games once a week, almost all of which start early enough so that kids can see entire games, baseball is starting World Series games at 8pm eastern.
Also, baseball waits to celebrate and market its players until they are on the verge of something great. Cal Ripken was the center of the baseball world for breaking Lou Gehrigs consecutive game streak. LeBron James was the biggest thing in basketball while he was still in high school. Basketball looks forward, while baseball looks backwards. Instead of focusing on Ken Griffey Jr. in the mid 90’s, baseball had to recover from a work stoppage that cost us a World Series.
As great a job as they have done at growing the game over-seas, bringing in players from the far-east and Latin America, baseball has been losing fans at home. It’s all marketing. The NBA gained fans world wide with The Dream Team, and we went from dominating basketball globally to losing in international competition and having three MVP’s in a row won by someone born outside the US.
Sheffield is wrong in his reasoning, but right to be concerned. And if you don’t like baseball and just read all of this, don’t worry, I’ll write about “Entourage” and Knocked-Up either later today or tomorrow.
Hirp Reaction
The big news in Kansas City this week, ended up getting national attention, as an 18 year old girl was murdered after being kidnapped outside a local Target. There aren’t many more scenarios that are more terrifying than the exact one that played out in this case. My first ever website, nine years ago, was my response to a local tragedy that claimed the lives of three teenage girls. At the time, it really hit me hard being that I wasn’t much older than they were. This time, I see it from a slightly different perspective. As most of my friends are now parents, and my own nieces and nephews are near the age of the victim, Kelsey Smith, I’m looking at it more through those eyes.
And it’s even more horrifying from this point of view. In a way, it’s a relief that I don’t have children of my own. The Smith family, it goes without saying are the real victims, but aren’t the only victims. Along with their family and friends, every parent is victimized by a case like this. I have one friend who is admittedly a bit over protective, but its hard to find fault in her thinking after something like this happens.
I used to work right next to the Target in which she was abducted from, and in the mall where they found her car. I also just drove within a few blocks of where t hey found her body just two days ago, all of which makes it just a little closer to home. I share the same first name as her father, although we spell it differently. To see a similar story on the news that takes place else where, and they talk about unfamiliar street names, is one thing. To see stores I’ve been in, streets I’ve driven on, and to hear she went to a high school my niece once attended takes it away from Nancy Grace and puts in my world. But at the same time, I can’t help but think, that the only reason it drew so much national attention across the nation is because she’s a cute white girl in the ‘burbs. Some years ago, there was Baby Doe in Kansas City, and that case never came close to being a part of the countries conscious.
Anyway, I really don’t even have a point. I can’t imagine what her family has gone through, and if it were up to me, they’d take t he guy who did it and throw him in a room with her father, uncles and brothers. Turn off the camera, lock the door and let them do whatever they want. If they just want to tell him stories about Kelsey, they could do that. Or if they wanted to beat him to within an inch of death with his own foot, cut off his balls and make him choke on them; well they could do that too.
And it’s even more horrifying from this point of view. In a way, it’s a relief that I don’t have children of my own. The Smith family, it goes without saying are the real victims, but aren’t the only victims. Along with their family and friends, every parent is victimized by a case like this. I have one friend who is admittedly a bit over protective, but its hard to find fault in her thinking after something like this happens.
I used to work right next to the Target in which she was abducted from, and in the mall where they found her car. I also just drove within a few blocks of where t hey found her body just two days ago, all of which makes it just a little closer to home. I share the same first name as her father, although we spell it differently. To see a similar story on the news that takes place else where, and they talk about unfamiliar street names, is one thing. To see stores I’ve been in, streets I’ve driven on, and to hear she went to a high school my niece once attended takes it away from Nancy Grace and puts in my world. But at the same time, I can’t help but think, that the only reason it drew so much national attention across the nation is because she’s a cute white girl in the ‘burbs. Some years ago, there was Baby Doe in Kansas City, and that case never came close to being a part of the countries conscious.
