I got a bad feeling about this. Last night I was watching some CNN as they talked to scholars and other experts regarding the claims I mentioned in yesterdays post. I see some serious backlash to this. I think we’re going to hear how this was a conspiracy by the “Jewish run media” to try and disprove Christianity. Seriously, this is going to get ugly. Call me a prophet, because I see the future; this isn’t going to go well. Of course, I know this because it was discussed in our monthly publication that details exactly how we control the media and Hollywood. It’s the year 2007, you’d think my people would have a website rather than an actual newsletter. (I’m kidding, there’s no newsletter) But in all seriousness, I think this is going to get pretty ugly with lots of bigotry and ignorance.
So I guess this week is when I get into all sorts of controversial issues, it’s really not a plan to piss off my 9 readers. But it might happen anyway. Sunday night I was channel surfing and came across Fox News (still not sure how they can use that name, shouldn’t it be Fox Propaganda) as they were rallying against Hollywood. Being Oscar night, they decided to guess at how Hollywood would cast the White House and all the big parts. It was, oh so clever.
So, I thought I’d flip it. I’ll flip it for real, ya know. How would movies look if the White House wrote the screen plays and cast the stars. So let’s see what I come up with:
• The Passion of the Christ II: Christ Strikes Back, Mel Gibson single handedly takes on those that crucified Jesus.
• The Departed II, all illegal aliens face the same fate as Leo, Matt and Jack.
• A Really Convenient Truth, where weapons of mass destruction are found and the world now loves President Bush, who is played chillingly by Ben Stein.
• Bush: Cultural Learnings of America Make Benefit For American Controlled World
• Rambo 9, Sly Stallone takes on North Korea
• Dream Girls, a group of women who sing yet still also their place in the home. Starring Greta Van Susteren, Ann Coulter and former American Idol Carrie Underwood
• Arabs on a Plane. Bruce Willis faces a plane full of venomous Arabs, and of course kills them all.
And lastly, last night I caught a speech by Minister Louis Farrakhan on C-Span. He spoke about uniting Jews, Muslims and Christians. He also spoke about how he loves this country, that rappers are the new leaders and they need a better message and that the Democrats should impeach Bush and his entire cabinet and let Speaker of the House Pelosi take over the Presidency or at the very least censure the President. And this all proved me right, because if there were signs, the end of the world would be days away.
February 27, 2007
February 26, 2007
Might Cause Some Trouble
Today the big story actually has nothing to do with Britney Spears or Anna-Nicole Smith. That very fact itself is newsworthy. The story is that there’s a James Cameron documentary hitting the Discovery Channel on March 4th, in which they examine if archeologists found two stone ossuaries that some say may have contained the remains of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. (Off topic real quick, if Jesus were around today, and dating, would his relationship get one of those cool TomKat or Bradjolina type names? Maybe JesuSpears? Although I’m sure he’d have better taste, but if anyone needs saving….)
Anyway, I really don’t have much on this. Except that I was reading a story about it, in which biblical scholar, Stephen Phann from the University of the Holy Land in Jerusalem (wonder what their mascot is?) said, “How possible is it? On a scale of one through 10 -- 10 being completely possible -- it's probably a one, maybe a one and a half."
Now, I wonder if you use the same scale, what are the odds that there’s actually a God and that he had a son? DNA is used in courtrooms across the globe to prove, or disprove someones guilt or innocence. Shouldn’t the fact that Jesus probably doesn’t have any DNA from his pops, change how much credibility we give DNA testing?
For the record, this isn’t cause I’m some anti-Christian Jew who doesn’t believe that Jesus is the son of God. The truth is I’m an agnostic-Jew who really doubts any of that stuff is true, but I do see the value in the idea of God. And hey, some of my best friends are Christians. But I also have an idea that the Mets will win the World Series this year, it’s an idea that I hold and enjoy. I don’t necessarily think the whole world should agree with me, or they are wrong if they disagree. I just hope they are proven wrong. Just listen to what Chris Rock said in Dogma.
“It bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it. I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.”
Anyway, I really don’t have much on this. Except that I was reading a story about it, in which biblical scholar, Stephen Phann from the University of the Holy Land in Jerusalem (wonder what their mascot is?) said, “How possible is it? On a scale of one through 10 -- 10 being completely possible -- it's probably a one, maybe a one and a half."
