Hirped Off

I was out of work for over a year, and in that time one thing was made crystal clear to me: if you’re looking for a job, you’re going to be treated as a whore. At least a prostitute gets paid for getting bent over. To just get an interview requires busting ones ass. You spend hours on your resume, picking and choosing each word as if your life depends on it, and it kind of does. You read through thousands of positions over dozens of websites just to find one that’s interesting, attainable, relevant, and sounds like it might pay enough. Then you spend sometimes an hour filling out their online application, which requires you to enter pretty much everything that’s on the resume you gave birth to.



After all that, 85 out of 100 go unanswered. Not even a rejection email for your effort. Then you get 14 generic reject emails, and that’s a win. That leaves you with one positive response, if you’re lucky. So now you have an interview to prepare for. You research the company and the person interviewing you. Taking notes like a college freshman on the first day of class. At least that’s how I was, since that was pretty much the only time I remember taking good notes. You move your schedule around, and ask your spouse and kids to adjust as well, so you are available for the interview. I don’t know how many times I was told that the interview would take around an hour, only for it to be over in 15 minutes. Sound familiar? Personally, the night, maybe even two, were sleepless. I stressed to the point that I grew hair just to lose it. Asked my wife which shirt and tie combination would be best, let the Kyd chime in with which tie she thought was my “lucky” tie.

Then finally, you get interviewed. Some go well, some don’t. You spend hours, even days, rehashing every response in your head. NFL coaches don’t spend as much time analyzing every play after a game. You send a thank you note, as everyone suggests you should. Then you wait. Then you wait, and perhaps wait some more. You hear nothing. There’s more chatter out of Bin Laden. Will you get to the next round? Landing this job would change your families’ life, and without a doubt, it will impact future generations. So, yeah, there’s a little pressure here.

What do you hear? Absolutely nothing. A big fat doughnut. There’s no generic email, and there’s no phone call thanking you for applying and putting yourself through hell. So finally you give them a call, just to follow up, and show just how serious you are and how much you want the position. Their response, “oh, we filled that position last week.”

How bout I just lose sleep, drive my family nuts, spend some of my money and instead of interviewing me, you just kick me in the balls and we call it a day.


Seriously, as much as I hate the rejection emails, do me that one favor. Show me that much decency. For the love of God, have a heart.


I have a job now, and that’s great. It’s not the best job in the world, so I’m still looking. This makes going through this hell, a little easier to stomach, but it sure as shit isn’t fun yet. What makes this entire situation even worse is that there seems to be a sentiment out there, that the unemployed don’t want to work. That getting a job is easy if you want one, and the majority of the unemployed are just being lazy. You can say that if you want, just leave $100 on my nightstand in the morning.