Alrighty, I have me some questions here. Some issues that everyone deals with on a fairy regular basis. Basically, it's about social expectations and where to draw the line.
Say I'm going into a building, I see someone is behind me. But there's some serious distance between us. But not so much that I couldn't make eye contact. So, the question is: How long am I to wait holding the door for them? Should I totally break stride, sit around and count the cracks on the sidewalk? Or, is it like a five second rule? How much extra time can I wait if it's a cute female and not be the strange guy lurking? I'm telling you, it's a fine line. Then what is an acceptable response if I don't get a "thanks"? Does it depend on how long I held the door? Side note, if it's an office or a mall and there's two doors to enter before actually being inside. One thank you is enough. I always feel obligated to say it twice but really, I said it after the first door. So I appreciate the effort, then I say it again after door number two? Really? Did you think perhaps I didn't care anymore? I say the second thanks, I just don't think it's necessary.
Next question. Sitting in cubes, you hear someone near by sneeze. How close do you need to be to say bless you? Just those you can actually see from your desk? There's something weird about that ghost thank you, you're not real sure who said it. You say thanks but you don't even know who you thanked. Also, how long should you wait till saying bless you after a sneeze? This has bugged me since Seinfeld dealt with it. What if you have a multiple sneezer? I think the one bless you, much like the one thank you covers holding multiple doors, covers all sneezes.
Third and final question. Is it wrong to rev your engine and want to run someone over in a parking lot if they're taking their sweet ass time, and walking down the middle of your lane? I'm in a 2000 pound car, and you think you can win a game of chicken? Pedestrians get the right of way but, it's bullshit if they think that means they get a pass on being decent.
Gonna be a slow day at work. More posts could follow.
May 31, 2006
Nuts
If you remember, a few weeks back I handed in my testies after I started to watch Grey's Anatomy. Well, I can proudly say they are firmly re-attached now. Thanks to Denis Leary and Rescue Me. The show is now starting it's third season so I might be a little late here. It was always a show I wanted to watch but on a channel I usually forgot about when it came to prime-time TV. I caught an episode or so here and there, parts of a few others and wanted to see more. But you can't just jump into a series like this. As is the case with many shows nowadays, you have to watch them all in order to fully enjoy them as well as follow.
So, the other day I wondered into Blockbuster to pick up the first few episodes on DVD. And now it's in my routine to watch a few every night to try and get caught up. I have to liken it to my two favorite shows, although it's not as strong, The Sopranos and Entourage. Like Sopranos, you have a main character who you watch struggle with all of his internal demons. Be a good father, or a selfish prick. Win back the soon to be ex-wife, or chase every skirt. Run into a burning building and be a hero, slam a car door on a guy for honking at you at a red light. As Tony struggles with his family and his Family, so does Tommy. And like Entourage, we have a show here that is very honest with how guys actually are. And the setting for all this, a group of firemen in a post 9-11 NYC.
And in way 9-11 plays another character on the show. One everyone else has to interact with and deal with. A character that has amazing depth and at sometimes the strangest sense of humor. The fact they are able to incorporate 9-11 in such a real way, without ever being sappy or just playing that string for a cheap emotional reaction from the viewer is one of the most brilliant moves in TV history. I saw Flight 93, I want to see United 93 as well as Oliver Stones World Trade Center. I urge everyone to rent "The Guys" with Sigourney Weaver, and till this day if there's something on TV about 9-11 I can't turn it off. This show though, just speaks for all the people that were there and what they are still going through today. One of the last episodes I watched had one character, Kenny Shea, who has been writing poetry to deal with 9-11. He's asked to share it with a support group of people dealing with Post-traumatic stress in the wake of 9-11. And his reaction to finding out that none of these people were actually there or directly effected is nothing short of brilliant.
Do yourself a favor, rent the DVD and start setting the DVR.
So, the other day I wondered into Blockbuster to pick up the first few episodes on DVD. And now it's in my routine to watch a few every night to try and get caught up. I have to liken it to my two favorite shows, although it's not as strong, The Sopranos and Entourage. Like Sopranos, you have a main character who you watch struggle with all of his internal demons. Be a good father, or a selfish prick. Win back the soon to be ex-wife, or chase every skirt. Run into a burning building and be a hero, slam a car door on a guy for honking at you at a red light. As Tony struggles with his family and his Family, so does Tommy. And like Entourage, we have a show here that is very honest with how guys actually are. And the setting for all this, a group of firemen in a post 9-11 NYC.
And in way 9-11 plays another character on the show. One everyone else has to interact with and deal with. A character that has amazing depth and at sometimes the strangest sense of humor. The fact they are able to incorporate 9-11 in such a real way, without ever being sappy or just playing that string for a cheap emotional reaction from the viewer is one of the most brilliant moves in TV history. I saw Flight 93, I want to see United 93 as well as Oliver Stones World Trade Center. I urge everyone to rent "The Guys" with Sigourney Weaver, and till this day if there's something on TV about 9-11 I can't turn it off. This show though, just speaks for all the people that were there and what they are still going through today. One of the last episodes I watched had one character, Kenny Shea, who has been writing poetry to deal with 9-11. He's asked to share it with a support group of people dealing with Post-traumatic stress in the wake of 9-11. And his reaction to finding out that none of these people were actually there or directly effected is nothing short of brilliant.
Do yourself a favor, rent the DVD and start setting the DVR.
May 30, 2006
May 25, 2006
Hirp On....
So, I read this article about these people climbing Mt Everest who chose not to help a man, who they pretty much knew was going to die, as they passed him. And I'm not exactly sure what I think of this. I know I think it's definitely screwed up. Stop and risk your life to help a guy who is pretty much a lost cause anyway, or just keep going and accomplish your goal. It sounds horribly selfish to just tell this dude sorry, can't do anything. And then continue on your way. But really, if you can't save him, is it wise to put yourself at risk too? Then again, these idiots are climbing a mountain and putting their lives at risk to say they did it. Isn't putting your life on the line for another man more honorable? Without a doubt it's more "extreme."
