Brothers and Sisters

Alright, first thing first, I watch too much television. Okay, let’s just get that out there. I know it, and I’m perfectly okay with it. I feel better now that it’s out in the open. So, big shocker, I watched a new show last night. And before you judge, hear me out. Oh hell, you won’t hear me out so, just go ahead and judge me you ignorant bastards. I watched Brothers and Sisters. That’s right, I said it. A new Calista “I swear I don’t have an easting disorder” Flockhart and Sally “your mother has cried through every movie I ever made” Field. If those aren’t the longest middle names ever, then well, let me introduce you to some Africans I know.

Anyway, the show is fine. This isn’t going to actually be a review. Watch it, don’t watch it. I don’t really care that much. It’s nothing ground breaking and it doesn’t seem to be a water cooler show. But, it did get me thinking. See, in the show there is a rather large family. And in this rather large family, there is something like three boys and three girls. But they aren’t kids, no they are my age. Shit, they are all in their 30’s and 40’s and I just said my age. I am now seriously depressed. Anyway, so we have this big family and it’s far from a perfect family. But, that’s what is supposed to make it a normal family. It’s a perfectly normal dysfunctional family.

And here is what stuck a chord with me. All these brothers and sisters seem to have these cool relationships. Not to where they are each others best friends or some cheese like that. But, they know each other. They know embarrassing stories, accomplishments, and everything in between. What’s so great about that? Nothing, it sounds perfectly normal to me. And that’s what sucks. It’s how it sounds to me, not the experience I have as the youngest of three. For the most part, I don’t really have a relationship with either my brother or sister.

My brother is a great guy, a loving father who is nuts about his two girls and a devoted husband. An amazingly creative guy too. There isn’t an instrument he can’t play and he seriously makes music that can rival anything you hear on the radio. If American Idol came out ten or fifteen years ago, I’m sure he could have won it. But we hardly know each other. And it isn’t that we’ve grown apart, it’s pretty much always been like that. There’s a pretty big age difference, and I think that’s played a large part in our relationship. We weren’t close enough in age to ever fight like some brothers do, and we were so far apart that he didn’t really have any reason to take me under his wing. And to be honest, he had some troubles when I was a kid, and probably wouldn’t have made a great role model. About a year ago he was in town, and he stayed with me, and it went really well. But neither one of us has called much. We simply don’t have all that much in common.

My sister and I, well that’s a whole different sob story. I’ve talked to her for seriously, maybe 15 seconds in the past year and only a handful of times in the past two years. She’s battled a substance abuse problem since Reagan was in office. Holy crap, that’s weird to actually say. I hadn’t ever thought of it like that, till just then when I wrote it. There were times we were pretty close but, it was always different. I’m five years younger but, have felt more like a big brother. As a baby, we shared a room and I guess I used to sing myself to sleep. And in doing so, managed to keep her awake, can’t sing now so I imagine I couldn’t sing then. I also did my share of pestering her and her friends, a talent I developed early and have mastered over the years. When I was seventeen, she and her two kids came to live with my parents and I, and she and I got kind of close for the first time. Or so I thought, now looking back it was probably more of a con job on her part. How’s that for a happy memory? This isn’t to bash my brother and sister, I’m as much to blame as they are.

Any relationship is 50/50, I understand that. I also think at least part of the gap between us, stems from the fact that they were both adopted and I wasn’t. Not that my parents played favorites or anything like that. And this isn’t anything that the three of us really ever talked about but, I believe the fact that we don’t look like each other has played a significant role. I have a couple of friends who were also adopted but, I really don’t know all that much about the relationships they have with their siblings. But, maybe there’s a tighter bond when you share DNA. It goes back to that age old nature versus nurture question. We shared some similar experiences since we grew up in the same home but, I don’t think we probably viewed them the same way.

I wish things were different, and maybe some day they will be. I have friends who have what to me, looks like these great relationships with their siblings. One buddy has a little sister who goes to school in Boston. And they’re great friends; he gets completely stoked when he’s going to visit her. I have cousins in LA, who probably don’t see much of each other as much as they could or should. Yet, when I see them together, I see two guys who just know each other. They can needle each other and insult each other like brothers should. They also know each others tastes, my brother and sister would be shocked by 70% of the music on my IPod. So, I envy them and the brothers and sisters in this show. And that was one long friggin' post.