When I took this job last October a couple things happened that made me feel all growns up. There was the laptop and the business cards. To me, those marked major milestones in my life. They meant that I finally had a real big kid job. Well today marks another milestone, as today I took my first business trip. That’s right, corporate card, a per diem, a hotel and all those things my dad dreaded. So I’m in lovely Dallas, which has more strip clubs than any city on the face of the planet. Really, what else is there in Texas besides beer, steak, cowboys, Mexican food, Churches and strip clubs? Having the last two on the same list really cracks me up.
Anyway, funniest thing to happen thus far actually took place in Kansas City at around 6:20 this morning. We were taking the shuttle from the parking lot to the terminal, and of course someone had to get a call on their cell, and answer it. What makes it funny to me was the fact that it was a Middle-Eastern man, and he was speaking in another language. Funny for two reasons: 1, that has to be the quickest way to make a group of travelers nervous in this day and age. Aside from having a pre-flight beer next to a belligerent drunk who just happens to be your pilot. The second reason this stuck me as funny was, making up his conversation in my own head.
I’m pretty sure it went something like this, “Yep, I’m at the airport. You’re right, all these white people look nervous. Wow, this is funnier than I thought. I bet if I say Allah and Jihad in the same sentence they’ll ship me to Guantanamo Bay faster than a Saudi minute. Okay, I gotta go. I think they might actually hurt me. The guy in the camouflage hat is changing colors. Before I go, we’re still on for golf Thursday, right?”
I don’t care what you tell me, that was his conversation. Except for the “Allah and Jihad” parts, because, well because I would have understood those words. Like when the Mexicans say gringo and then laugh, I know they’re talking about me even if I don’t know what they’re saying.
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As many of you know, it’s not exactly rare for me to spend a Saturday night playing some cards with some friends. This weekend, however, there’s a slight twist. We didn’t start off with hold ‘em or even Omaha. No, it wasn’t seven card stud either. No, the first game of the night was a competitive bout of Candy Land. Oh, you think I was babysitting? No, it was a thirty-something crowd. And it was great fun. And it got even better. We only played one round of that, and then we realized there was a real pro at the table. We’ll call her “Coco.” She just had a knack for pulling the right cards.
After Candy Land we moved on to the most cut throat card game out there, Uno. If you or your friends are even a little bit passive aggressive, Uno will make you full on, balls to the wall aggressive. I seriously think ESPN should start Uno tournaments, and they should do so yesterday. I may give up poker all together, and just devote my energy to becoming a world class Uno player, much like Itchy Kitty.
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