WSOPC and...

“It’s go time,” in 24 hours the Entourage is headed down to Austin City Limits to take our shot at making it Big. We know that “only have disaster can we be resurrected.” Are we prepared? No, we know “we should have fuckin’ shotguns,” but sometimes you just gotta say what the fuck. First prize at the World Series of Pop Culture is $250,000 does it have my name on it? I don’t know. But, I’m gonna find out. Cause we’re men who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s the kind of men we are. (How many Pop Culture references did you count?)

Anyway, let’s move on to more pressing issues. And there really is one. Yesterday America lost a national treasure. Actually, we lost two. Anna-Nicole Smiths breasts passed away, and I think she did too. So, from every bad comes a good. But the devil himself asked the perfect question in response to this horrible news.

“Losing those enormous (even when skinny) fun bags is a national tragedy. Here is a question to ponder: If you were the mortician/coroner, would you still touch them after she has been dead a day? I think I would. But what about 2 days? 1 week? Just where would you draw the line?”

I think the ruling has to be two days; you gotta draw the line some where. I don’t know why, but two days just seems right. Anything past two days is just sleezy. Seriously, the body temperature drops like one degree an hour, I think that’s what I heard on CSI Miami. So after two days, the body would be just cold and then it’s like feeling up frozen foods. Which is fine when you’re 12, wait. Never mind.

There’s more to the story. As we all know, Anna Nicole recently became a mother. So this newborn baby, who lost his brother the same weekend he came in to the world, isn’t sure who his father is and now has lost his mother. Sounds tragic right? Wrong. The baby just hit the fucking lottery. Seriously, now he doesn’t have to get to know his psychotic freak of a mother, nor share the loot with his brother. It may sound cold, but it’s true.

This could be the first time a baby actually benefited from a parents death. This could totally change everyone’s take on abortion. Maybe now we’ll start giving the baby a choice. Really, this was the first ever 156th trimester abortion.

I hope Paris Hilton is paying attention, this is the woman (that’s using the term loosely, much like Anna Nicole herself) that paved the way for all the talent less, gold digging fame-chasing, pill popping, useless whores that some how find fame and fortune, whose simply by breathing prove evolution is a work in progress.

Now I don’t suspect that the Post Office will fly flags at half mast. It just wouldn’t be a fitting tribute to a pair whose sole purpose in life was to raise poles.