Excuse Me

So I was reading some reaction to Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy on CNN.com, and some woman from California made some points about how her daughter realized the pregnancy would impact Spears’ career and life, but then she suddenly went stupid. She said that Spears’ has a good job and “makes a lot of money and has the resources to make sure the baby is taken care of.”

Um, was this the first time she’s watched the news in a few years? Britney has proven to us, money doesn’t mean a damn thing. If you’re not ready to be a mom, it doesn’t matter how much cash you have. A bad mom is a bad mom, and a good mom is a rarity. Having money can just make for a poorly raised, troubled kid-spoiled brat.

In the same story, which is all just readers reactions to the story, I saw more t han a few parents talk about how their kid is too smart, too responsible and would never make such poor choices. Sounds like some stupid ass parents to me. Of course every parent hopes their kid knows better, and most kids do know better, but they still make mistakes. Hell, adults make stupid mistakes all the time. We just don’t view those as great tragedies, but I wonder how many of these parents of honor roll students are going to be surprised when it’s their daughter that’s knocked-up. Or their son that’s about to be a dad, or gets a DUI, or goes to MU. Kids make stupid choices, even the smart ones.

The biggest mistake in this whole mess isn’t even that she got preggers. It’s that she is selling the babies first picture to a tabloid magazine for a million bucks. A kid is going to whore out her own kid. That’s a mistake of grand proportion, and should be a crime. Wonder how long it is till Jamie Lynn is a grand parent, I give it 14 years.

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I hit Target yesterday for one last toy, and it wasn’t even busy. Just a regular Sunday night in the ‘burbs. But what the hell is wrong with people? Just three words, ex cuse and me. That’s all they have to say, but it seems to have vanished from the English language. Forget that I wanted to say “fuck you” to those strangers who wish me a Merry Christmas, I now want to just knock-out the idiots who can’t say “excuse me,” or “pardon,” or some other variation. Even a friggin’ head nod will suffice. And that 5 year old that ran into me yesterday, I’m looking for him. For Christmas he’s getting a can of whoop ass and so is his dad, who was no where to be seen or apologize for his little shit kid and poor parenting.

Spear Me

The apple doesn’t fall far from the trailer park. Mother-of-the-year, Britney Spears, has a 16 year old little sister, Jamie Lynn, who looks exactly how Brit did when she was that age (complete with a show on Nick which I’ve been forced to watch) and she just announced she’s preggers. There’s following in the footsteps of your big sis, but that doesn’t mean you have to follow them when the prints are on the ceiling.

Here’s a snippet from the article I read “She (the grandmother) said her actress daughter, the telegenic heroine of her popular Nickelodeon series, has known Aldridge (baby-daddy) for years and began dating him in high school.”

Oh, they began dating in high school. Well then, it’s no big deal is it? What the fuck!? Do they think the public is THAT stupid?!? 16 is still high school aged, although I don’t think many 16 year olds with a baby on the way stay in school very long. I guess she could teach Brit a thing or two about long-term relationships. At one point I even had a little respect for the kid, when I saw a clip of her telling a Malibu neighbor of her big sister she wasn’t welcome to, “fucking move then!” I thought the kid had spunk, I guess I was sorta right.

Note: It’s the right time to be a part of a scandal, with the writer strike you don’t have to worry about Letterman or Conan taking shots at you.

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KSU fans love to make jokes about KU and Lawrence being homo-sexual friendly, right? Has anyone noticed that they are the school with a built in lisp? Never mind the whole purple thing…

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What’s the difference between “family values” and just plain ol’ values?

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Found this on IMDB.com:

“Oscar winner Jamie Foxx will take over Las Vegas' JET nightclub on Friday to celebrate his 40th birthday. The Ray star has been planning the party for months and plans to recreate his favorite film, Boyz N The Hood, at the bash. In a recent interview Foxx said, "I want to dress up as Wesley Snipes' character Nino Brown in an electric-blue suit, without a shirt on, carry a bottle of Dom Perignon (champagne), have some rottweilers next to me... I can't wait."

