From the Hirp

So here’s a little story that gives me more reason to want to banish teenagers to Idaho until they have fully evolved. It comes from an anonymous source, but it’s entirely true. That’s right, I’ve gotten so big that I now have anonymous sources.

Anyway, girl goes to see the doctor for some adominal pain. They do a pregnancy test, and yep, she’s preggers. Oh yeah, and she’s 19. She’s all excited, informs the staff that she just moved in with her boyfriend. The staff notices her insurance is provided by the military, so they ask if her boyfriend is still in the military. No, he never was. That insurance comes from her husband. That’s right, husband. Not ex-husband, this kid is married. She’s married and has a boyfriend she’s moving in with, I can’t emphasize this enough.

Someone slap this girl. So she says the military has asked wives to not tell their husbands things like this, because they already have such a high suicide rate. And she says, “he’ll just have to deal with it when he gets home.”

I wonder if they’ll tell this part of the story on the news after her body is found. I’m not justifying it, or condoning it, but this is the stuff that snapping seem like the only logical or expected response.

To recap, here are the facts:
• She’s 19 and married, probably not a good idea
• Husband is away, so she’s going to play. Definitely bad news.
• Husband is trained to kill, not the kind of guy you want to cross
• There’s another guy here, who has so little respect for others, that he has no problem getting into a situation that is going to leave four lives ruined. Don’t discount the fact he might end up catching a dirt nap too.
• And to top it all off, there’s a baby on the way. That’s just fantastic. This only gets worse if the baby daddy is the soldiers’ brother or best friend.

All this adds up to support my belief that there should be someone (preferably me) who has to give couples permission to reproduce. I would have stopped her parents, and his, from getting together. Not only should these idiots not have kids of their own, they shouldn’t be taking up space in line at QuikTrip. Or maybe that’s a little harsh.