I don’t know if you’ve seen or heard about this, but it looks like we may have a new Bad Boy Records-Death Row Records-like beef. With one twist, rather than a beef between two record companies, this time it looks to be between two “news” organizations. Recently Fox News ran an ad that took a shot at Anderson Cooper. You can watch the clip here.
There, did you watch? Would Peter Jennings and Tom Brokaw ever be involved in something like this? What I love was the crack about the “publicity” that Anderson Cooper gets. C’mon! Here you are, giving the guy publicity for crying out loud! That’s just one example of what makes those at Fox News a bunch of morons. The other is the crack about Cooper not being a real journalist and losing to a girl. Well, let’s look at that alleged “girl,” Greta Van Susteren. This opportunistic piece of plastic-Scientologist crap isn’t a journalist at all. She has a law degree, and because she was easy on the eyes she was given a chance to get on the air during the William Kennedy Smith trial. Later she popped up on of all places, CNN, to help cover the OJ case.
It really reminds me of a rap beef, Fox News bragging about ratings like rappers brag about record sales. Let me set the record straight here, making more money than someone else doesn’t make you better. Being more popular, doesn’t make you smarter. And saying completely assanign crap doesn’t make you edgy. If Fox News was comfortable with their place in the market, would they really feel the need to take a shot at someone?
And who the hell does Fox think they are? They must have a short memory; they seem to have forgotten what made them. When the Fox Channel first made its splash, it was with “Married with Children” and “The Simpson’s.” Two shows that thoroughly pissed off the religious right for their lack of family values. Isn’t it ironic, don’t ya think? And now they air “American Idol,” which has a done more to dumb down America than President Beavis or Vice President Butthead.
The truth is that this is all just a crappy marketing campaign. A campaign that happens lacks class, originality, a point and anything that could resemble intelligence. Fox News is pimping out their little “journalist” to take shots at actual journalists. So Greta has to keep her raitings high, cuz bitch betta have Rupert “Suge Knight” Murdoch’s money. The only good that can come from all this, is if Bill O’Reilly gets taken out in a drive-by in Vegas.
January 31, 2007
January 29, 2007
Solid Aces
Jeremy Piven was always a “that guy.” He was always a guy in a movie that when you talked to your friends about, they thought “that guy” was funny, and they remember “that guy” from every John Cusak movie or from Rush Hour, or PCU. Or you knew you had seen “that guy” in some other movie, but couldn’t remember the flick. He was the quintessential “that guy.” Then along comes some little HBO series, and he becomes everyone’s favorite asshole. Liberace couldn’t find an asshole he liked as much as we like Ari.
And being that I’m the kinda guy who is trying out for a Pop Culture game show, I knew his filmography better than most. I had seen, enjoyed and even own an indie movie called Just Write that he did. And within 2 minutes of Smokin’ Aces I recognized Alex Rocco’s voice (Mo Green from GF2) as his father from said indie flick. Basically, I knew who Piven was to the point that he wasn’t a “that guy” to me. He was Piven, Cusaks sidekick who needed bigger roles.
So when Smokin’ Aces was announced, I was excited to say the least. Then I saw a preview, and I was still pumped. Then I saw it on a more regular basis, and I got scared. I started seeing a colossal screw up. It started looking like it was more The Big Hit than Oceans 11. More Lucky Numbers than Get Shorty. So as the release date neared, I found myself excited to see a movie I was sure was going to be a disappointment. Usually I only feel that way before a poker tournament.
Turns out I was pleasantly surprised, and totally relieved. It isn’t the perfect movie by any means, and as much as Joe Carnahan tries, he can’t make Pulp Fiction. In a movie full of over the top characters, Piven actually underplayed the coke head snitch. Look for the scene between Common and Piven. This isn’t Ari, but a guy I can see one day getting an Oscar nomination.
The biggest surprise for me was Ryan Reynolds. That’s right, Van Wilder. The guy has made a career of basically playing an R-rated Zach Morris, and just as Mark-Paul Gosselaar shocked me when he showed he could actually act on “NYPD Blue,” Reynolds held his own opposite of Ray Liotta. It’s a fun little ride, and definitely worth checking out.
And being that I’m the kinda guy who is trying out for a Pop Culture game show, I knew his filmography better than most. I had seen, enjoyed and even own an indie movie called Just Write that he did. And within 2 minutes of Smokin’ Aces I recognized Alex Rocco’s voice (Mo Green from GF2) as his father from said indie flick. Basically, I knew who Piven was to the point that he wasn’t a “that guy” to me. He was Piven, Cusaks sidekick who needed bigger roles.
So when Smokin’ Aces was announced, I was excited to say the least. Then I saw a preview, and I was still pumped. Then I saw it on a more regular basis, and I got scared. I started seeing a colossal screw up. It started looking like it was more The Big Hit than Oceans 11. More Lucky Numbers than Get Shorty. So as the release date neared, I found myself excited to see a movie I was sure was going to be a disappointment. Usually I only feel that way before a poker tournament.