Everyone knows Nino Brown was in New Jack City, right? I mean, those two movies aren’t even close to the same thing. It’d be one thing if he was dressing up as O-Dogg from Menece II Society, and they said Boyz N The Hood. You can recreate Nino, but if you try to recreate Boyz N The Hood, well Mikey said it best in Swingers, “Haven’t you see Boyz N the Hood? Now one us is going t o get shot.” Boyz is as similar to New Jack as I Am Legend is to Men In Black.


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The Mitchell Report proves nothing and accomplishes nothing. Supposedly, it covers the last 10 years of baseball. Which means 86 (the number of players named) represents less than 2% of all that have played in that period. It’s not a legal document, and those named have no real way to clear their names or recover. The report blames the players, teams and MLB itself for the problem, and Commisoner Selig has said he’ll treat those named as “users” and punish them case-by-case. If he had balls, an ounce of integrity, and actually gave a shit about the game he would accept responsibility (as he wants players to do) and he’d step down. He should also fine himself.

Seriously, how messed up is Major League Baseball right now? On one hand they are bragging about how aggressively they are going after cheating. And on the other they are bragging about how the game has never been more popular and that the game brought in $6 billion in 2007. That’s either amazingly arrogant, that they don’t see the correlation between juiced up players and the bottom line, or frighteningly stupid. Neither is a positive for leader of any organization. And we can’t lose sight of the fact that Selig called for this report, which is nothing but McCarthyism. Are we to assume that those names left off the report are innocent?

If they are trying to “right the wrongs” they can start by lowering ticket prices. They went up because of supply and demand right? Well, demand went up because we thought we were seeing amazing accomplishments, and now they are telling us we saw enhanced players and that their accomplishments aren’t so great.

And I’m considering legal action against hundreds of players. I haven’t won my fantasy baseball title, but I’m certain it’s because I was playing with only clean players, and was at a significant disadvantage. Also, I think all sports video games should now offer the choice of whether or not you want to juice your players.

How do you say "Oy vey" in Spanish?

I made the big move to the campus today. So I feel like both, the new kid in school and also an adult. The new kid, because I’m lost on this huge campus. This is Porqchops’ dream come true; I can visit a new toilet everyday till our stock goes up or hell freezes over. And I feel like an adult, because well frankly, there are a lot of grown folks around here. Some I even know.

Anyway, I have a few likes and dislikes to go over. Let’s start with the restroom. Okay, automated urinals are one thing. No one really flushes those things anyway, but an automated toilet? I don’t know about that, I’m just not sure if I’m comfortable with their being a sensor pointed at my backside. How easy would it be for that to be replaced with a lipstick camera? Admittedly, they’d have to change the name from “lipstick cam.” We also have sinks and soap dispensers that have sensors, ah technology. But we have good ol’ manual paper towel dispensers. This seems inconsistent to me. Once again, I’ve found vending machines that lack the necessities. I’m starting to feel discriminated against as a Starburst supporter. Toss the health food snacks, if you’re spending less than a dollar on a snack, you aren’t getting anything healthy nor should you.


***

Been in touch with the resort in Mexico a lot lately, and realized I should have paid attention in Spanish class in junior high and high school. Talking louder and ending every word with the letter “O” doesn’t work like I thought it would.

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The first section of this post was written around 9:30am, I just found a vending machine with Starburst, so we can call off Sharpton and Jackson. Over lunch we made a run to the McDs on Metcalf, which is like Capital Grille compared to the McDs we were running to while working downtown. But I realized working so close to where I spent my teenage years is a bit depressing. I suddenly felt like I never got away at all. I remember when they built Rosanna Square, and I worked at this Best Buy when it opened. Now 15 years later I’ve come full circle.

Happy Holidays...

I was never a huge fan of Christmas, not to the extreme that I wanted laws that forbid any signs of it in public, just wanted things toned down a bit. And on my ride home last night, I was listening to the worstest person in the world, Bill O’Reilly, as he rambled on about how some leftist members of the media were rallying against such displays. Simply said, O’Reilly is a jackass.

He claims his show is the “no-spin zone” but that’s even misleading. No spin, only because it’s just straight up propaganda. Anyone who disagrees with his opinions, are interrupted and called names. At best, he’ll just call them irrational, if he’s being nice.