I'm not into extreme sports, and I have a thing about heights. So, climbing a mountain doesn't really appeal to me. I get that it's gotta be something amazing to even attempt. And there's something to be said for the idea that you're never as alive as you are when on the verge of death. But isn't Everest now like a porn star? Long time ago everyone wanted to climb up it. Then one day one person did, and suddenly if you didn't go up it yourself, you know someone who did or at the very least watched a story about it. Time to find a new conquest. This one has a trail of people who made it up, and people who died doing so.
Something else I wanted to write a little something about. This past week 7 World Trade Center re-opened. The last building to come down on September 11th, is the first one to be rebuilt. And I, for one, don't think this has received nearly enough attention. This is a huge step for NY and for America. This shows we are going to get back on our feet, a lot more than bombing someone who is already in the stone age.
9-11 is a huge deal for me. At first I was just in shock too much to even think about rebuilding. Then, I saw the skyline without two very familiar sites. And in a lot of ways it was like seeing a group of friends but a couple just couldn't make it, and the whole dynamic of the group was off. So, it didn't take long for me to think rebuilding wasn't only the best option, it's the only option. And I want the same exact skyline back. That's not going to happen. I've dealt with that. And I look forward to the next World Trade Center. I feel having a memorial is not negotiable. But any kind of memorial needs to start with rebuilding, while remembering. And I think we're doing a shitty job of remembering. Everyone can tell you where they were when they heard about it. But, everyone around here, is pretty numb to it. Maybe numb isn't the right word. Just there's been so much time and distance placed between now and then that it doesn't seem real to people anymore. More like a scary movie they saw some years ago.
I usually dislike Oliver Stone movies but, I am anxious to see his World Trade Center. Is it too soon? Probably for New York and for the families. But it's time for the rest of us to get a reminder. We've replaced that memory with our feelings towards W and the war, and our frustration with gas prices. And along the way forgotten what caused both.
Speaking of W, here's my advice. Get out of Iraq, find Bin Laden, stick his ass in NYC and let them take care of justice. Then go back to Texas.
I'm not into extreme sports, and I have a thing about heights. So, climbing a mountain doesn't really appeal to me. I get that it's gotta be something amazing to even attempt. And there's something to be said for the idea that you're never as alive as you are when on the verge of death. But isn't Everest now like a porn star? Long time ago everyone wanted to climb up it. Then one day one person did, and suddenly if you didn't go up it yourself, you know someone who did or at the very least watched a story about it. Time to find a new conquest. This one has a trail of people who made it up, and people who died doing so.
Something else I wanted to write a little something about. This past week 7 World Trade Center re-opened. The last building to come down on September 11th, is the first one to be rebuilt. And I, for one, don't think this has received nearly enough attention. This is a huge step for NY and for America. This shows we are going to get back on our feet, a lot more than bombing someone who is already in the stone age.
9-11 is a huge deal for me. At first I was just in shock too much to even think about rebuilding. Then, I saw the skyline without two very familiar sites. And in a lot of ways it was like seeing a group of friends but a couple just couldn't make it, and the whole dynamic of the group was off. So, it didn't take long for me to think rebuilding wasn't only the best option, it's the only option. And I want the same exact skyline back. That's not going to happen. I've dealt with that. And I look forward to the next World Trade Center. I feel having a memorial is not negotiable. But any kind of memorial needs to start with rebuilding, while remembering. And I think we're doing a shitty job of remembering. Everyone can tell you where they were when they heard about it. But, everyone around here, is pretty numb to it. Maybe numb isn't the right word. Just there's been so much time and distance placed between now and then that it doesn't seem real to people anymore. More like a scary movie they saw some years ago.
I usually dislike Oliver Stone movies but, I am anxious to see his World Trade Center. Is it too soon? Probably for New York and for the families. But it's time for the rest of us to get a reminder. We've replaced that memory with our feelings towards W and the war, and our frustration with gas prices. And along the way forgotten what caused both.
Speaking of W, here's my advice. Get out of Iraq, find Bin Laden, stick his ass in NYC and let them take care of justice. Then go back to Texas.
May 24, 2006
American Hirp
I was gonna leave this alone. Really, I had every intention of doing nothing here. Then I read this quote "I'm living the American dream." That's what I read Taylor Hicks, the new winner of American Idol, said after being named winner. Really, that's the American Dream? I guess it is. We're all about short cuts now. But enough already. Look, Clarkson has turned out okay. She's got a good sound, great look and actual talent. Really, they all have talent. And they should all be on Broadway or touring with some play.
I don't watch the show. Not because I'd have something against Simon putting people down, hell that part I'd actually enjoy. I just don't like the entire premise of the show. What happened to writing some music, getting your ass out there and touring and promoting yourself? Build a fan base, drop a cd, make a video. And then become a "pop star." I also won't say what they do is easy. I'm sure it's hard. To put yourself out there to fail on tv isn't something simple, like the inside of a Tigers head. But, it's still a short cut. And maybe it's because I have some very gifted musicians in my family who haven't made it huge yet that I feel this way. And you know what else? The biggest problem with music today is it's too cookie cutter. Too controlled by the record companies. These people celebrating a shitty record contract only furthers "the mans" cause. If the show lasts another three years, it will be brought down by a Bonds-on-roids level scandal, mark my words.
As for Taylor, I've heard him a few times. The guy has a great voice. But, I don't see him having a big career. He's a great cover artist but I really don't see America suddenly loving soul music. Don't believe me? Watch 40 Year Old Virgin again and tell me if you disagree with Paul Rudds rant about Michael Mcdonald. "Soul" is great. But don't tell me he's bringing it back. Fact is, he's bringing it back for white people. And he wont bring it back any more than Marc Broussard did.