Anyway, I really don’t even have a point. I can’t imagine what her family has gone through, and if it were up to me, they’d take t he guy who did it and throw him in a room with her father, uncles and brothers. Turn off the camera, lock the door and let them do whatever they want. If they just want to tell him stories about Kelsey, they could do that. Or if they wanted to beat him to within an inch of death with his own foot, cut off his balls and make him choke on them; well they could do that too.
June 05, 2007
The Final Countdown
Sopranos spoiler alert*
Sunday was intense to say the least, highlighted by the best episode of Sopranos in two or three seasons. They may have teased us too much with all the build up over last season and this one, but the pay off was well worth it. Everyone knew there’d be a blood bath sooner or later, it was just the who and how’s we were unsure of. Seeing Bobby get lit up like a Christmas tree as almost kind of sad, for a gangster, he’s just a sweet guy. The guy who stands up for his wife, even when she’s a bigger bitch than Rosie O’Donnell on Bitch Growth Hormones (BHG) and still feels some allegiance to Uncle Junior, who refused to attend the funeral of Bobby’s father some seasons ago. He was a giant kid, about to drop eight grand on a train set.
And then to see Sil shot, that hurt, who is by far the most underrated and under-appreciated character. Who wouldn’t want to be an uncle-figure to 20 strippers? He has the hair (of which I’m jealous) the look, there have never been any doubts about his loyalty and great lines like, “I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning.” So I’m going to miss Sil.
But what’s more intriguing than who got clipped is who didn’t. The fact that Paulie “Walnuts” was left off the hitlist is suspect. Then he questions the move to go to war with Phil? Is this guy in cahoots with NY? Let’s look at the evidence: He was friends with John, he’s on the outs with Tony, he is a bumbling idiot who cussed out his own adoptive mother and biological mother and he has the most to gain by whacking Tony. He would be next in line to take over Jersey. Either they didn’t kill him because they want him alive, or because they think he’s such a moron that he’s a non-threat.
So there’s one episode left, and although I’m on pins and needles waiting for Sunday to arrive, I find myself also hoping it never comes. I just don’t want to see it end. I have four theory’s for how the show will end, but I feel like I should pick just one as my official prediction. And here it is: AJ. I’m not exactly sure how, because I don’t see how he can actually rat on his father. Just happens to be the move that could save Tony’s life, while ruining it at the same time. Just, he has no inside info. And after being dragged from his bed, and proving yet again, to be a giant disappointment he’s either going to rise to the occasion and save dad, or get back at him.
Here are the official FromtheHirp.com odds for the final episode:
AJ the “mastermind” of what brings Tony down 4:1
Paulie whacks Tony 8:1
Tony whacks Paulie, then gets whacked by NY 9:1
Tony turns state evidence against the Arab kids 10:1
Meadow shows up naked 100:1
Tony wakes up and it was all a dream, he’s really a used car salesmen in Illinois a million:1
(followed by me breaking my foot off in the television)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Now with all successful movies and television shows, there’s the threat of either a spin off or a sequel, the Sopranos are no different. There has long been talk of a potential movie that would really be the end of it. This is unlikely because both the creator, David Chase, and the star, James Gandolfini, have no interest in doing a movie. But money talks, so it’s always possible.
A spin off is even less likely, Chase owns the rights to the characters and wouldn’t approve some sham of a show to shit on the great work he’s done. But that won’t stop some network from trying to ride its coattails just a little longer. The #1 suspect, in my eyes, is Tony Sirico (Paulie “Walnuts”) this guy can only play gangsters. Look at his resume, which includes:
Mickey Blue Eyes, Witness to the Mob, Mob Queen, Cop Land, Gotti, The Search for One-Eyed Jimmy, Romeo is Bleeding, an extra in some movie called the Godfather and his first recognizable role was in Goodfellas.
It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if a network like USA or FX, offered him a show that has him playing the skipper of a family. And I’d have zero interest in such a show, although I know I’d watch at least a few episodes.
The one idea that does intrigue me some what, although I never want to see it, is some sort of prequel. Last night I was watching an episode on A&E, and it was a flashback to when Tony wasn’t the boss. It was 95, and Jackie Sr., was in charge, and through the flashback they realized just when Big Pussy started working for the Feds. That got me to thinking, now I’d like to see how Tony came up the ranks. I beg it never happens, but I’ll always wonder.