Now, I wonder if you use the same scale, what are the odds that there’s actually a God and that he had a son? DNA is used in courtrooms across the globe to prove, or disprove someones guilt or innocence. Shouldn’t the fact that Jesus probably doesn’t have any DNA from his pops, change how much credibility we give DNA testing?
For the record, this isn’t cause I’m some anti-Christian Jew who doesn’t believe that Jesus is the son of God. The truth is I’m an agnostic-Jew who really doubts any of that stuff is true, but I do see the value in the idea of God. And hey, some of my best friends are Christians. But I also have an idea that the Mets will win the World Series this year, it’s an idea that I hold and enjoy. I don’t necessarily think the whole world should agree with me, or they are wrong if they disagree. I just hope they are proven wrong. Just listen to what Chris Rock said in Dogma.
“It bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it. I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.”
February 22, 2007
Slow Hirp Day
Slight spoiler alert.
I was doing a little catch up and watching my Monday Night shows last night. Those shows being: “Studio 60,” “Two and a Half Men,” “How I Met Your Mother,” and this new “Rules of Engagement.” That, along with “What about Brian,” is my Monday rotation. Anyway, there aren’t any really great sitcoms on television today. There’s no “Seinfeld” or “Friends.” But there are a few solid to very good shows, the best being “2 and ½” and the much underrated “How I Met.”
“Rules” is this new David Spade show, also starring the guy that played Puddy from “Seinfeld” fame. It’s watch-able, but far from spectacular. Anyway, this past weeks episode centered around one couple, that is recently engaged, and how they were fighting on what to do with items acquired while with previous boyfriends/girlfriends. There was a bed, a chair, a cleverly used spatchula, and other useless items. Not a bad premise at all, but strangely it was nearly identical to the premise from this weeks “How I Met Your Mother.”
So, how do two shows that air on the same night and same network, have the same idea? Shouldn’t there be someone that kind of looks out for this sort of thing? Like when Armageddon was coming out around the same time as Deep Impact, that was overkill. But that came from two different studios at least. It’s just as lame as the fact that this season NBC put out two shows, “Studio 60” and “30 Rock” that are both based on being behind the scenes at a SNL type show.
I know it’s popular in Hollywood to recycle ideas, but shouldn’t someone else be done using it before it’s actually recycled? Or does this all just mean I take my entertainment a little too seriously?
I was doing a little catch up and watching my Monday Night shows last night. Those shows being: “Studio 60,” “Two and a Half Men,” “How I Met Your Mother,” and this new “Rules of Engagement.” That, along with “What about Brian,” is my Monday rotation. Anyway, there aren’t any really great sitcoms on television today. There’s no “Seinfeld” or “Friends.” But there are a few solid to very good shows, the best being “2 and ½” and the much underrated “How I Met.”
“Rules” is this new David Spade show, also starring the guy that played Puddy from “Seinfeld” fame. It’s watch-able, but far from spectacular. Anyway, this past weeks episode centered around one couple, that is recently engaged, and how they were fighting on what to do with items acquired while with previous boyfriends/girlfriends. There was a bed, a chair, a cleverly used spatchula, and other useless items. Not a bad premise at all, but strangely it was nearly identical to the premise from this weeks “How I Met Your Mother.”
So, how do two shows that air on the same night and same network, have the same idea? Shouldn’t there be someone that kind of looks out for this sort of thing? Like when Armageddon was coming out around the same time as Deep Impact, that was overkill. But that came from two different studios at least. It’s just as lame as the fact that this season NBC put out two shows, “Studio 60” and “30 Rock” that are both based on being behind the scenes at a SNL type show.
I know it’s popular in Hollywood to recycle ideas, but shouldn’t someone else be done using it before it’s actually recycled? Or does this all just mean I take my entertainment a little too seriously?
February 19, 2007
Brit
If Anna-Nicole Smith’s life was a train wreck, what does that make Britney Spears’? In the last week she checked herself into rehab, checked out less than 24 hours later, shaved her head and got two tattoos. And to top it all off, she went to the Valley. It was wacky and strange when she was getting marrying white trash and chomping gum, but now it’s crossed over to truly disturbing and borderline scary.