Turns out I was pleasantly surprised, and totally relieved. It isn’t the perfect movie by any means, and as much as Joe Carnahan tries, he can’t make Pulp Fiction. In a movie full of over the top characters, Piven actually underplayed the coke head snitch. Look for the scene between Common and Piven. This isn’t Ari, but a guy I can see one day getting an Oscar nomination.
The biggest surprise for me was Ryan Reynolds. That’s right, Van Wilder. The guy has made a career of basically playing an R-rated Zach Morris, and just as Mark-Paul Gosselaar shocked me when he showed he could actually act on “NYPD Blue,” Reynolds held his own opposite of Ray Liotta. It’s a fun little ride, and definitely worth checking out.
January 26, 2007
Dakota Porning?
So there is a controversy swirling around the new Dakota Fanning movie. You know Dakota, she’s the kid actress who has worked with better actors than Nicole Kidman and has resume that is more impressive than Drew Barrymore’s. Well it seems little Dakota, who is now all of 12 years old, is in a new indie movie “Hounddog” in which she plays a rape victim. And they actually filmed the scene. Putting people up in arms over how anyone could let this happen. Without seeing the movie and the scene, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this.
My gut tells me they could have told the story and left out the scene. Maybe what we need is to actually see the brutality of the crime. But there have been great movies that dealt with awful things such as the Holocaust, that didn’t have to show us men, women and children in the gas chambers and I don’t see how they could have been any more poignant. And even if the scene makes the movie, and goes beyond that to reach its audience and even cause some sort of change, is it right to film it? Is it child pornography? Is it unfair to Dakota, who is now telling the media that “it’s called acting.”
Really though, no 12 year old can handle this. Sure she understands how awful rape is, and she gets that it makes for a powerful scene. And of course she wants to do something shocking that garners attention, what 12 year old girl doesn’t want that? There’s just no way she can see how this could traumatize her down the road. I know Jodie Foster turned out okay after “Taxi Driver” and Dakota “saw” some horrible acts of violence in “Man On Fire” and “War of the Worlds”, so maybe she’ll turn out just fine and this won’t affect her. Or maybe she, and other child actors, shouldn’t be in subject to most of the violence in their movies.
Let’s assume she’s fine, that it doesn’t screw her up and we never see her on “E! True Hollywood” stories talking about how she turned to doing coke off of the DVD box to “Hounddog” and taking late night calls from Charlie Sheen. Okay, that doesn’t happen. She goes on to have a career like Jodie Foster, and she wins more Oscars than Meryl Streep. Now if that’s how her life turns out, great, but what about the impact the scene has on others? Is it worth it if some guy rents the movie after stopping off at the drug store to stock up on Kleenex and baby oil. Then takes it one step further and starts watching the playgrounds before he snatches a kid up and acts it out? No of course it wouldn’t be the films fault; people are responsible for their own actions. And that sick fuck was probably going to do something eventually anyway. But then he gets arrested and ends up being interviewed by Matt Lauer Jr, and he blames the movie. This then leads to a screenplay about the crime, which of course includes a reenactment of both the scene in the movie and his actual crimes. Then what? Or maybe I’m just getting ahead of myself.
I know this, watching that scene is going to fuck up someone. Maybe the actors involved will come out unscathed, but I guarantee some ones uncle or parent, brother or sister is going to need some serious therapy. If one of my nieces or nephews was acting, and they were part of this scene, I would go absolutely nuts. Oh, and the reviews of the movie are pretty horrible and no one seems to want to pick up distribution.
On a lighter note, here are two new additions to the list of things that bother me:
Very cold toilet seats
Oddly warm toilet seats
My gut tells me they could have told the story and left out the scene. Maybe what we need is to actually see the brutality of the crime. But there have been great movies that dealt with awful things such as the Holocaust, that didn’t have to show us men, women and children in the gas chambers and I don’t see how they could have been any more poignant. And even if the scene makes the movie, and goes beyond that to reach its audience and even cause some sort of change, is it right to film it? Is it child pornography? Is it unfair to Dakota, who is now telling the media that “it’s called acting.”
Really though, no 12 year old can handle this. Sure she understands how awful rape is, and she gets that it makes for a powerful scene. And of course she wants to do something shocking that garners attention, what 12 year old girl doesn’t want that? There’s just no way she can see how this could traumatize her down the road. I know Jodie Foster turned out okay after “Taxi Driver” and Dakota “saw” some horrible acts of violence in “Man On Fire” and “War of the Worlds”, so maybe she’ll turn out just fine and this won’t affect her. Or maybe she, and other child actors, shouldn’t be in subject to most of the violence in their movies.
