*I wrote this on 11/21 but didn’t get a chance to post it till 11/22.

So, today is it, the last day of my twenties. All along I had thought tomorrow was the day, then last night it hit me. My actual birth date this year doesn’t mean much, other than my driver’s license expires. It’s today. In high school (and for many others college) graduation was the big day, the day after just meant you were a graduate. I guess it also meant you were probably pretty hung over.

Tonight is the last night I can quote Dazed and Confused. Well, I can still use the line but now I have to change it to “college girls, I keep getting older, they stay the same age.” Otherwise I’ll just be that creepy guy. And I don’t want to be him till I turn 40. If I want to see either Pacino or Deniro at their best, then tonight is the last night I can watch “Scarface” or “Goodfellas”. Once I hit 30, it’s “Frankie and Johnny and “Awakenings”. Tupac should probably be taken off the iPod so that Neil Diamond can take his place. ESPN gives way to CNN. GQ gets shelved in favor of Time. PTI won’t be a show, and 60 Minutes will no longer just be another way of saying one hour. Today, there isn’t enough sex and violence on television, tomorrow there’ll be too much. These aren’t all inherently bad trades. It’s hardly trading up but it isn’t like I’ll need a hearing aid or bi-focals just yet.

The most upsetting fact, by far, is I will no longer be the cool young uncle that the kids can relate to. Now, I might as well be mom or dad. I might not feel at all different, and my tastes might (and I’m pretty certain will) remain the same. But the kids will see one thing. And old fart. Little shits, what do they know? When I was their age, 30 sounded perfect. I thought it meant owning a house, starting your second marriage, and knowing it all. I didn’t realize then that I already knew it all.

The pluses are, the bars won’t be as noisy. Soccer moms might drive mini-vans, but they also stopped hanging those retarded beads from their rear-view mirror. Women, hopefully, HOPEFULLY, have figured out these three things: All guys are stupid. They aren’t going to end up with John Cusak. And I’m a lot better than their previous husband, I’m also grateful if they married rich the first time.

But it’s 6pm now, I’m waiting on a buddy to have some pizza before headed over to a poker game. And I can’t think of a better way to spend the last few hours of my 20’s. Okay, I can but this is a family site. And if I allow myself to be optimistic, for just a second, things look good right now. The teenage years sucked, and the second half of my 20’s was much better than the first half. The way things are trending, the next 10 years should be fantastic. I hope so. Cause life ends at 40.