I flipped on the television this morning as I was getting ready for work; I wanted to know what the story was with all the sirens that woke me up that were followed by multiple helicopters flying near my apartment. And all I could find was everyone was talking about her shaving her head. They were interviewing psychologists and hair stylists for their take on what’s going on with Britney. But it took a caller on a radio station to actually make sense. It’s postpartum. Someone call Tom Cruise.
It’s actually not even that funny anymore. After seeing Anna-Nicole die, I actually wondered who would go next; Britney, Lindsay or Paris. I really don’t know what is about these girls. They’re all kind of trying to replace Michael Jackson. They’ve had too much, too soon, never had a childhood and haven’t a clue of how to act or even survive. And there’s no one who can set them straight. This won’t end well. So if Anna-Nicole was a train wreck, Britney must be a Space Shuttle tragedy. The entire voyage has been caught on tape, and we’ll analyze every second of the flight for years go come.
I flipped on the television this morning as I was getting ready for work; I wanted to know what the story was with all the sirens that woke me up that were followed by multiple helicopters flying near my apartment. And all I could find was everyone was talking about her shaving her head. They were interviewing psychologists and hair stylists for their take on what’s going on with Britney. But it took a caller on a radio station to actually make sense. It’s postpartum. Someone call Tom Cruise.
It’s actually not even that funny anymore. After seeing Anna-Nicole die, I actually wondered who would go next; Britney, Lindsay or Paris. I really don’t know what is about these girls. They’re all kind of trying to replace Michael Jackson. They’ve had too much, too soon, never had a childhood and haven’t a clue of how to act or even survive. And there’s no one who can set them straight. This won’t end well. So if Anna-Nicole was a train wreck, Britney must be a Space Shuttle tragedy. The entire voyage has been caught on tape, and we’ll analyze every second of the flight for years go come.
February 15, 2007
Smoked
I forgot to mention something about Austin, a little fact that really did contribute to making our night out there so much fun. It’s fairly common, completely logical and of course something not done in Kansas City. I’m talking about smoke-free restaurants and bars. It’s the standard in New York, Los Angeles and even near by Lawrence. But of course, KC is behind the times on this as well. I hear smokers say how they have to smoke when they drink, and that’s a load of crap. Know how I know? There are smokers in New York, LA and Austin and they still make it out to eat and have a cocktail.
I’m pretty anti-smoking, just because it’s dumb, but I understand it’s a choice and I don’t think it’s right to legally tell people they can’t. But that doesn’t mean their choice should affect my life. Here, if I go out, I know I’ll come home smelling like an ashtray. I don’t enjoy that, it’s pretty disgusting. It’s not my disgusting habit, so I find it very rude. What if I just decided not to cover my mouth when I sneeze, and start spraying all the smokers? Hey, it’s a disgusting rude habit but, I gotta sneeze ya know. Tell me how they react when I cover them in snot. Probably prefer I wouldn’t do that.
Bar owners and restaurant owners in KC say how banning smoking will hurt their business, that’s bullshit. People will go out, I don’t think you’ll see a jump in Law & Order ratings when everyone decides they’ll stay home and smoke a pack while watching TV since they can’t smoke in a bar. People like to smoke when they drink, because in a bar everyone is smoking. Imagine if no one was. Wow, you could go out have a couple drinks and not have to smell it on your sheets for the next week. Go smoke-free, your patrons will be happier, as will your staff. There won’t be butts all over your floors, burn marks on chairs, or the stench. If it can work in college towns like Austin and Lawrence, and in every high school, I’d bet my life it can work in Kansas City.
Couple other things that bug me about smoking, and smokers. First, how come they always put the non-smoking section in the back of a restaurant? The point is I don’t want to be near it, but they’ll make you walk through a cloud of smoke to get to your table. And in many cases, there’s nothing separating the sections. Is the smoke supposed to know where to stop?
Another thing that baffles me about smokers, how they’ll “bum one” from a complete stranger. You won’t hand the bum on the street your spare change, but you have no problem asking someone you’ve never met for one of their cigarettes and no problem passing one off to some jerk off you made fun of 30 seconds before? Also, how do so many smokers walk around without a lighter or matches? You know you smoke; it’s not news to you. And to smoke, you need a way to light the damn cancer stick. Yet it’s 50/50 weather or not you actually have one or the other with you. What if I just went up to a stranger and asked for a stick of gum, a sip of their beer or one wing? They’d say no. Ask for a cigarette, and they won’t mind that I interrupted their conversation. Don’t tell me smoking doesn’t affect the brain, that’s just friggin dumb. Either smoking helped dumb you down to the point you can’t remember a lighter, or being that dumb is why you started smoking. Either way, it puts you on par with Corky. Only you smell worse, and he can do it without Becca!