Sunday was intense to say the least, highlighted by the best episode of Sopranos in two or three seasons. They may have teased us too much with all the build up over last season and this one, but the pay off was well worth it. Everyone knew there’d be a blood bath sooner or later, it was just the who and how’s we were unsure of. Seeing Bobby get lit up like a Christmas tree as almost kind of sad, for a gangster, he’s just a sweet guy. The guy who stands up for his wife, even when she’s a bigger bitch than Rosie O’Donnell on Bitch Growth Hormones (BHG) and still feels some allegiance to Uncle Junior, who refused to attend the funeral of Bobby’s father some seasons ago. He was a giant kid, about to drop eight grand on a train set.
And then to see Sil shot, that hurt, who is by far the most underrated and under-appreciated character. Who wouldn’t want to be an uncle-figure to 20 strippers? He has the hair (of which I’m jealous) the look, there have never been any doubts about his loyalty and great lines like, “I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning.” So I’m going to miss Sil.
But what’s more intriguing than who got clipped is who didn’t. The fact that Paulie “Walnuts” was left off the hitlist is suspect. Then he questions the move to go to war with Phil? Is this guy in cahoots with NY? Let’s look at the evidence: He was friends with John, he’s on the outs with Tony, he is a bumbling idiot who cussed out his own adoptive mother and biological mother and he has the most to gain by whacking Tony. He would be next in line to take over Jersey. Either they didn’t kill him because they want him alive, or because they think he’s such a moron that he’s a non-threat.
So there’s one episode left, and although I’m on pins and needles waiting for Sunday to arrive, I find myself also hoping it never comes. I just don’t want to see it end. I have four theory’s for how the show will end, but I feel like I should pick just one as my official prediction. And here it is: AJ. I’m not exactly sure how, because I don’t see how he can actually rat on his father. Just happens to be the move that could save Tony’s life, while ruining it at the same time. Just, he has no inside info. And after being dragged from his bed, and proving yet again, to be a giant disappointment he’s either going to rise to the occasion and save dad, or get back at him.
Here are the official FromtheHirp.com odds for the final episode:
AJ the “mastermind” of what brings Tony down 4:1
Paulie whacks Tony 8:1
Tony whacks Paulie, then gets whacked by NY 9:1
Tony turns state evidence against the Arab kids 10:1
Meadow shows up naked 100:1
Tony wakes up and it was all a dream, he’s really a used car salesmen in Illinois a million:1
(followed by me breaking my foot off in the television)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Now with all successful movies and television shows, there’s the threat of either a spin off or a sequel, the Sopranos are no different. There has long been talk of a potential movie that would really be the end of it. This is unlikely because both the creator, David Chase, and the star, James Gandolfini, have no interest in doing a movie. But money talks, so it’s always possible.
A spin off is even less likely, Chase owns the rights to the characters and wouldn’t approve some sham of a show to shit on the great work he’s done. But that won’t stop some network from trying to ride its coattails just a little longer. The #1 suspect, in my eyes, is Tony Sirico (Paulie “Walnuts”) this guy can only play gangsters. Look at his resume, which includes:
Mickey Blue Eyes, Witness to the Mob, Mob Queen, Cop Land, Gotti, The Search for One-Eyed Jimmy, Romeo is Bleeding, an extra in some movie called the Godfather and his first recognizable role was in Goodfellas.
It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if a network like USA or FX, offered him a show that has him playing the skipper of a family. And I’d have zero interest in such a show, although I know I’d watch at least a few episodes.
The one idea that does intrigue me some what, although I never want to see it, is some sort of prequel. Last night I was watching an episode on A&E, and it was a flashback to when Tony wasn’t the boss. It was 95, and Jackie Sr., was in charge, and through the flashback they realized just when Big Pussy started working for the Feds. That got me to thinking, now I’d like to see how Tony came up the ranks. I beg it never happens, but I’ll always wonder.
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