I Wish..

Some of those that know me know that I sometimes day dream of being a screen writer. I haven’t ever attempted to write a screenplay, but I’ve flirted with a few ideas. Always making the promise to myself, that one day I’ll write something. I may never submit to a studio, an agent or even show it to a friend. But some day, I’ll pound the keyboard long enough to knock out my very own.

In the meantime I watch movies, and more than my share. Occasionally I see something and think to myself, “that’s the kind of movie I wish I would have written.” And it isn’t the classics. Sure, I’d consider selling my soul to have written The Godfather or Heat, or something like Shawshank or even American History X. But those aren’t the ones that send a surge of jealously through my bones. So I’ve decided to come up with a brief list of some of those movies that I just wish were written by me.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - You might notice that a solid number of these movies are more of the under the radar variety. This movie is just so clever and quick witted, and to be honest, I think it even sounds like me at times. The sarcasm and banter sounds exactly like me, only it’s the conversations I have in my head rather than those I utter aloud. Minor detail, I know.

Just Write - First, I’ll admit it. It’s a chick flick, and there’s no hiding it. So mock me if you want, but at least try to understand. It’s a Jeremy Piven vehicle (see, don’t I just sound like I know what I’m talking about? Who else says “vehicle”?) and I’ve owned the video tape for years. That’s my way of subtly telling you that I’ve been a fan of Pivens since before Entourage. Anyway, here’s the premise: Normal schmo who is 30 and has a love of movies, runs into his favorite actress who just happens to be the woman who would be #1 on his laminated list if he had one. This is Sherilyn Fenn, I have a thing for blue eyed brunettes and she’s still top 15 worthy. Anyway, to impress her he claims to be a screen writer, and then has to step up and actually write a screenplay for her. So it’s basically the same dream I had for some 13 years of meeting, and winning over, Jennifer Aniston.

True Romance - I’m picking a Tarantino-penned movie and it isn’t Pulp Fiction, I must be out of my mind right? Wrong. Look, I know Pulp is the superior movie. It’s nearly the perfect movie. If Pulp Fiction was an NBA player and his entire career, it would be Michael Jordan, near perfection almost every step of the way. Only Jordan retired a couple of times, and so did Pulp. The whole Bruce Willis-Fabienne sequence just bores me. True Romance doesn’t have peaks as high as Pulp, but it’s steady all the way through. More like Clyde Drexler. And you have to respect that kind of consistency. Plus, it’s a much more personal story than Pulp and that’s appealing to me.

Out of Sight - The most underrated movie of the 90’s. Clooney’s Jack Foley is the quintessential loveable loser. He is the Chicago Cubs. I don’t know why I make a sports analogy out of every thing, but I hope you don’t mind. He’s smooth, he’s cool, he fucks up every step of the way and he never gets fazed by it. He gets the girl, he loses the girl. He robs banks, he gets caught. A lot. Before he was Danny Ocean, and the epitamy of cool, he was smooth talking a pre-J.Lo, Jennifer Lopez in the trunk of a getaway car. The same girl he risked everything for, ended up shooting him and sending him back to prison. And it was exactly what he wanted. When I say I can relate to his character, I really mean that I wish I was him. That’s what I want to write, something so cool, that people wish they could live in my characters shoes.

Which brings me to Swingers - The most obvious movie on this list. I am Mikey, even if I don’t swing dance. You have a group of friends, a last second trip to Vegas, talking trash over a Sega Genesis, driving the wrong car, and even obsessively calling a girl all the way to getting the right girl in the end. It isn’t larger than life or cheesy, it’s funny and personal with conversations I know my friends and I have had.