Hirparent

Last night the KC area had a bit of an electrical storm, and now you’re wondering why this blog worthy is. Well, our place didn’t catch fire, nor do I know anyone whose home did. What happened was so subtle, and personal. So of course I have to make it public. The sound of the hail and thunder woke up the kid around 2:30, and it wasn’t but a minute or two later that she was in our bed. And amazingly, she chose me to snuggle up against. This isn’t like the first time she’s felt safe with me, or gone to me for comfort, but based on the night we had before the storm, I’m pretty moved by it.

See earlier in the night there were some battle lines drawn, over bed time of course. And I kind of messed up, and stepped on mommies toes and tried to lay down the law to get her to stay in bed. Um, this backfired, and so I felt like crap for most of the night. She balled some more, and I kicked myself for the remainder of the night. Then the storm hits, and she finds security in me. So yeah, I was kind of hit by a lightening bolt last night.

And this morning I find myself thinking about parenting, or technically “step-parenting.” Personally, I hate the term, and “step-dad” isn’t a label we often use. I’m a parent now, really have been for the past 6 months or so. But I’m not dad, nor do I have any interest in replacing or father or competing with him for her affections. I have nieces and nephews who lost their father, and I learned then that trying to replace him would be the quickest way to end our relationship. I’m sure it’s all very confusing for her, and we’ve tried very hard to educate her that I’m a friend, not her father.

But that doesn’t change the fact that at times I have to play the role of “dad.” This is different from the role of “big daddy,” so get that out of your mind. And as a team, we do really well. I mean really well, and we saw proof of that in Mexico, not to brag or anything. Okay, fine, I’ll brag. I take a very small, miniscule even, amount of credit for how well adjusted this child is. And that means the world to me.

So this morning I can’t get over the fact that I’m a parent, a sentiment I imagine most of my friends with children of their own often feel. And I really don’t think they feel any differently than I do about this child and this huge responsibility. It’s terrifying, rewarding, empowering and humbling all at once. This isn’t some huge revelation either, I’ve fully understood the magnitude of all this from the very beginning. I just never imagined that one scary storm would floor a relatively full grown adult.