Miami: CSHIT

I just haven’t had anything to say lately. I’ve been completely void of any opinions or observations and no one is more upset about this fact then myself. When it came time to start writing a new entry, I just about shot a blank. We’re talking serious performance anxiety here. I’m not sure if it’s the little side-blog-venture I have with a few other guys that’s causing a horrible case of writers block, or if I have simply run out of non-sense to talk about.

Want to know just how bad it is? I was channel surfing last night and came across CSI: Miami. An awful show that I’ve watched parts of maybe five times. And it was the only thing I could think of today when I wanted to write my post. Not even the show really, just the great David Caruso. That’s right, I said great. There can be no other explanation for anyone who is that bad at what they do. Really, this is what it has come to. A post about how bad Caruso is. So, buckle up cause here we go.

This guy, this friggin guy, has the same delivery no matter what he’s saying. He can be reading the phone book or alerting the next of kin. Maybe he’s ordering lunch or confessing his love for Sipowicz, it doesn’t matter. He’s consistent, I’ll give him that. No matter what, he’s going to remove his sunglasses, avoid eye contact at all costs and look off camera at what I can only imagine is the craft services table.

Now let me talk about his resume. This guy left NYPD Blue after two seasons so he could tackle movies. Quick math, NYPD went on to do 13 seasons and Caruso went on to do these gems: Jade, Kiss of Death and Body Count. To borrow a line from Get Shorty, “I’ve seen better film on teeth.” The year 2004 rolls around and he jumps on board to do another cop show, while NYPD is still on the air mind you. In the time he was gone Sipozicz had roughly 436 different partners. Including Zach Morris from Saved By The Bell and little Ricky Schroder. Read that sentence over again. It’s more believable to see Zach Morris play a cop then it would be to watch David Caruso play a struggling actor.

Michael Jordan walking away from the NBA to try baseball wasn’t nearly big of a career mis-step as Caruso leaving NYPD. The only bigger career gaffe I can see, is whoever actually green lighted Caruso’s’ involvement in CSI. The only thing I can see that could trump that would be Michael Jackson opening a line of day care centers and hiring John Mark Carr as his right hand man.