I don't watch the show. Not because I'd have something against Simon putting people down, hell that part I'd actually enjoy. I just don't like the entire premise of the show. What happened to writing some music, getting your ass out there and touring and promoting yourself? Build a fan base, drop a cd, make a video. And then become a "pop star." I also won't say what they do is easy. I'm sure it's hard. To put yourself out there to fail on tv isn't something simple, like the inside of a Tigers head. But, it's still a short cut. And maybe it's because I have some very gifted musicians in my family who haven't made it huge yet that I feel this way. And you know what else? The biggest problem with music today is it's too cookie cutter. Too controlled by the record companies. These people celebrating a shitty record contract only furthers "the mans" cause. If the show lasts another three years, it will be brought down by a Bonds-on-roids level scandal, mark my words.
As for Taylor, I've heard him a few times. The guy has a great voice. But, I don't see him having a big career. He's a great cover artist but I really don't see America suddenly loving soul music. Don't believe me? Watch 40 Year Old Virgin again and tell me if you disagree with Paul Rudds rant about Michael Mcdonald. "Soul" is great. But don't tell me he's bringing it back. Fact is, he's bringing it back for white people. And he wont bring it back any more than Marc Broussard did.
May 22, 2006
Hirpacolypse 10.5
I am so excited that I think I am literally beside myself. Last night NBC aired 10.5 Apocalypse, the sequel to the genius that was 10.5 back in like 2004. And I LOVE this crap. Emphasis on crap. Really, these are completely horrible movies. The acting is atrocious, the special effects are just hysterical. Honestly, I've seen better film on teeth. Okay, I haven't. I'm not a dentist. But I love that line. My affection for this genre, if you will, started in 1990. 8th grade and there was all this hype for a flicked called The Big One: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake.
The cast had mom from Growing Pains and dad from Wonder Years. And it was a huge deal. So big that as a result the local news stations started talking about the fault in the Ozarks, and there was some prediction released that we were headed for a huge quake in the Midwest. One could only hope MU would have just fallen down into the depths of hell, till it was later announced Columbia is hell. So aside from a slight panic, which to me was pure fun. Kidding me? In 8th grade the idea of compete destruction to the Midwest wasn't scary. More like a dream come true. Now lets move past these personal reasons. Back to our movie.
What makes these movies so great is how bad they are. You take a group of actors, 95% you've never seen and will never see, toss in a few familiar faces. The faces that belong to guys like Dean Cain, or the hot chick from 8 Rules For Dating My Daughter. And that's our talent pool here. D grade at best. And the special effects I mentioned, basically someone shakes the camera and people walk like Bob Huggins at a check point. That's an earthquake. And I won't turn away. I didn't get to watch it last night but I DVR'd that bitch you better believe it. C'mon, I'm pumped for it but no way was it going to move ahead of The Sopranos. So that will be my Monday night and I can't wait to get started.
The cast had mom from Growing Pains and dad from Wonder Years. And it was a huge deal. So big that as a result the local news stations started talking about the fault in the Ozarks, and there was some prediction released that we were headed for a huge quake in the Midwest. One could only hope MU would have just fallen down into the depths of hell, till it was later announced Columbia is hell. So aside from a slight panic, which to me was pure fun. Kidding me? In 8th grade the idea of compete destruction to the Midwest wasn't scary. More like a dream come true. Now lets move past these personal reasons. Back to our movie.
What makes these movies so great is how bad they are. You take a group of actors, 95% you've never seen and will never see, toss in a few familiar faces. The faces that belong to guys like Dean Cain, or the hot chick from 8 Rules For Dating My Daughter. And that's our talent pool here. D grade at best. And the special effects I mentioned, basically someone shakes the camera and people walk like Bob Huggins at a check point. That's an earthquake. And I won't turn away. I didn't get to watch it last night but I DVR'd that bitch you better believe it. C'mon, I'm pumped for it but no way was it going to move ahead of The Sopranos. So that will be my Monday night and I can't wait to get started.
May 19, 2006
Good times. Good times.
No lie, I'm a light weight. I have no shame in admitting it and hell, I'm happy about it. I've never been a big drinker, kinda think that's just fine. Didn't drink at all in high school, I mean literally AT ALL. Or really in college, not that I was there all that long. And I didn't like beer till I was like 25. Just never liked the taste, even now I think it's just okay. I'm not one of those guys who has a beer with dinner, or chills out on the couch watching a game with a beer. It's an occasional thing for me to drink one, and not very often that I'll go out drinking. So the fact that I never really drank much, I never built up much of a tolerance. Along with the fact I'm a light weight as in, I weigh at the most 140. It doesn't take much for Hirp to get tipsy.
Not one to brag but, drunk Hirp is pretty entertaining. It's kind of surprising. Sober I can be a bit bitter at times, no I mean it. So one might think I'm a shitty drunk, or get pissy. Total opposite. I'm just a happy, talkative, smiley drunk. And last night was no different. You figured this was going some where right? Met up with some old friends from my LC daze, er days. Yes, we went to the Falloon. Where, surprisingly the waitress actually remembered me vaguely from my trip there last month with V, HirsCh, and Sarapearl. Totally cool chick by the way. Who claims to have a boyfriend but, we'll get back in there sober one day and find out the truth. Anyway, last night it's me B, T-Mac and a different Sarah. All former LC folk, all who have a strong dislike for those in charge there now. So, from time to time we like to get together and celebrate the fact we're not there any longer. Now going into last night, I had no real intention on getting drunk. Thought we'd sit around, watch some ball. Check out some girls, and the Plaza was crawling with them last night. Now don't go getting your hopes up, this isn't really some great story. It's just a recap of the night. Otherwise I'd have nothing to post.