It isn’t that I’m offended by Christmas, in fact it’s now very important to me, but if you want people to be accepting of your beliefs and take your feelings into consideration then you have to be willing to do the same. O’Reilly had beef with those who would prefer the greeting of the season be “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas.” He continued to drop the phrase, “its accepted tradition” and state that 70% of Americans agree with him. Fine, so be it. Does that mean we shouldn’t give a shit about the other 30% or care what they think? How can you have zero respect for their feelings based on the fact that you feel they don’t respect your feelings? Hello, Pot, meet kettle.

If “Merry Christmas” is so acceptable, than so is my response, “fuck you.” Seriously, I don’t mean any disrespect, just as I’m sure anyone saying “merry Christmas” doesn’t mean any disrespect. But both phrases can be disrespectful, or uncomfortable. It probably isn’t something a Christian would give a second thought to, but when you say “Merry Christmas” to a Jew, or for that matter an atheist, Muslim or anyone else, you’re putting them in an uncomfortable situation. Go back to my religion as sports philosophy, and think for a second, how a MU fan would feel if someone came up and said “Go Hawks.” That’s the same as telling a Jew, “Merry Christmas.” The Tiger won’t be happy, even if there was absolutely nothing malicious intended. It’d be the same as going up to one of Bill O’Reilly’s followers and assuming they love Keith Olberman.

Those who are offended or uncomfortable are undoubtedly the minority, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get a say or their feelings aren’t important. To think so, well that wouldn’t be in the Christmas spirit as I understand it. I hear words like: hope, joy, peace, giving, and sale. How does that go along with being inconsiderate, ignorant, arrogant, or O’Reilly?

We have freedom of religion in this country, but that doesn’t just mean the freedom to practice whatever religion you choose to. It means the freedom to not practice any, and also to not be ostrizied if you don’t agree with the masses. And O’Reilly or you, or someone next to you, might not realize that when you throw Christmas in the face of someone who doesn’t believe, you’re doing just that. A simple, “Merry Christmas” puts me on the spot. Should I wish you a happy Hanukkah in return, nod and smile, or return the pleasantry? Or should I follow my gut and go with the “fuck you.” That’s what the Tiger fan would say to the Jayhawk.

And best of all, O’Reilly some brought up how he has issue with the fact that schools aren’t supposed to be supporting or celebrating Christmas. He suggested school assemblies with carolers and such. And for those that aren’t comfortable with that? Well, they can have their own assembly at the same time. What is next Bill, arm-bands and tattoos?

And know this, I’m an agnostic Jew who has a Christmas tree and an apartment full of Christmas decorations that I really like. Because it means a lot to two very important people, it means a lot to me, and we also have a Menorah and celebrated Hanukkah. The difference here is they respect my beliefs and wishes, and I respect theirs. We don’t follow O’Reilly’s thoughts that the minority has to accept Christmas; I accept it out of respect because I’m given the same respect. It’s that simple.

Questions and a Rant

What kind of vending machine has neither Starburst nor Skittles?

If the temperature is 29 degrees, how can it feel like its 19? This logic isn’t allowed in anything else. My $20 can’t feel like $100. My quarter tank of gas can’t feel like a full tank. This whole “Feels like” deal, smells like a bunch of bullshit. And according to whom? I want that job. I want to walk outside, ignore the thermometer, and say “hmm, feels like 30. Check please.”

What is it about “jeans day’ that gets people so excited? They really aren’t that much more comfortable than other pants. Is work easier in denim? Or is it the site of your boss wearing jeans, white socks and penny loafers that makes this day an unofficial Holiday?

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I love people, and when I say love, I mean hate. Not all people, just stupid, ignorant, annoying, foolish, rude, assholes, double talking jackasses. You know, to be specific. So I moved, we’ve covered that much. My old apartment told me they were letting me out of my lease, and that I’d receive my deposit in 2-3 weeks. A month passes, and no check has shown up. So I call Friday, and they tell me corporate will call me on Monday. No call on Monday or Tuesday, so I call again today. Again, I’m told it would come from corporate, so I get their number and give t hem a ring. Turns out the apartment manager hasn’t submitted anything for a deposit. Corporate is going to call the manager, and a check should be cut this week.