I’m pretty anti-smoking, just because it’s dumb, but I understand it’s a choice and I don’t think it’s right to legally tell people they can’t. But that doesn’t mean their choice should affect my life. Here, if I go out, I know I’ll come home smelling like an ashtray. I don’t enjoy that, it’s pretty disgusting. It’s not my disgusting habit, so I find it very rude. What if I just decided not to cover my mouth when I sneeze, and start spraying all the smokers? Hey, it’s a disgusting rude habit but, I gotta sneeze ya know. Tell me how they react when I cover them in snot. Probably prefer I wouldn’t do that.
Bar owners and restaurant owners in KC say how banning smoking will hurt their business, that’s bullshit. People will go out, I don’t think you’ll see a jump in Law & Order ratings when everyone decides they’ll stay home and smoke a pack while watching TV since they can’t smoke in a bar. People like to smoke when they drink, because in a bar everyone is smoking. Imagine if no one was. Wow, you could go out have a couple drinks and not have to smell it on your sheets for the next week. Go smoke-free, your patrons will be happier, as will your staff. There won’t be butts all over your floors, burn marks on chairs, or the stench. If it can work in college towns like Austin and Lawrence, and in every high school, I’d bet my life it can work in Kansas City.
Couple other things that bug me about smoking, and smokers. First, how come they always put the non-smoking section in the back of a restaurant? The point is I don’t want to be near it, but they’ll make you walk through a cloud of smoke to get to your table. And in many cases, there’s nothing separating the sections. Is the smoke supposed to know where to stop?
Another thing that baffles me about smokers, how they’ll “bum one” from a complete stranger. You won’t hand the bum on the street your spare change, but you have no problem asking someone you’ve never met for one of their cigarettes and no problem passing one off to some jerk off you made fun of 30 seconds before? Also, how do so many smokers walk around without a lighter or matches? You know you smoke; it’s not news to you. And to smoke, you need a way to light the damn cancer stick. Yet it’s 50/50 weather or not you actually have one or the other with you. What if I just went up to a stranger and asked for a stick of gum, a sip of their beer or one wing? They’d say no. Ask for a cigarette, and they won’t mind that I interrupted their conversation. Don’t tell me smoking doesn’t affect the brain, that’s just friggin dumb. Either smoking helped dumb you down to the point you can’t remember a lighter, or being that dumb is why you started smoking. Either way, it puts you on par with Corky. Only you smell worse, and he can do it without Becca!
February 14, 2007
H-Day
What a dumb, pointless holiday. Seriously, it’s just dumb. And it isn’t because I’m a guy that I think this. I think women should hate this holiday more than us. Maybe not hate, but they should be upset or even offended by it. The single biggest complaint I hear from the women I know, is that men aren’t romantic enough. Well, I’ll argue that there is nothing romantic about Valentines Day.
My proof is in the Jennifer Aniston movie, The Break Up. She wants him to want to help do the dishes. The point isn’t if Vince Vaughn actually does help with the dishes, it is just his simple desire to help her out. And every woman agreed with her. But if he did it, just cause the calendars happen to say it’s Dishes Day, it wouldn’t be a sincere gesture. Much like Valentines Day. Nothing done today is “romantic,” it’s like drinking on St. Patrick’s Day, it’s just what you do because the calendar says it’s that day. It’s just a date to make guys do the things that women like, and if your dude doesn’t already do those things, he shouldn’t get points for doing them now.
A guy isn’t supposed to be reminded for weeks in advance to be romantic, and how unique is it when every other couple is doing something? I understand it’s a woman’s DNA to always like flowers, candy and the rest of it. Really, I get it. It’s like how guys will always like tits, beer and a ball game. So in that respect, Valentines Day is the female version of the Super Bowl. But then call it that. The Super Bowl is the one day where almost every one watches the game, men and women alike. But women don’t get credit for being sports fans on that day, and guys shouldn’t get credit for being romantic on Valentines Day.