And the MVP of the night was Sarah. Beating out the cool, cute fun waitress. Sarah goes and talks to this party of very cute girls and ends up bringing four back to our table mainly for T-Mac and I, since B is happily married. To a Doctor no less (he's my fucking hero too) Turns out these cute creatures are KU sorority girls out celebrating one of them turning 21. That was the, "shit I feel old" moment of the night. All very cool chicks. The one I ended up talking to was studying to be a speech pathologist. The fucking irony huh? I need one, if you've heard me talk you know this to be true. And insurance doesn't cover it. I offered to be her senior thesis. Anyway, they had to go take care of their very drunk friend before going on to Blonde. And I think we know how I feel about that fucking shit hole. But did that stop me from sending over shots to their entire table? No. Oops. Know when you're playing poker, and you're down for the night but you're having fun so throwing away more money on a pot you really can't win doesn't bother you at the time? No? Well, I'll tell you the feeling of that is idential to my buying them shots. With the same, "why the fuck did I do that feeling?" that sets in after you get up from the table. Only this came when the bill was staring at me, calling me an idiot. Buying Sarahs drinks for the nights as her MVP award, was probably my Isaiah Thomas "I'm playing with monopoly money" move of the night. But without question, good times. Good times.
Not one to brag but, drunk Hirp is pretty entertaining. It's kind of surprising. Sober I can be a bit bitter at times, no I mean it. So one might think I'm a shitty drunk, or get pissy. Total opposite. I'm just a happy, talkative, smiley drunk. And last night was no different. You figured this was going some where right? Met up with some old friends from my LC daze, er days. Yes, we went to the Falloon. Where, surprisingly the waitress actually remembered me vaguely from my trip there last month with V, HirsCh, and Sarapearl. Totally cool chick by the way. Who claims to have a boyfriend but, we'll get back in there sober one day and find out the truth. Anyway, last night it's me B, T-Mac and a different Sarah. All former LC folk, all who have a strong dislike for those in charge there now. So, from time to time we like to get together and celebrate the fact we're not there any longer. Now going into last night, I had no real intention on getting drunk. Thought we'd sit around, watch some ball. Check out some girls, and the Plaza was crawling with them last night. Now don't go getting your hopes up, this isn't really some great story. It's just a recap of the night. Otherwise I'd have nothing to post.
And the MVP of the night was Sarah. Beating out the cool, cute fun waitress. Sarah goes and talks to this party of very cute girls and ends up bringing four back to our table mainly for T-Mac and I, since B is happily married. To a Doctor no less (he's my fucking hero too) Turns out these cute creatures are KU sorority girls out celebrating one of them turning 21. That was the, "shit I feel old" moment of the night. All very cool chicks. The one I ended up talking to was studying to be a speech pathologist. The fucking irony huh? I need one, if you've heard me talk you know this to be true. And insurance doesn't cover it. I offered to be her senior thesis. Anyway, they had to go take care of their very drunk friend before going on to Blonde. And I think we know how I feel about that fucking shit hole. But did that stop me from sending over shots to their entire table? No. Oops. Know when you're playing poker, and you're down for the night but you're having fun so throwing away more money on a pot you really can't win doesn't bother you at the time? No? Well, I'll tell you the feeling of that is idential to my buying them shots. With the same, "why the fuck did I do that feeling?" that sets in after you get up from the table. Only this came when the bill was staring at me, calling me an idiot. Buying Sarahs drinks for the nights as her MVP award, was probably my Isaiah Thomas "I'm playing with monopoly money" move of the night. But without question, good times. Good times.
May 18, 2006
More useful tasks for the National Guard
Gonna get a little political on ya now. Just don't like this idea of troops "protecting" our borders. So, I decided I'd come up with a list of more productive tasks for the troops. Here we go, hold on tight:
10. Help the illiterate learn to read, maybe with some more informed voters we can avoid another Dubya
9. Hold classes to teach legal immigrants English.
8. Stand guard at movie theaters to prevent anyone from seeing Mission Impossible III
7. Help find Tupac and Biggie's killers.
6. Over throw the "President"
5. Go into landscaping, take away the jobs from the illegal ones before they get across the border.
4. Find us some friggin' oil.
3. Help OJ track down the real killer
2. Help rebuild New Orleans
1. Enforce all of Hirp's Laws.
10. Help the illiterate learn to read, maybe with some more informed voters we can avoid another Dubya
9. Hold classes to teach legal immigrants English.
8. Stand guard at movie theaters to prevent anyone from seeing Mission Impossible III
7. Help find Tupac and Biggie's killers.
6. Over throw the "President"
5. Go into landscaping, take away the jobs from the illegal ones before they get across the border.
4. Find us some friggin' oil.
3. Help OJ track down the real killer
2. Help rebuild New Orleans
1. Enforce all of Hirp's Laws.
The Hirp Plan
First, in the spirit of Spike Lee I must do the right thing. So here is a disclosure, I hate the Royals. I have since I moved here. Before that I actually dug them, as much as you can like an AL team. So the following isn't a Royals fan trying to fix this mess. More a baseball fan and a guy with an idea that might be so crazy it could actually work.
The Royals aren't bad. No, they're a good 5 years beyond bad. It's down right pitiful and embarrassing. I get that it's been a long time since they were good, so fans here are pretty much numb to it and don't care. But I have the fix for that.
It might not make them a winner, and let's be honest it probably won't. But it might just make them interesting again, and create a buzz that they so desperately lack.
The "plan," as I am so cleverly calling it, is something I typically despise. Reality TV. But let's see if we can do something good with it. Think Apprentice. And like Apprentice we need to start with a face and name people recognize and like. Plus it has to be someone credible, so that rules out anyone currently running the team. There's one guy, well maybe two, for the job. George Brett. Bo Jackson maybe but, he'd be better as a guest.
Another requirement may not be as easy. Royals fans as contestants. Finding them won't be easy. But not just Royals fans. True baseball fans, from all walks of life. And just to fuck with KC, you gotta have a Yankee fan. So you draw these contestants from KU, UMKC, even remedial schools like MU. Along with a few from other areas. And they have to compete in a series of challenges, aimed at marketing and advertising. Maybe they can come up with some creative ways to get people out to the ballpark, which is still a great place to see a game. It would just be nice to see two major league teams on the field.