Let’s assume she’s fine, that it doesn’t screw her up and we never see her on “E! True Hollywood” stories talking about how she turned to doing coke off of the DVD box to “Hounddog” and taking late night calls from Charlie Sheen. Okay, that doesn’t happen. She goes on to have a career like Jodie Foster, and she wins more Oscars than Meryl Streep. Now if that’s how her life turns out, great, but what about the impact the scene has on others? Is it worth it if some guy rents the movie after stopping off at the drug store to stock up on Kleenex and baby oil. Then takes it one step further and starts watching the playgrounds before he snatches a kid up and acts it out? No of course it wouldn’t be the films fault; people are responsible for their own actions. And that sick fuck was probably going to do something eventually anyway. But then he gets arrested and ends up being interviewed by Matt Lauer Jr, and he blames the movie. This then leads to a screenplay about the crime, which of course includes a reenactment of both the scene in the movie and his actual crimes. Then what? Or maybe I’m just getting ahead of myself.
I know this, watching that scene is going to fuck up someone. Maybe the actors involved will come out unscathed, but I guarantee some ones uncle or parent, brother or sister is going to need some serious therapy. If one of my nieces or nephews was acting, and they were part of this scene, I would go absolutely nuts. Oh, and the reviews of the movie are pretty horrible and no one seems to want to pick up distribution.
On a lighter note, here are two new additions to the list of things that bother me:
Very cold toilet seats
Oddly warm toilet seats
January 22, 2007
Soda Jerk
Right off the bat, let’s get one thing straight. It is soda, it isn’t pop. Pop describes a sound, or an action. It can also be another name for “dad.” It is not a carbonated beverage. Don’t tell me this is just a regional name for it, I don’t buy into that. It is just flat out incorrect. If any of the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election includes this into their message they’ll get my vote. Even if it that candidate were Jeb Bush. Okay, that might not be true. I happen to believe that if we can all come to agree on this issue, we can accomplish anything. It separates the country as much as political affiliation.
I know it’s a losing argument on par with abortion, the war, gun control, and what comes first the chicken or the egg. But these are the type of issues I tackle. Today though, I’m not here to set the world straight. No, today I’m here to talk about something that totally baffles me. I just can’t understand why the taste of soda is so determinate on the medium is served, this baffles almost as much as women.
You can have one drink and it will taste totally different from a 2 liter plastic bottle, a can, a soda fountain (notice it’s not called a pop fountain) or a 1 liter bottle from a vending machine. And there is always a clear cut best. Take Coke for example. Recent studies show that 9/10 people prefer it from a fountain, and the majority feel McDonalds has the right mix. Okay, probably making up these numbers, but you know you don’t doubt them for a second. Now Coke from the 2 liter is also pretty solid, but it’s a completely different flavor from a can. And no drink tastes good in the bottle from the vending machine.
• Mountain Dew is best from the can, sickening from a 2 liter and battery acid from a fountain.
• Sprite excels from the 2 liter, solid from the fountain, and drinkable from a can. Really, it’s the most consistent soda.
• Diet drinks, well I can’t stand them. They taste nothing like their calorie-enhanced counterparts no matter what the companies claim. Those that drink diet seem to have some fanatical attachment to it. This isn’t healthy, even if the nutritional value says otherwise.
I just don’t understand why this happens. I watch the Discovery Channel on occasion, how come they haven’t looked into this? What about Myth Busters, can’t they figure out a way to make all soda taste the same? This is a week after Martin Luther King Day, and I don’t mean to belittle his dream, but I have a dream of my own. I have a dream, that one day all soda will be created equally.
*******************
Now, a totally separate thought. This weekend I was talking to a friend of mine who was going through some tough times, and in the conversation I used “well on the bright side…” and she made an interesting point. Whenever something has a “bright side” it usually isn’t all that good. So we talked and decided that phrase needs to be changed. Bright side just isn’t accurate. It’s more of a dimly lit side.
I know it’s a losing argument on par with abortion, the war, gun control, and what comes first the chicken or the egg. But these are the type of issues I tackle. Today though, I’m not here to set the world straight. No, today I’m here to talk about something that totally baffles me. I just can’t understand why the taste of soda is so determinate on the medium is served, this baffles almost as much as women.
You can have one drink and it will taste totally different from a 2 liter plastic bottle, a can, a soda fountain (notice it’s not called a pop fountain) or a 1 liter bottle from a vending machine. And there is always a clear cut best. Take Coke for example. Recent studies show that 9/10 people prefer it from a fountain, and the majority feel McDonalds has the right mix. Okay, probably making up these numbers, but you know you don’t doubt them for a second. Now Coke from the 2 liter is also pretty solid, but it’s a completely different flavor from a can. And no drink tastes good in the bottle from the vending machine.
• Mountain Dew is best from the can, sickening from a 2 liter and battery acid from a fountain.
• Sprite excels from the 2 liter, solid from the fountain, and drinkable from a can. Really, it’s the most consistent soda.
