Hirplings

I think I should be able to adjust the time on our cable box. I’d like it to be 15 minutes fast, but only from 4pm to 8:30pm. Just so the kyd may get to bed 15 minutes early without putting up a defense that would make R.Kelly jealous. After she falls asleep, I would like for the cable box to return to actual time. There should be a “kid time” setting on everything that tells time.

Those people, you know the ones, they never hold the door open for anyone. I’m wondering what life is like for them. For me, I get stuck in that in-between spot, where I’m not sure if the person behind me is close enough that I should hold the door, or if I do, will I be holding it too long. What would it be like if I wasn’t aware of the person 9 steps behind me? Would I sleep better at night?

Car makers need to invent something that prevents a car from changing lanes for 8 seconds after the driver puts on the turn signal. Attempting to change lanes sooner should either not be allowed, and an electric shock should be sent to their genitals.

A birthday card was just being passed around the office. I signed it “Happy Birthday, I know you won’t read this.” I’m interested to see if she catches it, or if from now on I can start writing what I really think on birthday cards at work.

Whatever happened to GatorGum? That was some good stuff. Near Fruit Stripe level.