Week by week one will get tossed, maybe have Brett stand at home and eject them as he was in Yankee Stadium for his pine tar covered bat. Or maybe that's a little harsh. The hope is the contestants would get players involved, let the community connect with them and even cheer for them. Get a buzz, any buzz. Think outside the lines, literally. And let the winner have the title of assistant-gm for a year and see what happens.
Truth is this won't make them a winner. So what, embrace losing. Field a team of guys KC can like and root for. Become lovable losers. Got the loser thing down to an art.
The Royals aren't bad. No, they're a good 5 years beyond bad. It's down right pitiful and embarrassing. I get that it's been a long time since they were good, so fans here are pretty much numb to it and don't care. But I have the fix for that.
It might not make them a winner, and let's be honest it probably won't. But it might just make them interesting again, and create a buzz that they so desperately lack.
The "plan," as I am so cleverly calling it, is something I typically despise. Reality TV. But let's see if we can do something good with it. Think Apprentice. And like Apprentice we need to start with a face and name people recognize and like. Plus it has to be someone credible, so that rules out anyone currently running the team. There's one guy, well maybe two, for the job. George Brett. Bo Jackson maybe but, he'd be better as a guest.
Another requirement may not be as easy. Royals fans as contestants. Finding them won't be easy. But not just Royals fans. True baseball fans, from all walks of life. And just to fuck with KC, you gotta have a Yankee fan. So you draw these contestants from KU, UMKC, even remedial schools like MU. Along with a few from other areas. And they have to compete in a series of challenges, aimed at marketing and advertising. Maybe they can come up with some creative ways to get people out to the ballpark, which is still a great place to see a game. It would just be nice to see two major league teams on the field.
Week by week one will get tossed, maybe have Brett stand at home and eject them as he was in Yankee Stadium for his pine tar covered bat. Or maybe that's a little harsh. The hope is the contestants would get players involved, let the community connect with them and even cheer for them. Get a buzz, any buzz. Think outside the lines, literally. And let the winner have the title of assistant-gm for a year and see what happens.
Truth is this won't make them a winner. So what, embrace losing. Field a team of guys KC can like and root for. Become lovable losers. Got the loser thing down to an art.
May 17, 2006
The Century Mark
Lately I've felt like Barry Bonds. My eyes on a large number that hovered over my head, a number that when everything started I never even imagined hitting. And as I got closer, it ran from me. But here it is. And I think this may be my lock to the Hall of Fame. For today, I hit 100 posts on here. As it sat on the horizon, dancing, taunting me I just didn't see myself thinking of a topic worthy of the big 1 double Oh. Till today and reading a friends myspace page.
See, it was something harmless. She used a Poison song for her music. Now that in itself can be something used to ridicule her but I'm going to avoid that. For now. What got me was that this is part of a trend. A very long and on going trend that needs to be stopped. No, I don't mean hair bands. Those have been stopped. I mean this epidemic if you will. There are just too many damn kids running around frontin like they're children of the 80's when truth is they are children of the 90's. So good ol' Hirp here is going to run down a few things to help you all figure out if you are actually a child of the 80's or a sucker of the 90's. (note I said child, this is by Webster-hirp definition someone who could walk and talk and think for themselves. A human who was aware of their surroundings and what was going on in the world around them)
-If you remember where you were when the Challenger exploded, you're a child of the 80's. And if class was actually stopped for every space shuttle take off prior to that, you're a child of the 80's.
-You had a TV and no remote control, only 13 channels and a vcr that didn't record and yet you still had the latest in home theatre. Then you're a child of the 80's.
-You're first game system was an Atari, then its 80's. Nintendo and you're a 90's kid.
-McDonald's burgers game in Styrofoam containers and there was no warning of the coffee being hot. 80's. McDonald sells salad, 90's.
-The ideal cover for your denim 3 ring binder was Van Halen's 1984 ALBUM cover, 80's. If you only ever had a trapper keeper, 90's.
-5 1/4 floppy disks, turtle, commodore, Where in the World is Carmen San Diego, and Oregon Trail all mean something to you.
-ESPN and MTV had no chance of lasting, 80's.
-Movie special effects took some actual effects and weren't just computer programmed.
-If you listened to New Edition, 80's. Bel Biv Devoe, 90's.
That's just a few things. Really it's like this: If you were born in the late 70's and maybe as late as 1980. You were a child of the 80's. After that, you really didn't know what was going on till probably 87ish and didn't care till 90. So you're a child of the 90's. I get why you kids don't want to be. The 90's sucked and most of all sucked for kids. Just as I know people my age who have a longing for all things 70's, that's fine. But if we're going to label people, let's just do so correctly. Class dismissed, see ya in another 100 posts.
May 16, 2006
Ramblings and Hirplings
Ah, TGIT. What? Thank Gregg its Tuesday? What the hell could be so great about a Tuesday you ask. Well, for starters it's an OST Tuesday. That's right, a poker league. I'm not exactly an addict but I want my fix. I can stop whenever I want. Like, yesterday. Didn't play at all. See, total control. Also, tonight is the night I get to return to my pimped out bachelors pad.
Seriously, no problem at all with house sitting for friends. Happy to help out. In fact, I'll be house sitting for some other friends next month. But 10 days is a long time. And I'm looking forward to my bed, my tv, my movies, music, AIM, walking to get fed or a drink, and not having dogs wake me up. I think just for thinking it, I might throw up but shit, there's no place like home. It's just yours. I mean, I'm a pretty clean guy. Which is to say I'm not one of those guys who you can't walk barefoot on their floor, or you share a bathroom with some rodent that he actually named. But in my place, if I choose to leave some cans out for a couple days before cleaning off the coffee table, I can do it. At a friends house, ya can't. So, I think just to welcome myself home I might leave my empty soda cans on the table for a week. Half-full too. See, I said half full not half-empty.