• Diet drinks, well I can’t stand them. They taste nothing like their calorie-enhanced counterparts no matter what the companies claim. Those that drink diet seem to have some fanatical attachment to it. This isn’t healthy, even if the nutritional value says otherwise.
I just don’t understand why this happens. I watch the Discovery Channel on occasion, how come they haven’t looked into this? What about Myth Busters, can’t they figure out a way to make all soda taste the same? This is a week after Martin Luther King Day, and I don’t mean to belittle his dream, but I have a dream of my own. I have a dream, that one day all soda will be created equally.
*******************
Now, a totally separate thought. This weekend I was talking to a friend of mine who was going through some tough times, and in the conversation I used “well on the bright side…” and she made an interesting point. Whenever something has a “bright side” it usually isn’t all that good. So we talked and decided that phrase needs to be changed. Bright side just isn’t accurate. It’s more of a dimly lit side.
January 19, 2007
January 12, 2007
Nani Babaco Malia
It’s a sad day in Hirpvile, for a friend is leaving. Everyone has seen friends move away, and it’s always the same. You promise to keep in touch. There’s talk about getting together, you’ll visit them, they’ll visit you or you’ll meet up somewhere cool. And you mean it. But often life gets in the way and you don’t meet up. And the emails become less frequent, and phone calls non-existent. It’s just a sad fact of life. No one means for it to happen.
Today one of my best friends moved away. And here’s the catch, he was already living in Washington DC. So how much farther away could he go? Well, how does Kenya sound? Yes, that is far. He came to the US 10 years ago, and we met while working together at Lenscrappers 7 years ago. It didn’t take long before we had our crew. It was four Jews and a Kenyan. There was even an Easter spent at Worlds of Fun by two of the Jews and the Kenyan.
Typically people love to hear a baby laugh, but I never met a person who didn’t love this guys laugh. And sure that sounds some what gay, but so what. From the surface, it probably didn’t make sense that we became such good friends. Talk about different backgrounds. I grew up in the ‘burbs of Long Island, Connecticut and Kansas. Yet we have a lot in common. Similar sick senses of humor, we had a similar appreciation for movies. More than that, we had identical values; loyalty to friends and family, and standing up for principles.
So it’s sad that he’s going. And it wasn’t under the best of circumstances that he’s going home, so the whole situation sucks that much more. I’ve never known anyone whose been through as much and yet never made an excuse or backed down when he had every reason to. If we happen to win the World Series of Pop Culture, I fully intend on making a trip to Kenya. If we don’t, I’m still going to try and get out there some day. I just hope they have a McDonalds.
Today one of my best friends moved away. And here’s the catch, he was already living in Washington DC. So how much farther away could he go? Well, how does Kenya sound? Yes, that is far. He came to the US 10 years ago, and we met while working together at Lenscrappers 7 years ago. It didn’t take long before we had our crew. It was four Jews and a Kenyan. There was even an Easter spent at Worlds of Fun by two of the Jews and the Kenyan.
Typically people love to hear a baby laugh, but I never met a person who didn’t love this guys laugh. And sure that sounds some what gay, but so what. From the surface, it probably didn’t make sense that we became such good friends. Talk about different backgrounds. I grew up in the ‘burbs of Long Island, Connecticut and Kansas. Yet we have a lot in common. Similar sick senses of humor, we had a similar appreciation for movies. More than that, we had identical values; loyalty to friends and family, and standing up for principles.
So it’s sad that he’s going. And it wasn’t under the best of circumstances that he’s going home, so the whole situation sucks that much more. I’ve never known anyone whose been through as much and yet never made an excuse or backed down when he had every reason to. If we happen to win the World Series of Pop Culture, I fully intend on making a trip to Kenya. If we don’t, I’m still going to try and get out there some day. I just hope they have a McDonalds.
January 10, 2007
Hollow of Fame
This week Cal Ripken and Tony Gwynn were rightfully voted in to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Both guys had great careers, each only playing for one team and always class acts. But their election into the Hall has been overshadowed by the exclusion of Mark McGwire, who was kept out because of steroid allegations and one horrible appearance in front of Congress. Now, I may be wrong, but I only thought he should have spent time preparing for plate appearances, not court appearances.
Did he use steroids? It’s quite possible. But as of now, there are only allegations. And I’m pretty sure our country claims that you are innocent until proven otherwise. I know that was meant for the courts, and not the court of public opinion. Baseball writers and fans claim they are just interested in protecting the integrity of the game. I call bullshit. Other players, who have actually failed tests and been suspended for steroid use, aren’t raked over coals like Big Mac, or Barry Bonds or Sammy Sosa. No, they save their lashings for only those that hit home runs. Because baseball has always been tied so closely to its records. 755, 61, 56, .400, 511 all mean something to baseball fans.