Editors note* Wait, do I really need an editors note since this is all from the editor anyway? Moving on, this is really just a note for the women and the single ones at that. I’m not just bashing V-Day cause I’m some bitter, single guy. Not that I’m not bitter or single, but that isn’t my motivation. Also, I don’t need a day to tell me when to buy flowers. Just thought I’d put this out there. Do what you wish with the tidbit of info.
My proof is in the Jennifer Aniston movie, The Break Up. She wants him to want to help do the dishes. The point isn’t if Vince Vaughn actually does help with the dishes, it is just his simple desire to help her out. And every woman agreed with her. But if he did it, just cause the calendars happen to say it’s Dishes Day, it wouldn’t be a sincere gesture. Much like Valentines Day. Nothing done today is “romantic,” it’s like drinking on St. Patrick’s Day, it’s just what you do because the calendar says it’s that day. It’s just a date to make guys do the things that women like, and if your dude doesn’t already do those things, he shouldn’t get points for doing them now.
A guy isn’t supposed to be reminded for weeks in advance to be romantic, and how unique is it when every other couple is doing something? I understand it’s a woman’s DNA to always like flowers, candy and the rest of it. Really, I get it. It’s like how guys will always like tits, beer and a ball game. So in that respect, Valentines Day is the female version of the Super Bowl. But then call it that. The Super Bowl is the one day where almost every one watches the game, men and women alike. But women don’t get credit for being sports fans on that day, and guys shouldn’t get credit for being romantic on Valentines Day.
Editors note* Wait, do I really need an editors note since this is all from the editor anyway? Moving on, this is really just a note for the women and the single ones at that. I’m not just bashing V-Day cause I’m some bitter, single guy. Not that I’m not bitter or single, but that isn’t my motivation. Also, I don’t need a day to tell me when to buy flowers. Just thought I’d put this out there. Do what you wish with the tidbit of info.
February 12, 2007
Got Dict
We came, we saw, and we got Dict. I’m not allowed to give any of the gory details, but there won’t be any trips to New York in March for Pulp Diction. The trip wasn’t a total loss, the boys and I hit the town Friday night. Austin stepped up to the plate and delivered, even though we didn’t. Seriously, best way I can describe it is its like a mix between Lawrence and Chicago. A pretty substantial claim especially based off of one night and really just one area of town. But as much as I love Mass street, it’s 1996 Barry Bonds and 6th Street is 2001 Bonds.
I never had any desire to really come to Texas, but now I really think I’d put Austin on the short list of places I’d move to. I’ll get back to that later, now I gotta tell you about my favorite bar. Pete’s Dueling Pianos on 6th St. This place has everything you’re looking for in a bar. It had great music, friendly *and cute* staff, and the perfect crowd. College kids, bachelorette parties, drunk thirty-something’s who are getting over a heart breaking defeat, and drunk college girls. I can’t stress that enough, someone should start producing a DVD series that just follows drunk college girls around, it’d make a few bucks.
So Sunday afternoon, the three of us were dragging ass to say the least. Haven’t been that drunk in a long time, nor have I had that much fun in an even longer time. So we drove around Austin a bit and made our way to the UT campus. The campus is huge, but I couldn’t find Kevin Durant and wasn’t able to Kerrigan him to help out KU. Tell ya what I liked about Austin. I loved the architecture of both the buildings downtown and some of the homes in the surrounding area, great mix of old and new. There were murals on buildings, and un-like Kansas City, they weren’t advertising for something lame like UMKC basketball. It was just art. There were people outside for a reason. Like joggers by the river, and people just wondering the sidewalks. Bicycle drawn cabs, pizza joints all along 6th street serving what looked like decent pizza.
It has atmosphere and personality, something Kansas City is lacking severly. And personality goes a long way. For me to speak this highly of a city in Texas is remarkable to say the least. I don’t change my mind often, and I was ready to trade Texas to Mexico in exchange for Paz Vega. But now I’d actually consider moving. It’s not like I’m buying a 10 gallon hat and a belt buckle the size of a hubcap, buying a pick-up and mosing on down. Shit, I won’t even say “Ya’all,” but I’ll admit I was wrong. There is something worth while in Texas. And it’s not just Austin, I was impressed with San Antonio too. Again, only had one night there and didn’t get to see much but, I liked what I saw. We ate some good steaks at Landry’s on the River Walk. The fact that Kansas City hasn’t copied the River Walk is a mystery to me. It just seems like Kansas City doesn’t want to do anything to make itself a desire-able location. You don’t have to be Chicago, New York or Vegas to be a city people will actually choose to go visit.