New subject. Let me tell you what I like about Myspace. I mean for the most part, it's the most juvenile site you could even dream of. But, ever since I got online 11 years ago, I was a sucker for any of those damn questionnaires. You know the ones. Totally random, sometimes way too personal ones. And people send those out or post em on myspace almost daily. For some reason, questions that would normally get you slapped or labeled an ass, maybe even a restraining order (so I hear) are perfectly acceptable as long as they are part of a group of questions. Go figure. And this is what I meant when I said people are more honest online. Sure, they could be full of shit and some are. But for the most part you get the goods in these fucking things. Seriously, every employer should send one to prospective employees just use a non-work related email address to get responses. It's just another one of those bizarre instances where normal social ethos are completely ignored online.
Now for yet another totally random subject. Soldiers on the border. Are you mad? Are you fucking out of your mind Dub? I get that it's a problem, and I agree that it is. Although I have no problem with people coming here, we're all just better off if they do it legally. Got it. But soldiers? Dudes with guns? Never mind if it's right or wrong. Look at it from a PR perspective. As if our image right now isn't shitty enough. No, we need dudes with big scary guns standing over a line in the dirt, keeping the rest of us from getting quality nannies and groundskeepers. This idiot from Texas has us looking like the overly strict parent everyone hated in high school. The assholes who wanted to ground not just their kids but, their kids friends. Meanwhile, mom and dad are totally scandalous themselves. Beating their kids, stealing from work, telling everyone they gave up drinking but never had a problem, judging everyone around them yet claiming to be these "good christians." Only instead of friends or bastard kids, it just happens to be the entire world this guy is shitting on. As the yet released song by Eric Hirshberg says, "you can keep Texas but, I want America back."
Seriously, no problem at all with house sitting for friends. Happy to help out. In fact, I'll be house sitting for some other friends next month. But 10 days is a long time. And I'm looking forward to my bed, my tv, my movies, music, AIM, walking to get fed or a drink, and not having dogs wake me up. I think just for thinking it, I might throw up but shit, there's no place like home. It's just yours. I mean, I'm a pretty clean guy. Which is to say I'm not one of those guys who you can't walk barefoot on their floor, or you share a bathroom with some rodent that he actually named. But in my place, if I choose to leave some cans out for a couple days before cleaning off the coffee table, I can do it. At a friends house, ya can't. So, I think just to welcome myself home I might leave my empty soda cans on the table for a week. Half-full too. See, I said half full not half-empty.
New subject. Let me tell you what I like about Myspace. I mean for the most part, it's the most juvenile site you could even dream of. But, ever since I got online 11 years ago, I was a sucker for any of those damn questionnaires. You know the ones. Totally random, sometimes way too personal ones. And people send those out or post em on myspace almost daily. For some reason, questions that would normally get you slapped or labeled an ass, maybe even a restraining order (so I hear) are perfectly acceptable as long as they are part of a group of questions. Go figure. And this is what I meant when I said people are more honest online. Sure, they could be full of shit and some are. But for the most part you get the goods in these fucking things. Seriously, every employer should send one to prospective employees just use a non-work related email address to get responses. It's just another one of those bizarre instances where normal social ethos are completely ignored online.
Now for yet another totally random subject. Soldiers on the border. Are you mad? Are you fucking out of your mind Dub? I get that it's a problem, and I agree that it is. Although I have no problem with people coming here, we're all just better off if they do it legally. Got it. But soldiers? Dudes with guns? Never mind if it's right or wrong. Look at it from a PR perspective. As if our image right now isn't shitty enough. No, we need dudes with big scary guns standing over a line in the dirt, keeping the rest of us from getting quality nannies and groundskeepers. This idiot from Texas has us looking like the overly strict parent everyone hated in high school. The assholes who wanted to ground not just their kids but, their kids friends. Meanwhile, mom and dad are totally scandalous themselves. Beating their kids, stealing from work, telling everyone they gave up drinking but never had a problem, judging everyone around them yet claiming to be these "good christians." Only instead of friends or bastard kids, it just happens to be the entire world this guy is shitting on. As the yet released song by Eric Hirshberg says, "you can keep Texas but, I want America back."
May 12, 2006
New Hirp Laws
Restroom Etiquette
I've come up with some rules, no make that laws, for proper behavior while in a men's room. Ladies, luckily you don't use the restroom for the same reasons. I know you just go in to talk to each other, check hair, apply make-up and for some of you it's a chance to do some blow. So these rules don't apply to you. It a well known fact that women don't have to pee or poop. And no, you can't convince me otherwise. Without further adu.
There's no talking. You don't stand at the urinal and strike up a conversation. Ever. Also, there's no using your cell. No one wants to talk to you while you're in there and no one that's in there wants to hear you talk. (note, cell phone use is allowed as long as its texting or video games) Also, there is no giving yourself a pep-talk out loud. No one needs to hear you psyche yourself up for this. Bonus, you don't need to say excuse me after any noises. Let's just not acknowledge it.
Along the lines of the noises. Try your best to keep the volume down. I know it's natural but leave the booming bass for home or in your car.
Eyes forward at all times. Pick a spot on the wall above the urinal and stare. Turn your head and anyone in there has the right to smash said head into wall.
Dry your hands. It's more important than actually washing them. I don't want to reach for the door handle and wonder if it's damp cause you just didn't dry your hands or you peed all over them. I'd rather it be dry and open the door under the ignorance that you did wash AND dry.
Head nods are acceptable. As a way to communicate with other patrons, or well unless you're having extra-curricular activities.
Women stop reading now.
Guys, leave the seat in the stall down. You wanna pee, there's a little opening in the seat so you can piss with it down. Just aim. Also, try to avoid leaving your pubes on the seat. That's just fucking gross. I didn't leave any on your pillow when you were out last Sunday, don't leave any on my seat.
Lock the door to your stall. And I hope this goes without saying, make sure you shut it.