And it’s not that I think these guys are innocent. I know that steroid use has been rampant in baseball. But, I don’t believe it started in 1998 when Mac and Sosa went after the single season home run record. And I don’t, not for a second, believe it’s a problem special to baseball. But the writers and fans don’t seem to care about other sports. Barry Bonds hits 73 home runs, and a year later his name is mentioned in the BALCO case. Then everyone comments how obvious it is that he was on something. That he got so huge. Same with McGwire, after Jose Canseco outs him in his book, it’s suddenly obvious because he was so big.
But only in baseball, does being strong mean you’re on steroids. No one seems to mind the difference in how LaDainian Tomilson is built totally different then the running backs from the 80s. Look at how he’s built compared to Marcus Allen. No one bats an eye at how big and strong LeBron James was coming out of high school compared to Michael Jordan when he came out of college. How about the fact that Allen Iverson has so much more muscle than Isiah Thomas? Or how Greg Oden, as a freshman at Ohio State, is already stronger then David Robinson or Patrick Ewing ever got. These young guys got that way from working out. Riiiiight. They couldn’t possibly be on anything, we all know how tough the high schools test for steroids. And that high school kids would never, ever, look for a way to get ahead or put something illegal in their bodies.
And how about the stats? Three times in the last four years, the single season rushing touchdown mark has been broken. When Michael Jordan was scoring 30 a night in the late 80s and early 90s, he was almost always the only guy in the league to average over 30 points a game. Last season three guys accomplished that, and another averaged 29.3. But no one bats an eye.
Only when you hit a small round ball over a fence a certain amount of times, do people begin to worry about the integrity of the game. Now writers want to play the role of morality cop, and tell us that Mark McGwire cheated us. They write that his accomplishments are tainted. But they didn’t mind using it to sell papers then, or now. And they still turn a blind eye to plenty of other cheaters. Yet they still have the nerve to lecture us about right and wrong.
Did he use steroids? It’s quite possible. But as of now, there are only allegations. And I’m pretty sure our country claims that you are innocent until proven otherwise. I know that was meant for the courts, and not the court of public opinion. Baseball writers and fans claim they are just interested in protecting the integrity of the game. I call bullshit. Other players, who have actually failed tests and been suspended for steroid use, aren’t raked over coals like Big Mac, or Barry Bonds or Sammy Sosa. No, they save their lashings for only those that hit home runs. Because baseball has always been tied so closely to its records. 755, 61, 56, .400, 511 all mean something to baseball fans.
And it’s not that I think these guys are innocent. I know that steroid use has been rampant in baseball. But, I don’t believe it started in 1998 when Mac and Sosa went after the single season home run record. And I don’t, not for a second, believe it’s a problem special to baseball. But the writers and fans don’t seem to care about other sports. Barry Bonds hits 73 home runs, and a year later his name is mentioned in the BALCO case. Then everyone comments how obvious it is that he was on something. That he got so huge. Same with McGwire, after Jose Canseco outs him in his book, it’s suddenly obvious because he was so big.
But only in baseball, does being strong mean you’re on steroids. No one seems to mind the difference in how LaDainian Tomilson is built totally different then the running backs from the 80s. Look at how he’s built compared to Marcus Allen. No one bats an eye at how big and strong LeBron James was coming out of high school compared to Michael Jordan when he came out of college. How about the fact that Allen Iverson has so much more muscle than Isiah Thomas? Or how Greg Oden, as a freshman at Ohio State, is already stronger then David Robinson or Patrick Ewing ever got. These young guys got that way from working out. Riiiiight. They couldn’t possibly be on anything, we all know how tough the high schools test for steroids. And that high school kids would never, ever, look for a way to get ahead or put something illegal in their bodies.
And how about the stats? Three times in the last four years, the single season rushing touchdown mark has been broken. When Michael Jordan was scoring 30 a night in the late 80s and early 90s, he was almost always the only guy in the league to average over 30 points a game. Last season three guys accomplished that, and another averaged 29.3. But no one bats an eye.
Only when you hit a small round ball over a fence a certain amount of times, do people begin to worry about the integrity of the game. Now writers want to play the role of morality cop, and tell us that Mark McGwire cheated us. They write that his accomplishments are tainted. But they didn’t mind using it to sell papers then, or now. And they still turn a blind eye to plenty of other cheaters. Yet they still have the nerve to lecture us about right and wrong.
January 08, 2007
The Next Big Star
When it comes to movies, the line between creativity and commercialism has always been blurred. And in recent years the line has been pretty much erased. Or as Joey would say, “the line is a dot to you.” There are the slick scenes in which a product is placed (cleverly called product placement) such as a cell phone and attention brought to the brand name, all the way to movies being used to reveal new cars. The majority of movies are now made successful or flop, based mostly on the marketing before it even hits the theatre. Studios can intentionally make horrible movies, market them as complete jokes and make a fortune as they did with “Snakes on a Plane.”
Well, I have the idea of the future. I have thought of the perfect blend between a commercial and a movie. It would both entertain the hell out of, well at least me, there would be a video game to follow, perhaps a theme park, toys and it could easily be a franchise. All this comes from one of my favorite commercial characters. Who doesn’t love the Gecco from the Geico ads?
