Pretty IrrHIRPesponsible

I’m a fairly responsible kinda guy. I’ll be honest; sometimes I may not pay a bill on time. I tend to keep movies too long from Blockbuster, thankfully they stopped with the late fee’s. So it’s not as if I think of myself as a Saint of any kind but, I get to work on time and I never call in sick. And I’m pretty dependable as a friend, brother and uncle. When I go out with friends, I’m almost always the designated driver and always by choice.

This weekend however, I came real close to fouling (that’s some TBS editing there) up bad. I attended the wedding of a friend of mine, and I was having a surprisingly good time. That isn’t a slam on anyone it’s just I know myself, and being a formal setting where I know 5% of those in attendance isn’t really in my comfort zone. So, I had a couple or three beers and then started drinking some water because I wasn’t sure what was going on after and I had a bit of a drive home.

Then a buddy asks me to take him to his house which is like 5-7 minutes away to pick up something for the bride and groom, he’s in no shape to drive and I feel fine so I agree. We hit the road, not before I some how ended up getting the garter for which I promise I won’t be the next getting married. Anyway, we’re heading back to the reception and he’s directing me a different way from how I went earlier. It’s Lake Quivira and I don’t know the area at all, so I’m taking my buddies advice. Then we hit this weird turn, we come down Pflumn I think it was, and we want to turn left. There’s an island, with a lane on the left of it that leads to the road we’re turning on to. I didn’t realize, till it was too late, that there was a sign saying “do not enter” because some genius thought it was smart to put a sign on the left side of the road. Anyway, I’m already going when I see it and I don’t see any cars around, so I continue on.

Yadda yadda yadda, there’s a police car behind me as I enter the country club, and his lights are on. Fantastic! Now, I seriously do not feel drunk at all. But, as I said I had a couple or three. And I don’t weigh all that much, so I have no idea what my blood alcohol level is. Needless to say I was about to find out. Mr. Officer-Man asks me if I had any drinks and I said yes. So, now he has me out of the car doing a field sobriety test. This is phenomenal! Follow his finger, check. Walk nine steps, toe to heel and nine steps back. Then I get to stand on my left foot, while holding my right foot up about six inches off the ground while counting until told to stop. I counted to thirty; I dare you to try this while sober. Oh, did I mention we’re on a slight hill? This isn’t helping matters any.

He asks me to go stand in front of his cruiser, I’m nearly soiling myself now. Then he explains my rights as far as blowing into the breathalyzer go. Basically it’s like this, say no and go directly to jail. Say yes, maybe go to jail. I went with yes. My blood alcohol level ends up being (drum roll) .06. Did ya know .08 is legally drunk? Now I have never, not even once, driven if I even thought I might be buzzed. I’m the guy who won’t drink even a single beer if I’m driving. This is literally the first time I’ve ever had a few and gotten behind the wheel. I know guys who drive drunk more often then they drive sober, and they have never been pulled over.

The irony of it all is last weekend; a member of the wedding party was arrested for a DUI while the boys were gone for the bachelor party, and who do you think got the 2:30am call to come to the rescue?