All in all, it was a great a trip. Can’t say we aren’t disappointed that we aren’t headed to the next stage, but at least we gave it a shot. So we aren’t losers, we’re failures.
I never had any desire to really come to Texas, but now I really think I’d put Austin on the short list of places I’d move to. I’ll get back to that later, now I gotta tell you about my favorite bar. Pete’s Dueling Pianos on 6th St. This place has everything you’re looking for in a bar. It had great music, friendly *and cute* staff, and the perfect crowd. College kids, bachelorette parties, drunk thirty-something’s who are getting over a heart breaking defeat, and drunk college girls. I can’t stress that enough, someone should start producing a DVD series that just follows drunk college girls around, it’d make a few bucks.
So Sunday afternoon, the three of us were dragging ass to say the least. Haven’t been that drunk in a long time, nor have I had that much fun in an even longer time. So we drove around Austin a bit and made our way to the UT campus. The campus is huge, but I couldn’t find Kevin Durant and wasn’t able to Kerrigan him to help out KU. Tell ya what I liked about Austin. I loved the architecture of both the buildings downtown and some of the homes in the surrounding area, great mix of old and new. There were murals on buildings, and un-like Kansas City, they weren’t advertising for something lame like UMKC basketball. It was just art. There were people outside for a reason. Like joggers by the river, and people just wondering the sidewalks. Bicycle drawn cabs, pizza joints all along 6th street serving what looked like decent pizza.
It has atmosphere and personality, something Kansas City is lacking severly. And personality goes a long way. For me to speak this highly of a city in Texas is remarkable to say the least. I don’t change my mind often, and I was ready to trade Texas to Mexico in exchange for Paz Vega. But now I’d actually consider moving. It’s not like I’m buying a 10 gallon hat and a belt buckle the size of a hubcap, buying a pick-up and mosing on down. Shit, I won’t even say “Ya’all,” but I’ll admit I was wrong. There is something worth while in Texas. And it’s not just Austin, I was impressed with San Antonio too. Again, only had one night there and didn’t get to see much but, I liked what I saw. We ate some good steaks at Landry’s on the River Walk. The fact that Kansas City hasn’t copied the River Walk is a mystery to me. It just seems like Kansas City doesn’t want to do anything to make itself a desire-able location. You don’t have to be Chicago, New York or Vegas to be a city people will actually choose to go visit.
All in all, it was a great a trip. Can’t say we aren’t disappointed that we aren’t headed to the next stage, but at least we gave it a shot. So we aren’t losers, we’re failures.
February 09, 2007
WSOPC and...
“It’s go time,” in 24 hours the Entourage is headed down to Austin City Limits to take our shot at making it Big. We know that “only have disaster can we be resurrected.” Are we prepared? No, we know “we should have fuckin’ shotguns,” but sometimes you just gotta say what the fuck. First prize at the World Series of Pop Culture is $250,000 does it have my name on it? I don’t know. But, I’m gonna find out. Cause we’re men who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s the kind of men we are. (How many Pop Culture references did you count?)
Anyway, let’s move on to more pressing issues. And there really is one. Yesterday America lost a national treasure. Actually, we lost two. Anna-Nicole Smiths breasts passed away, and I think she did too. So, from every bad comes a good. But the devil himself asked the perfect question in response to this horrible news.
“Losing those enormous (even when skinny) fun bags is a national tragedy. Here is a question to ponder: If you were the mortician/coroner, would you still touch them after she has been dead a day? I think I would. But what about 2 days? 1 week? Just where would you draw the line?”
I think the ruling has to be two days; you gotta draw the line some where. I don’t know why, but two days just seems right. Anything past two days is just sleezy. Seriously, the body temperature drops like one degree an hour, I think that’s what I heard on CSI Miami. So after two days, the body would be just cold and then it’s like feeling up frozen foods. Which is fine when you’re 12, wait. Never mind.
There’s more to the story. As we all know, Anna Nicole recently became a mother. So this newborn baby, who lost his brother the same weekend he came in to the world, isn’t sure who his father is and now has lost his mother. Sounds tragic right? Wrong. The baby just hit the fucking lottery. Seriously, now he doesn’t have to get to know his psychotic freak of a mother, nor share the loot with his brother. It may sound cold, but it’s true.
