Dumb Arses

Crime is bad. It’s bad for the economy, it’s bad for the kids, and it’s bad for a criminal. It’s just bad. But I can understand why some crimes are committed. What I don’t understand is stupid people who choose a life of crime. A buddy of mine just had his car stolen, in what started off as a pretty scary situation but has grown into another tale of Idiots in Crime. Here’s the scoop. His girlfriend borrowed his new SUV and took it to work. As she walked into her place of business, she was thrown to the floor and held at gunpoint as they waited for the time locks to expire so they could empty the safe.

As it turns out, that these morons had inside help. They had the combination to the alarm and a key to the store. But their help didn’t know about the time lock. So even though they had the safe combo, it was useless till a certain time. Instead of ducking out of there before anyone came in, they waited an hour so they could force the manager, my friends’ girlfriend, to open the safe. Next they took the SUV she came in for their getaway. So obviously, these idiots didn’t have a ride. I want to see video of how they planned this heist. I’m thinking it wasn’t as well thought out as the planning scene in Oceans 11.

“Now we have the codes for the alarm and safe, we have a gun, and we know exactly what time someone will be showing up,” says idiot #1.

“Hey, think we need a car? You know, incase we don’t feel like walking away from the scene,” responds idiot #2.

Best of all, some how they decided against bringing their own car. So now they take this SUV, and the $1300 they scored from the safe and leave. In comes their co-conspirator later in the day, reporting for work as if all is normal. The police break her in a matter of minutes. And they found the car, a few blocks away from her boyfriends’ house. So I imagine these clowns will have some time to reflect on their stupidity. Perhaps write a book, “Sure Fire Ways to Get Caught.” Some one will buy it, and they could easily make more money off book sales than they could off this heist. Three people worked on this scheme, just to split $1300?! Seriously they should learn some basic poker theory, if you’re going to do the crime you have to have good pot odds. And always leave yourself outs.