Hirp Gets Retarded

I’m not a fan of The Black Eyed Peas, but I appreciate what they do. Often, I enjoy their songs. They make some catchy damn tunes, there’s no denying it. In fact, I owned their first CD, this was pre-Fergie, “Joints & Jams” was a great song. They looked to be kind of like The Pharcyde, and maybe even a little Tribe Called Quest. Then they added Fergie, an okay looking girl with a pretty great body and pretty good pipes. Next stop: global phenomena.



They’ve been consistent, yet changed just enough to keep from getting stale, and produced commercial hits almost every other week. Basically, they became the music version of Michael Bay. Fergie became more and more annoying, and a bigger distraction. will.i.am, who was originally signed to Eazy-E’s Ruthless label, the original home of NWA, is a proven lyrists and producer. Seriously, just look at the who’s who list that he’s worked with: Justin Timberlake, John Legend, Nas, The game, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Carlos Santana, the Pussycat Dolls and some Michael Jackson fella.

Along the way he did a little something for then candidate Barack Obama, you’ve seen it, the “Yes We Can” video. Amazing stuff and I really believe it helped Obama get elected. What I don’t understand is: why has he stayed with the Peas? He’s their John and Paul. (not that I think he’s either John or Paul) He’s their Axl and Slash. He’s the Justin of their N’Sync. He’s everything, except for the nice legs in a slutty skirt, to that group. After that atrocious Super Bowl halftime show, where Fergie looked stoned or just bored, proved she couldn’t sing and made an argument for why we want backing tracks in those situations.

William, mind if I call you William? Go solo.



Anyway, since I haven’t been impressed with a half time show since, well, ever. Here are my suggestions for future performers:

Jay Z & Beyonce- Both are hugely popular, and Jay is one of two rappers, who can perform live. And Beyonce has the energy to pull it off.


Eminem- He’s the other rapper that can actually perform live. And how great would hearing “Lose Yourself” be heading into the second half? As far as rappers go, a lot of his songs are great anthems. He’s also hilarious, and would be happy to lampoon any pop culture figures. The show could use some humor.


Justin Timberlake- The new King of Pop. Forget about Nipple-Gate.


Dave Matthews Band- A few years past their prime, but they’re epic live. And not ancient (see: Stones, Bon Jovi, The Who, Kiss, and Paul McCartney)