I swear that little green fella would kill at the box office. Now, I see him sort of as an Austin Powers type hero, but you could go so many different ways with it. There was a time that the “spoof” was usually a riot. “Airplane,” “Naked Gun,” “Hot Shots,” even the first “Scary Movie” were all hysterical. And they’ve given way to crap like “Epic Movie” and everything else the Wayans Brothers put out. But with the Gecco, you can take your favorite movie, and just insert your new leading man in place of the likes of Mel Gibson or Tom Hanks. It would be just that easy to make “Cast Away” the funniest movie of the year.
Normally watching an hour and a half long commercial would lead me to gouging out my own eyes and lighting myself on fire, but I’d watch that Gecco if he were doing the play-by-play for C-SPAN. Maybe he shouldn’t have his own movie; he could just as well be the next sitcom star. I’m telling you it would work.
>..>
Well, I have the idea of the future. I have thought of the perfect blend between a commercial and a movie. It would both entertain the hell out of, well at least me, there would be a video game to follow, perhaps a theme park, toys and it could easily be a franchise. All this comes from one of my favorite commercial characters. Who doesn’t love the Gecco from the Geico ads?
I swear that little green fella would kill at the box office. Now, I see him sort of as an Austin Powers type hero, but you could go so many different ways with it. There was a time that the “spoof” was usually a riot. “Airplane,” “Naked Gun,” “Hot Shots,” even the first “Scary Movie” were all hysterical. And they’ve given way to crap like “Epic Movie” and everything else the Wayans Brothers put out. But with the Gecco, you can take your favorite movie, and just insert your new leading man in place of the likes of Mel Gibson or Tom Hanks. It would be just that easy to make “Cast Away” the funniest movie of the year.
Normally watching an hour and a half long commercial would lead me to gouging out my own eyes and lighting myself on fire, but I’d watch that Gecco if he were doing the play-by-play for C-SPAN. Maybe he shouldn’t have his own movie; he could just as well be the next sitcom star. I’m telling you it would work.
>..>
Super Size This
“Haven’t you seen Super Size Me?” is quickly becoming my least favorite some what regularly heard question. Two years ago, when it first came out, it was somewhat common to have people ask me that question when they saw how often I ate at McDonalds. I didn’t run out and see it then, and I still haven’t seen it in its entirety. And now it’s making the rounds on television, and luckily for me people are actually watching it.
Now it’s probably only happened like three, maybe four times in the past couple of weeks, but it feels like a daily occurrence that I’ve been asked that very question when I was on my way to lunch. And last night “Super Size Me” was on one of my many movie channels, so I thought I’d try and watch it. I really tried, but I couldn’t get through it. The aroma of bullshit was about as over powering as McDonalds fries.
First, I dare that guy to over eat food from any one restaurant over a 30 day period, and see how he feels. Seriously, over doing anything is going to be un-healthy for you. Secondly, as far as my McDonalds habit well, I don’t super size my meals. In fact I only eat one double cheese burger and a medium fry. He gained like 5 pounds in one week of his diet, I’ve gained 10 pounds in the last 13 years. I’m not claiming that eating McDonalds on an almost daily basis has lead me to becoming a picture of perfect health, but I’ve done more than 30 days of research.
Thirdly, and I’m not sure how many points I’m going to make just yet, most of those people who have asked the question of late need to just shut it. Out of the four I remember, three have SUVs. They’ve also seen “An Inconvenient Truth” and continue to drive around in their gas guzzling pieces of shit. So you mean to tell me, a movie about one idiots eating habits over a 30 day period should change my life, but a movie that shows the effects your automobile has on the entire world isn’t worth a selling your car? Bite me.
Now it’s probably only happened like three, maybe four times in the past couple of weeks, but it feels like a daily occurrence that I’ve been asked that very question when I was on my way to lunch. And last night “Super Size Me” was on one of my many movie channels, so I thought I’d try and watch it. I really tried, but I couldn’t get through it. The aroma of bullshit was about as over powering as McDonalds fries.
First, I dare that guy to over eat food from any one restaurant over a 30 day period, and see how he feels. Seriously, over doing anything is going to be un-healthy for you. Secondly, as far as my McDonalds habit well, I don’t super size my meals. In fact I only eat one double cheese burger and a medium fry. He gained like 5 pounds in one week of his diet, I’ve gained 10 pounds in the last 13 years. I’m not claiming that eating McDonalds on an almost daily basis has lead me to becoming a picture of perfect health, but I’ve done more than 30 days of research.
Thirdly, and I’m not sure how many points I’m going to make just yet, most of those people who have asked the question of late need to just shut it. Out of the four I remember, three have SUVs. They’ve also seen “An Inconvenient Truth” and continue to drive around in their gas guzzling pieces of shit. So you mean to tell me, a movie about one idiots eating habits over a 30 day period should change my life, but a movie that shows the effects your automobile has on the entire world isn’t worth a selling your car? Bite me.