Stand close to the urinal. We aren't giving away points for distance.
If you bring reading material, that's fine. Leave it behind or throw it out. Think George and Seinfeld. Also, don't get caught with Us Weekly or you might get banned.
And in closing, some words of wisdom from Confucius. Man who stands on toilet, is high on pot.
I've come up with some rules, no make that laws, for proper behavior while in a men's room. Ladies, luckily you don't use the restroom for the same reasons. I know you just go in to talk to each other, check hair, apply make-up and for some of you it's a chance to do some blow. So these rules don't apply to you. It a well known fact that women don't have to pee or poop. And no, you can't convince me otherwise. Without further adu.
There's no talking. You don't stand at the urinal and strike up a conversation. Ever. Also, there's no using your cell. No one wants to talk to you while you're in there and no one that's in there wants to hear you talk. (note, cell phone use is allowed as long as its texting or video games) Also, there is no giving yourself a pep-talk out loud. No one needs to hear you psyche yourself up for this. Bonus, you don't need to say excuse me after any noises. Let's just not acknowledge it.
Along the lines of the noises. Try your best to keep the volume down. I know it's natural but leave the booming bass for home or in your car.
Eyes forward at all times. Pick a spot on the wall above the urinal and stare. Turn your head and anyone in there has the right to smash said head into wall.
Dry your hands. It's more important than actually washing them. I don't want to reach for the door handle and wonder if it's damp cause you just didn't dry your hands or you peed all over them. I'd rather it be dry and open the door under the ignorance that you did wash AND dry.
Head nods are acceptable. As a way to communicate with other patrons, or well unless you're having extra-curricular activities.
Women stop reading now.
Guys, leave the seat in the stall down. You wanna pee, there's a little opening in the seat so you can piss with it down. Just aim. Also, try to avoid leaving your pubes on the seat. That's just fucking gross. I didn't leave any on your pillow when you were out last Sunday, don't leave any on my seat.
Lock the door to your stall. And I hope this goes without saying, make sure you shut it.
Stand close to the urinal. We aren't giving away points for distance.
If you bring reading material, that's fine. Leave it behind or throw it out. Think George and Seinfeld. Also, don't get caught with Us Weekly or you might get banned.
And in closing, some words of wisdom from Confucius. Man who stands on toilet, is high on pot.
May 11, 2006
Sun Sets On The West
Well, the end of the television season is upon us. And that kinda sucks. Not because I'm such a huge fan of a ton of shows but, I do have a few I really like. But it helps with a routine. And I happen to be a guy who likes a pretty consistent routine. It was different back when the end of a season also meant the end of a school year. But there's no end work year to end. No summer break. Anyway, along with the end of the seasons one of my very favorite shows is closing the curtain.
The West Wing has been one of those shows for me, you know the show you actually find yourself looking forward to the second the credits close on an episode? I've always found politics interesting but hated politicians. This show made them interesting. They seemed to love what they were doing, care about the law and people. So, yes it was total fiction. But it made you feel, what if. What if we had a President like Jed Bartlett? How great could this country be? And how does a television show give you that kind of hope? And the writing. Just fucking great. Created by Aaron Sorkin, the guy writes dialogue the way I wish I could speak. His characters have great interesting conversations, with great banter and still sound totally believable. The show stumbled a bit after he left and when they announced this was the final season, I was okay with it. I didn't want to see a new administration, with a new cast. And then some how, in the past 5 or 6 episodes they got me hooked again. And I wanna see the show go on. But no luck. This Sunday ends a great run.
But there is a silver lining. Next season NBC has a new show by Sorkin. After Sports Night ended, another gem of a show that I discovered after it was too late, a lot of the same actors came to work on the Wing. And again, many are following Sorkin to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. So I am totally stoked about that. Matthew Perry, who had a great couple of guest spots on the Wing, Amanda Peet, Bradley Whitford are supposed to be part of the cast along with D.L Hugley and Steven Weber. And I'm sure we'll see Richard Schiff, Janel Moloney, Joshua Malina and hopefully Mary Louise-Parker. I'm already setting my DVR for this one.
The West Wing has been one of those shows for me, you know the show you actually find yourself looking forward to the second the credits close on an episode? I've always found politics interesting but hated politicians. This show made them interesting. They seemed to love what they were doing, care about the law and people. So, yes it was total fiction. But it made you feel, what if. What if we had a President like Jed Bartlett? How great could this country be? And how does a television show give you that kind of hope? And the writing. Just fucking great. Created by Aaron Sorkin, the guy writes dialogue the way I wish I could speak. His characters have great interesting conversations, with great banter and still sound totally believable. The show stumbled a bit after he left and when they announced this was the final season, I was okay with it. I didn't want to see a new administration, with a new cast. And then some how, in the past 5 or 6 episodes they got me hooked again. And I wanna see the show go on. But no luck. This Sunday ends a great run.
But there is a silver lining. Next season NBC has a new show by Sorkin. After Sports Night ended, another gem of a show that I discovered after it was too late, a lot of the same actors came to work on the Wing. And again, many are following Sorkin to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. So I am totally stoked about that. Matthew Perry, who had a great couple of guest spots on the Wing, Amanda Peet, Bradley Whitford are supposed to be part of the cast along with D.L Hugley and Steven Weber. And I'm sure we'll see Richard Schiff, Janel Moloney, Joshua Malina and hopefully Mary Louise-Parker. I'm already setting my DVR for this one.
More questions. And other things I don't understand
You in the Hummer. You have a "support the troops" bumper sticker. 'Splain this to me. You're driving the biggest gas guzzling thing on the planet. Support the troops? How 'bout doing so with actions instead of a $1 bumper sticker. You have the money.
Women. Just women. Nothing in particular today.
I hear these stories of people turning 40, and they say 40 is the new 30. Does that make 30 the new 20? If so, can I still go to Vegas for my 30th?? Will they let me gamble??