This could be the first time a baby actually benefited from a parents death. This could totally change everyone’s take on abortion. Maybe now we’ll start giving the baby a choice. Really, this was the first ever 156th trimester abortion.
I hope Paris Hilton is paying attention, this is the woman (that’s using the term loosely, much like Anna Nicole herself) that paved the way for all the talent less, gold digging fame-chasing, pill popping, useless whores that some how find fame and fortune, whose simply by breathing prove evolution is a work in progress.
Now I don’t suspect that the Post Office will fly flags at half mast. It just wouldn’t be a fitting tribute to a pair whose sole purpose in life was to raise poles.
Anyway, let’s move on to more pressing issues. And there really is one. Yesterday America lost a national treasure. Actually, we lost two. Anna-Nicole Smiths breasts passed away, and I think she did too. So, from every bad comes a good. But the devil himself asked the perfect question in response to this horrible news.
“Losing those enormous (even when skinny) fun bags is a national tragedy. Here is a question to ponder: If you were the mortician/coroner, would you still touch them after she has been dead a day? I think I would. But what about 2 days? 1 week? Just where would you draw the line?”
I think the ruling has to be two days; you gotta draw the line some where. I don’t know why, but two days just seems right. Anything past two days is just sleezy. Seriously, the body temperature drops like one degree an hour, I think that’s what I heard on CSI Miami. So after two days, the body would be just cold and then it’s like feeling up frozen foods. Which is fine when you’re 12, wait. Never mind.
There’s more to the story. As we all know, Anna Nicole recently became a mother. So this newborn baby, who lost his brother the same weekend he came in to the world, isn’t sure who his father is and now has lost his mother. Sounds tragic right? Wrong. The baby just hit the fucking lottery. Seriously, now he doesn’t have to get to know his psychotic freak of a mother, nor share the loot with his brother. It may sound cold, but it’s true.
This could be the first time a baby actually benefited from a parents death. This could totally change everyone’s take on abortion. Maybe now we’ll start giving the baby a choice. Really, this was the first ever 156th trimester abortion.
I hope Paris Hilton is paying attention, this is the woman (that’s using the term loosely, much like Anna Nicole herself) that paved the way for all the talent less, gold digging fame-chasing, pill popping, useless whores that some how find fame and fortune, whose simply by breathing prove evolution is a work in progress.
Now I don’t suspect that the Post Office will fly flags at half mast. It just wouldn’t be a fitting tribute to a pair whose sole purpose in life was to raise poles.
February 01, 2007
More Departed?
I was making my daily website rounds yesterday when I came across some upsetting news. It isn’t earth shattering (yet) and it probably only matters to a few, but that’s who I write for. It seems as if there are talks for a sequel to The Departed. When I first read the article, it was like having my hand slammed in a door. It hurt, but not on that stomach-punch or kick to the nuts level.
Now, if you haven’t yet seen The Departed I’m telling you to stop reading now. Stop right now. Mark this post and come back to it after you’ve seen the movie, in fact you should probably just log off your computer, leave work and run to the movies. Can’t get a sitter? Call me, or just leave them some water and put all sharp objects out of reach. I don’t care. Do whatever you have to do just go see the movie already. Oh, and it’s coming out on video in two weeks.
There are a few glimmers of hope for this project. First, Scorsese is still involved and they want Robert De Niro to play a part. With De Niro and Scorsese it’s hard to go wrong. Now lets be honest De Niro, hasn’t exactly had the best track record of late. But this could be like Jordan’s famed “double nickel” game in the Garden. (For those that don’t know the story, Michael Jordan’s first comeback started off kind of slow and then he scored 55 against the Knicks in the most famous arena in the world)
Also, many don’t know this, but The Departed is actually a re-make of a Hong Kong film called Internal Affairs, and that was a trilogy. The first story I read, just mentioned a sequel, but I’ve done some research and they are actually talking sequel AND prequel. Could this end up as Scorsese’s Godfather? Well, we all know that they made one too many there. So personally, I’d rather just see a prequel. I don’t see how a sequel could really work. I mean, everyone is dead by the end of The Departed except for Mark Whalberg.
