There was really zero chance that I wouldn’t rant about Slutty Cyrus after her latest stunt. Rush Limbaugh would give President Obama a pass for calling someone a “cracker” before I could keep my mouth and/or blog silent on this. First, let me say that, I’m really not THAT old fashioned, and I’m really not all that conservative. What I have is lines, not those kinds of lines. These lines aren’t always easy to define, but I always know when the line has been crossed. Maybe that’s not fair, but the Kyd will have a damn good idea of where that line is. She’ll probably ask, just so she can pole vault over it. And that’s fine, as long as a pole vault is the only pole involved.
So Ms. Cyrus performed at the Teen Choice Awards this past weekend, one of 83 award shows I could literally give a shit about. Until now that is. Miley performed her new song, and during her “routine” she did a few moves with the assistance of a pole. This girl is 16 friggin’ years old, and she’s dancing on a pole. As the Sports Guy says, “Rule No. 1 of having a daughter: Keep her off the pole.”
He’s absolutely right, and Billy Ray, you failed your daughter before she could even vote, hell, you probably before she learned to read. I’m sure there’s plenty of 16 year old girls who think that’s “sexy.” These girls have been watching Britney Spears (who Cyrus called her “my hero” since they were six years old, and plenty of rap videos that feature pole dancers, and they see how 16 year old boys react. So naturally, they feel it’ll impress the boys. Here’s a lesson for the Kyd, if there’s something you can do to impress a 16 year old boy, there’s definitely a line there. Impressing 16 year old boys is as intelligent as pointing a red laser at a cop or trying to ignite your farts.
So I don’t think she’s unique for wanting to pull off being a slut, girls have been doing it since the first cavewoman went cave hopping. But the fact that both her father (first and foremost) and the producers of a show geared only to teens, and now child pornographers, someone page Chris Hansen (he seems like a guy that still wears a pager) would allow such antics.
Wait, there’s more! If you order in the next 20 minutes you can also hear my thoughts on how these “ladies” dressed. I didn’t watch it last night, but there couldn’t be a better time for Kimberly-Clark to target teenage boys with some Kleenex ads. I can’t imagine any parents who would be okay with their daughters dressing like this. Not at any age. Pretty sure my father-in-law wouldn’t look at my better half with pride in his eyes, if she dressed like that. I would, but I’m talking about parents here.
There’s a great joke by Dave Chappelle that goes like this:
"The girl says, 'Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!' Which is true. Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't ever forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is SHIT IS CONFUSING! It just is.
Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me, saying, 'Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!' 'OH-H0H!!! Just because I'm DRESSED this way does not make me a police officer!'
All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform."
I’ve read that last year, Miley Cyrus earned $25 million, and if the average manager of a singer gets 15-20%, so her manager earned somewhere between $3.75 and $6.25 million. Just so happens that Billy Ray is his daughter’s manager. Tell me again how this isn’t pimping his daughter? Before I heard anything about her pole position, there was something online about a joke by Dane Cook. And for the record, that guy just isn’t funny. But he poked fun at another Disney cash cow, Vanessa Hudgens, for taking some nekkid pictures that leaked out. The joke, still, wasn’t funny, nor really appropriate for the setting. And that’s how you know exactly how big of a cluster fuck this whole thing is. When Dane Cook is making a good point, you’ve reached new levels of wrong.
Would it be asking too much for Senate to ignore steroids in baseball, and spend some time on how Disney is exploiting children at a Catholic Church like rate?
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