Soda Jerk

Right off the bat, let’s get one thing straight. It is soda, it isn’t pop. Pop describes a sound, or an action. It can also be another name for “dad.” It is not a carbonated beverage. Don’t tell me this is just a regional name for it, I don’t buy into that. It is just flat out incorrect. If any of the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election includes this into their message they’ll get my vote. Even if it that candidate were Jeb Bush. Okay, that might not be true. I happen to believe that if we can all come to agree on this issue, we can accomplish anything. It separates the country as much as political affiliation.

I know it’s a losing argument on par with abortion, the war, gun control, and what comes first the chicken or the egg. But these are the type of issues I tackle. Today though, I’m not here to set the world straight. No, today I’m here to talk about something that totally baffles me. I just can’t understand why the taste of soda is so determinate on the medium is served, this baffles almost as much as women.

You can have one drink and it will taste totally different from a 2 liter plastic bottle, a can, a soda fountain (notice it’s not called a pop fountain) or a 1 liter bottle from a vending machine. And there is always a clear cut best. Take Coke for example. Recent studies show that 9/10 people prefer it from a fountain, and the majority feel McDonalds has the right mix. Okay, probably making up these numbers, but you know you don’t doubt them for a second. Now Coke from the 2 liter is also pretty solid, but it’s a completely different flavor from a can. And no drink tastes good in the bottle from the vending machine.

• Mountain Dew is best from the can, sickening from a 2 liter and battery acid from a fountain.
• Sprite excels from the 2 liter, solid from the fountain, and drinkable from a can. Really, it’s the most consistent soda.
• Diet drinks, well I can’t stand them. They taste nothing like their calorie-enhanced counterparts no matter what the companies claim. Those that drink diet seem to have some fanatical attachment to it. This isn’t healthy, even if the nutritional value says otherwise.

I just don’t understand why this happens. I watch the Discovery Channel on occasion, how come they haven’t looked into this? What about Myth Busters, can’t they figure out a way to make all soda taste the same? This is a week after Martin Luther King Day, and I don’t mean to belittle his dream, but I have a dream of my own. I have a dream, that one day all soda will be created equally.

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Now, a totally separate thought. This weekend I was talking to a friend of mine who was going through some tough times, and in the conversation I used “well on the bright side…” and she made an interesting point. Whenever something has a “bright side” it usually isn’t all that good. So we talked and decided that phrase needs to be changed. Bright side just isn’t accurate. It’s more of a dimly lit side.