January 03, 2007
New Years Eve
I’ve never really been a huge fan of New Years Even, in fact I’ve never really been a big fan of any holiday that just gives people an excuse to go get shit faced. Really, if you want to go get drunk with some friends then just do it. I don’t think you should have to wait for the calendar to tell you when. Plus the whole fact that bars just get ridiculously crowded, just kind of takes away the fun. Normally I spend New Years Eve just hanging out at a friends house. This year was a bit different as I went out with a pretty large group. We did it right too. To avoid the whole threat of either getting a DUI or ending up dead we decided to get a limo for the night. With 14 people, it’s actually cheaper then getting 14 cabs. And hey, you can start drinking right away and that’s a plus.
So we hit some bars downtown, starting with the Cashew. I had never been there before, and it was pretty much perfect. Good size crowd, but not so crowded that you couldn’t move or get near the bar. And yep, plenty of eye candy which is a necessity. From there we went to the Cigar Box, and my buddy tried to get me to smoke a cigar. But really, I’ve made it 30 years without smoking anything, why would I want to start now?
But this was the highlight of the night. See, some of these friends of mine happen to be pranksters. The women like to wear horrible wigs and go out and just mess with people on occasion. And this night, we were situated near the front door, when they realized there was no one checking ID’s of customers coming in. So of course they decided they would provide this service. And it didn’t matter who was coming in, could be a guy with a cane and more wrinkles than Bea Arthur, they were checking that ID. So I made the suggestion of charging a cover, totally kidding of course. Well, we made $20 before deciding that probably wasn’t a good idea. Mainly because I figured it put my good health on the line. No one was gonna get too upset with two cute drunk blondes, but one short bald guy making money off random drunks could easily find himself in trouble. Still, I’m kinda kicking myself because I know we could have paid for the whole night if we kept it up.
So that was my New Years Eve. No resolutions that I won’t keep or stories that involve me streaking down 48th. The one thing that baffles me is how the hell is it already 2007? Are the years going by faster simply because I’m older, or is this also the work of global warming? Someone needs to fund a research team to look into this. Otherwise, why are we paying taxes?
So we hit some bars downtown, starting with the Cashew. I had never been there before, and it was pretty much perfect. Good size crowd, but not so crowded that you couldn’t move or get near the bar. And yep, plenty of eye candy which is a necessity. From there we went to the Cigar Box, and my buddy tried to get me to smoke a cigar. But really, I’ve made it 30 years without smoking anything, why would I want to start now?
But this was the highlight of the night. See, some of these friends of mine happen to be pranksters. The women like to wear horrible wigs and go out and just mess with people on occasion. And this night, we were situated near the front door, when they realized there was no one checking ID’s of customers coming in. So of course they decided they would provide this service. And it didn’t matter who was coming in, could be a guy with a cane and more wrinkles than Bea Arthur, they were checking that ID. So I made the suggestion of charging a cover, totally kidding of course. Well, we made $20 before deciding that probably wasn’t a good idea. Mainly because I figured it put my good health on the line. No one was gonna get too upset with two cute drunk blondes, but one short bald guy making money off random drunks could easily find himself in trouble. Still, I’m kinda kicking myself because I know we could have paid for the whole night if we kept it up.
So that was my New Years Eve. No resolutions that I won’t keep or stories that involve me streaking down 48th. The one thing that baffles me is how the hell is it already 2007? Are the years going by faster simply because I’m older, or is this also the work of global warming? Someone needs to fund a research team to look into this. Otherwise, why are we paying taxes?
January 02, 2007
Motive
A friend of mine has an interesting little anecdote posted on her Myspace page. The Cliffs notes version of it goes something like this: someone walking on the beach is tossing Starfish back into the ocean when their friend comments about how they’ll never make a difference in the grand scheme of things, to which the good citizen replies “made a difference to that one.”
Really, it’s a nice sentiment and it’s true. You don’t have to change the world to make a difference. Then last week I was watching something on CNN, I think the special was called “What’s a Christian” or something to that affect. And I made a connection between the Starfish tosser and the Christians. Not really a direct connection, but part of the CNN story talked about the movement among Christian Fundamentalists to help Israel. As usual, I was probably reaching a bit when this occurred to me, but you’ll read it anyway.
My thinking was this: if you toss the Starfish and it lands near a big bad shark that eats it up, was it still a good deed? Much like I thought about the Fundamentalists motive behind helping Israel, as they feel in order for Jesus to return that Israel must remain a Jewish state. Personally, I see those motives as purely self-serving. So between the Starfish and the Christian Right, I began to wonder, how much does motive matter?
