Frozen Hirp

We’ve all heard those commercials before, and I know you thought about calling. But I did it, and this isn’t those networking commercials you see at 1am, with the scantily clad skank that just wants to talk to cool people. No, this was the bullshit pitch about getting a free stay in Vegas. I had to do it, I went out to my car this morning and I couldn’t have been colder if you dipped me in dry ice, and then I hear about a trip to Vegas. I would have done a triple lindy into a pool of lava, but that wasn’t an option.

And it can’t be all bad, Alan Thicke answered the phone. If it’s good enough for Mr. Seaver, it’s good enough for this boner. Now I’m wondering, if we ranked celebs that need money the worst by what crap they sell, where would hawking time shares rank? Did Alan Thicke audition for a Viagra add, and fail to rise to the challenge? Is he to out of shape to do a commercial with Chuck Norris, but too fit to do something for Slim Fast? Is he not famous enough to sell condoms in Japan? And shouldn’t he be like a god in Canada? There’s Michael J Fox, Michael Myers, and Alan Thicke, I though that they were the Canadian holy trinity. Or is Alex Trebek the 3rd? Guess not, eh. Last thing about Alan Thicke, does it say more about his parenting skills, our society or the talents of his son, that his son has become a significant R&B singer. How does a rich white kid from a famous Canadian dad get more props in the R&B world than Boyz II Men?

Anyway, I really doubt we’ll be going to Vegas. They still want us to pay for the airfare, and I really wanted a free ride. For a non-practicing Jew, I’m not a total disappointment to my faith. I find good deals like Robert De Niro finds bad screen plays. I’ve caught some flack in the past for bitching about the weather, and I might again, but screw it. It’s just too damn cold. When you’re half considering using the lighter in the car to start a small fire in the passenger seat, you’ve crossed some line of frozen tundra. I’ve been at work for a half-hour, and I still haven’t removed my hat.

37 days, that’s all I have to get through. Then we’re sitting on a beach, drinking a few cocktails and making jokes about all the potentially great McDonald’s employees are in the vicinity. Really, does crossing the border and getting a job here have the same feeling as a minor league baseball player getting called up to the majors? These are things I think about. I should so be getting paid big bucks for this blog. Or be the focus of some study group.