So last night I began thinking about how they could do this, and a prequel is all that made sense. Only I don’t see how you can bring back Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio, at least not as major characters. So here is how I see it:
Taking place a few years before Damon and Leo are even in the police academy, Jack is running has his crew. But where as in The Departed we didn’t see that he had any competition, in the Hirp version of the prequel there’s another gangster in town. And the two factions don’t play nicely. Oh, this one just happens to be lead by Robert De Niro. Can you imagine a scene with De Niro and Nicholson? It’d be the biggest movie event since De Niro and Pacino.
Now Jack has what the Italians call a consiglierie, played by Brad Pitt who was originally casted in the first movie. It turns out this isn’t such a good thing for Jack. Pitt is actually working for De Niro (he couldn’t join Cosa Nostra because he isn’t 100% Italian) Well, when Jack finds out the shit hits the fan of course. He ends up getting a visit from the Feds who help him smoke out Pitt, as well as kill De Niro. Which leads to him owing the Feds a favor, and this is how he ends up in bed with them as we heard in The Departed. Also, the fact that he was infiltrated by a rival is what gives Jack the idea to put a mole in the police department.
I can still see Martin Sheen having a role, as well as Mark Whalberg. They’ve been on the case for a while. And maybe small roles for Leo and Matt, but I don’t really know if that’s necessary. I really think that a story along these lines could work, but I don’t see how a sequel could work. And to be honest I really rather they not make one. Just because a movie is both great, and makes a ton of money doesn’t mean they need to make a sequel. I think that’ll have to be its very own post some day.
Now, if you haven’t yet seen The Departed I’m telling you to stop reading now. Stop right now. Mark this post and come back to it after you’ve seen the movie, in fact you should probably just log off your computer, leave work and run to the movies. Can’t get a sitter? Call me, or just leave them some water and put all sharp objects out of reach. I don’t care. Do whatever you have to do just go see the movie already. Oh, and it’s coming out on video in two weeks.
There are a few glimmers of hope for this project. First, Scorsese is still involved and they want Robert De Niro to play a part. With De Niro and Scorsese it’s hard to go wrong. Now lets be honest De Niro, hasn’t exactly had the best track record of late. But this could be like Jordan’s famed “double nickel” game in the Garden. (For those that don’t know the story, Michael Jordan’s first comeback started off kind of slow and then he scored 55 against the Knicks in the most famous arena in the world)
Also, many don’t know this, but The Departed is actually a re-make of a Hong Kong film called Internal Affairs, and that was a trilogy. The first story I read, just mentioned a sequel, but I’ve done some research and they are actually talking sequel AND prequel. Could this end up as Scorsese’s Godfather? Well, we all know that they made one too many there. So personally, I’d rather just see a prequel. I don’t see how a sequel could really work. I mean, everyone is dead by the end of The Departed except for Mark Whalberg.
So last night I began thinking about how they could do this, and a prequel is all that made sense. Only I don’t see how you can bring back Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio, at least not as major characters. So here is how I see it:
Taking place a few years before Damon and Leo are even in the police academy, Jack is running has his crew. But where as in The Departed we didn’t see that he had any competition, in the Hirp version of the prequel there’s another gangster in town. And the two factions don’t play nicely. Oh, this one just happens to be lead by Robert De Niro. Can you imagine a scene with De Niro and Nicholson? It’d be the biggest movie event since De Niro and Pacino.
Now Jack has what the Italians call a consiglierie, played by Brad Pitt who was originally casted in the first movie. It turns out this isn’t such a good thing for Jack. Pitt is actually working for De Niro (he couldn’t join Cosa Nostra because he isn’t 100% Italian) Well, when Jack finds out the shit hits the fan of course. He ends up getting a visit from the Feds who help him smoke out Pitt, as well as kill De Niro. Which leads to him owing the Feds a favor, and this is how he ends up in bed with them as we heard in The Departed. Also, the fact that he was infiltrated by a rival is what gives Jack the idea to put a mole in the police department.
I can still see Martin Sheen having a role, as well as Mark Whalberg. They’ve been on the case for a while. And maybe small roles for Leo and Matt, but I don’t really know if that’s necessary. I really think that a story along these lines could work, but I don’t see how a sequel could work. And to be honest I really rather they not make one. Just because a movie is both great, and makes a ton of money doesn’t mean they need to make a sequel. I think that’ll have to be its very own post some day.
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