If you’re trying to do something for the simple reason that it betters someone elses situation, be it a Starfish or random person, and your deed results in hurting them, well does that lessen the deed? And if you’re doing something solely because it benefits your own cause, and it just so happens to help someone else obtain what they want, is that an act of kindness or a selfish act?
My stance is this, motive matters. It isn’t everything, but it carries more weight than the actual outcome. If someone loans me money for something specific and I go and lose it at the casino, well that’s on me, and me only. They did what they could to help, and couldn’t control anything after that. Now if someone helps me to find a new job, and leads me to believe they are doing it as a favor, when in reality they are doing it so they can fill my current position with a friend. Well that’s just some shady shit. Sure, I might be better off with the new position, and it might be what I want. But what I want just as much is for people to be up front with me.
Not for one second do I view the actions of Pat Robertson and his cronies as friendly. Nor do I find it respectable. If they flat out said, “we’re doing this for the simple fact that it benefits us according to our beliefs,” well I could respect that. Then have the opportunity to decide whether to accept, or decline their “helping” hand.
Motive is what separates the guy who preys on vulnerable women and the good guys who might just end up dating one. Motive is the difference between Snakes on a Plane and Oceans 12.
Really, it’s a nice sentiment and it’s true. You don’t have to change the world to make a difference. Then last week I was watching something on CNN, I think the special was called “What’s a Christian” or something to that affect. And I made a connection between the Starfish tosser and the Christians. Not really a direct connection, but part of the CNN story talked about the movement among Christian Fundamentalists to help Israel. As usual, I was probably reaching a bit when this occurred to me, but you’ll read it anyway.
My thinking was this: if you toss the Starfish and it lands near a big bad shark that eats it up, was it still a good deed? Much like I thought about the Fundamentalists motive behind helping Israel, as they feel in order for Jesus to return that Israel must remain a Jewish state. Personally, I see those motives as purely self-serving. So between the Starfish and the Christian Right, I began to wonder, how much does motive matter?
If you’re trying to do something for the simple reason that it betters someone elses situation, be it a Starfish or random person, and your deed results in hurting them, well does that lessen the deed? And if you’re doing something solely because it benefits your own cause, and it just so happens to help someone else obtain what they want, is that an act of kindness or a selfish act?
My stance is this, motive matters. It isn’t everything, but it carries more weight than the actual outcome. If someone loans me money for something specific and I go and lose it at the casino, well that’s on me, and me only. They did what they could to help, and couldn’t control anything after that. Now if someone helps me to find a new job, and leads me to believe they are doing it as a favor, when in reality they are doing it so they can fill my current position with a friend. Well that’s just some shady shit. Sure, I might be better off with the new position, and it might be what I want. But what I want just as much is for people to be up front with me.
Not for one second do I view the actions of Pat Robertson and his cronies as friendly. Nor do I find it respectable. If they flat out said, “we’re doing this for the simple fact that it benefits us according to our beliefs,” well I could respect that. Then have the opportunity to decide whether to accept, or decline their “helping” hand.
Motive is what separates the guy who preys on vulnerable women and the good guys who might just end up dating one. Motive is the difference between Snakes on a Plane and Oceans 12.
Best of..
It's here, the official Top 10 list for 2006. Well, sorta. There are a few movies I still need to see, and that could re-shape the list a bit.
I should have another post or two later in the day, I'm still dragging a bit from New Years Eve. Without further adu:
Top 10 Movies of 2006
10. Clerks II
9. Friends With Money
8. Casino Royale
7. Stranger Than Fiction
6. Little Miss Sunshine
5. Borat
4. Thank You For Smoking
3. World Trade Center
2. United 93
1. The Departed
Movies I didn’t see that I think may end up on the list:
The Last King of Scotland, Babel, Children of Men, The Prestige, Pirates of the Caribbean, Blood Diamond, Bobby, and The Pursuit of Happyness
All in all, I’d say it was a decent year in movies. Best year since 2000, when Gladiator, Traffic, Erin Brokovich, Requiem for a Dream, You Can Count On Me, The Contender, Almost Famous, Meet the Parents, Wonder Boys, and Cast Away filled up my top 10 list (not in this order)
I should have another post or two later in the day, I'm still dragging a bit from New Years Eve. Without further adu:
Top 10 Movies of 2006
10. Clerks II
9. Friends With Money
8. Casino Royale
7. Stranger Than Fiction
6. Little Miss Sunshine
5. Borat
4. Thank You For Smoking
3. World Trade Center
2. United 93
1. The Departed
Movies I didn’t see that I think may end up on the list:
The Last King of Scotland, Babel, Children of Men, The Prestige, Pirates of the Caribbean, Blood Diamond, Bobby, and The Pursuit of Happyness
All in all, I’d say it was a decent year in movies. Best year since 2000, when Gladiator, Traffic, Erin Brokovich, Requiem for a Dream, You Can Count On Me, The Contender, Almost Famous, Meet the Parents, Wonder Boys, and Cast Away filled up my top 10 list (not in this order)
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