A few minutes later I get a call from the idiot apartment manager, who informs me that the lease I signed runs through May. Um, yeah. I know this. That was the point of me asking to GET OUT of said lease, which one of her employees informed me would be just fine. I let her know this, and I’m told, “Corporate is above (blank).” Great, then why do you hire people? Did this manager check up on the paperwork, which I’m sure she saw? So she tells me she’s going to talk to corporate and try and get me off the hook. Oh hell no, try nothing. I’m not paying them a dime. They might keep my deposit, which I didn’t expect back until their employee told me I’d get it. SO I might give up that money. But if they think they’re getting me to pay rent till May, they can kiss my touchas. (Yiddish for ass)

Oy Vey

Had a total “dad” like moment the other night, the stuff Hallmark commercials are made of. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, and no one else knew about it. I was just in my car on the way to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for the rug rat. The car seems to be the place I most often feel like I have a family. Typically, I get the feeling when the three of us are going some place. And most often, it’s when the little one is dosing off in the back.

So yeah, this blog has sure changed its tune of late. Not that I lived like Hank from “Californiacation” but it’s safe to say, and I’m proud to say, my life is without question more domesticated. Just yesterday the kiddo came home after spending some time with her father, and one of the first things she said was, “we have to light something.” Now, I’m pretty liberal, but I’m not THAT liberal. She didn’t mean anything illegal; she wanted to light the Hanukkah candles. So after she told us her dradel story, we lit the candles. And it’s pretty well documented that I’m one of the worst Jews alive, but I had this sense of pride as well as amazement, when I helped her light the candles and had her repeat a prayer in Hebrew.

The dradle story I didn’t share with her, is one that’s very telling about ol’ Hirp. Back in second grade I ran into a little trouble at school. No one was suspended, or even had their parents told, but it speaks volumes about me. In the back of the class, during free time, two friends and I broke out the dradle. Harmless enough, right? Only we weren’t playing for chocolate (as customary), no we were playing for pennies. Hey, this was the early 80’s, money was hard to come by. Anyway, our game gets broken up. Point is, I was 7 years old and organizing gambling. Maybe it’s a good thing I left New York; I might have been involved in organized crime by 6th grade. Running book through junior high, shake downs in high school. That means I could be Boss of Bosses by now. Hmm, fuhgetaboutit. Greggy the mench. The Hirpino crime family. The Hebrew Hammer, shit, that’s taken. Then again, if I got pinched in second grade, maybe avoiding a life of crime was a wise decision on my part. You know, I am pretty smart.

Random

I’m not really an idiot savant, probably an idiot, but pretty sure it’s without the savant. So I don’t go all Charlie Babbit when someone messes with my routine, but it sure does irk me. I get in the car this morning, to drive to work, and flip the dial to listen to Mike and Mike in the Morning, only to find out it’s been changed. I haven’t been t his bummed about a radio station changing its format since the Lazer sold out back in ’98.

I spent my morning drive hitting the damn search button, which I thought was reserved for road trips, pre-iPod, and rental cars. I couldn’t find ESPN Radio, although I Googled it first thing when I got to work, and I think I found it on 1510am. But I’m not real confident about this, the ESPN Radio page lists this as the station to hear my show, but the stations site doesn’t mention the show.

It better turn up some where on my dial, or I’m going to start hitting myself and yelling about hot water burning baby. Definitely.

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I just want to give a giant, “up yours,” to MU. Mazel tov, bitches.

If the chick from the resort in Mexico doesn’t return my calls, I’m going to go down there and drag her ass across the border just so I can get her deported.

Well, another weekend and another birthday party. What happened to pizza parties?

Evil Knievel passed away, I haven’t heard if the cause of death is known or not. But it better not have been something silly, like he fell in the shower or down some stairs.

What makes a McDonalds cup so much better than any other cup? You can knock your drink over and the top stays on. Burger Kings top comes off without reason or warning. We need engineers like that working on auto safety.

Speaking of poor design, what’s the deal with Orbitz and their packaging? The pieces of gum on the edge are always such a bitch to get out.

Something else I hate: taking a sip of my refreshment only to find out they gave me diet or Pibb.