Failhirp

I know this probably isn’t the most logical of reasoning, but this morning I feel like a failure. As we had dinner last night with my parents, they told us that my niece and her foster parents (who want to adopt her) are headed for Phoenix in the near future. This sucks because she’s moving away, and sucks even more because she won’t have anything to do with my family. Sometimes I don’t know if I can blame her, if I was in her shoes, I’d feel pretty abandoned too.

So where is this illogical reasoning? Here it is: I feel like a failure. I didn’t keep my family together, and that was the job I assigned myself as a kid. No matter what, try to keep the family together. You’d think we were trying to survive Auschwitz. And really, I have to say it again, it’s not as if we had some horrible up bringing. A lot of kids have been worse off, and a lot of kids will be worse off. I had both parents, they loved us, and we had all kinds of advantages.

But last night I said goodbye to my parents. My brother moved his family to Alabama a few years ago. My sister lives in the area, but we couldn’t be further apart. My nieces and nephews, already broken up, are getting further apart. And that all sucks even more because now I have my own family, and I’d love for the Kyd to know all her cousins. The girl that’s just two years older, who she could have lots in common with. She misses out on her 10 year old boy cousin, who could watch out for her. She doesn’t get to know her 16 year old cousin, who was adored by his younger sister, and would spoil her given the chance. And the beautiful, smart and ornery 17 year old cousin, who could give her make up tips (much to my disapproval) who the Kyd reminds me of quite often with her sass and wisdom beyond her years. The Kyd doesn’t have her aunt, my sister, who for years wanted me to have kids, and could have been that cool aunt, who I would have to beg not to give the Kyd beer when she’s 17 or get her smoking when she’s 14.

Then there are my brother’s girls. The oldest has the same name as the Kyd, and could teach the Kyd the Soulja Boy dance, just as she taught her youngest sister. Who is also just a little older than the Kyd, and the two of them hit it off so well the one time they met last Thanksgiving. My brother, sister-in-law and the Kyd had such a good time in Mexico, going into the ocean or going for ice cream.

Such is life. I have my own family to keep together now. Wow, that’s depressing shit.

* Sarah Palin is in the news for running up some nice bills, for flying her daughters all over for various bullshit events. Maybe she should have just kept the jet, rather than selling it at a loss.