I'm all for getting child molesters off the streets but, this to catch a predator thing. How is that not entrapment? I'm not a lawyer and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express. But I am Jewish, and we come with a pretty good understanding of the law.
I thought waking up 5 minutes before my alarm was always pure torture. Now I have 2 pugs waking me up 10 minutes before my alarm goes off, it's seriously 30 times worse. What happens to a dog after just 9 seconds in a microwave? Do I need to find out?
If just a few more friends of mine would travel more, I might be able to give up my apartment and just house sit some place all year. If I make this a goal, do I slip into Turtles world of leaching? Would that be bad thing?
Another thing I don't understand. The regulars at the bar. The ones that complain about EVERY FRIGGIN' THING. I went and played in this free poker game and there was one woman there, who knew the owner, bartender and all the waitresses, bitched non-stop. It was too cold, they charged for water now, the table wasn't sitting right. She wanted them to turn off the fan, she wanted the blinds closed I bet she wanted someone to put a pillow on her seat. Seriously, non-stop. And she was wearing some Zuba like pants. And she charged her 4 waters. I vote her off.
Ooh. Just heard a rumor. Our new offices are going to be in the Bottoms down by Kemper. Makes for a much shorter commute for me. But shit, there isn't a McDonald's down there! Might make the lunch game possible though!
Women. Just women. Nothing in particular today.
I hear these stories of people turning 40, and they say 40 is the new 30. Does that make 30 the new 20? If so, can I still go to Vegas for my 30th?? Will they let me gamble??
I'm all for getting child molesters off the streets but, this to catch a predator thing. How is that not entrapment? I'm not a lawyer and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express. But I am Jewish, and we come with a pretty good understanding of the law.
I thought waking up 5 minutes before my alarm was always pure torture. Now I have 2 pugs waking me up 10 minutes before my alarm goes off, it's seriously 30 times worse. What happens to a dog after just 9 seconds in a microwave? Do I need to find out?
If just a few more friends of mine would travel more, I might be able to give up my apartment and just house sit some place all year. If I make this a goal, do I slip into Turtles world of leaching? Would that be bad thing?
Another thing I don't understand. The regulars at the bar. The ones that complain about EVERY FRIGGIN' THING. I went and played in this free poker game and there was one woman there, who knew the owner, bartender and all the waitresses, bitched non-stop. It was too cold, they charged for water now, the table wasn't sitting right. She wanted them to turn off the fan, she wanted the blinds closed I bet she wanted someone to put a pillow on her seat. Seriously, non-stop. And she was wearing some Zuba like pants. And she charged her 4 waters. I vote her off.
Ooh. Just heard a rumor. Our new offices are going to be in the Bottoms down by Kemper. Makes for a much shorter commute for me. But shit, there isn't a McDonald's down there! Might make the lunch game possible though!
May 10, 2006
Future MU recruits?!?!
So this is the sickest thing I've read in a while.
Officials: 1st- and 2nd-grade boys sexually assault girl
St. Louis (Missouri)
or Create Your Own
Manage Alerts | What Is This? ST. LOUIS, Missouri (AP) -- Twelve boys in the first and second grade at a St. Louis elementary school are accused of sexually assaulting a second-grade girl during recess, authorities said Tuesday.
One teacher who was supposed to be supervising the recess has been fired, and another suspended with pay, school superintendent Creg Williams said.
Ten of the boys, ages 6 to 8, were suspended for the rest of the school year, and the other two received five-day, in-school suspensions. (Watch to see the scene and what the school plans for alleged attackers -- 2:44)
No names were released.
The girl, who is 8, was unharmed physically but will not return for the rest of the school year. "We don't know what type of emotional scars it will have on the young lady," Williams said.
The incident happened Friday at Columbia Accelerated Community Educational Center, a school with 400 students in pre-kindergarten through sixth grade on the city's north side.
During the recess shortly after lunch, a student alerted a teacher when he saw several boys huddled around the girl who was on the ground.
Police turned the investigation over to juvenile authorities. A court official said the boys could face misdemeanor counts of sexual misconduct and assault.
Officials: 1st- and 2nd-grade boys sexually assault girl
St. Louis (Missouri)
or Create Your Own
Manage Alerts | What Is This? ST. LOUIS, Missouri (AP) -- Twelve boys in the first and second grade at a St. Louis elementary school are accused of sexually assaulting a second-grade girl during recess, authorities said Tuesday.
One teacher who was supposed to be supervising the recess has been fired, and another suspended with pay, school superintendent Creg Williams said.
Ten of the boys, ages 6 to 8, were suspended for the rest of the school year, and the other two received five-day, in-school suspensions. (Watch to see the scene and what the school plans for alleged attackers -- 2:44)
No names were released.
The girl, who is 8, was unharmed physically but will not return for the rest of the school year. "We don't know what type of emotional scars it will have on the young lady," Williams said.
The incident happened Friday at Columbia Accelerated Community Educational Center, a school with 400 students in pre-kindergarten through sixth grade on the city's north side.
During the recess shortly after lunch, a student alerted a teacher when he saw several boys huddled around the girl who was on the ground.
Police turned the investigation over to juvenile authorities. A court official said the boys could face misdemeanor counts of sexual misconduct and assault.
Quick Post
First off. ---- you all! Okay not all. Just the bastards I'm mad at. Get this, 3 friends of mine are either in Hawaii or going there in the next couple of months. Not the Lake. Not even Chicago. Fargin Hawaii. Have I been? No. Did they offer to take me? No. And it's all couples who have some what adopted me as the single friend. C'mon, you gotta be nicer to the step kid. And don't any of you dare bring me back a tee shirt. Or I might just strangle you with it. But have fun:) Asses.
Speaking of Chicago. Right now the plan is to head up there in July for the Cubs-Mets series. Should be a damn good time. Bum, V and I, perhaps even Hard Core. Lots of trash talking. And one totally strange, maybe twice in a lifetime occurrence. Since V has some Mets on his fantasy baseball team, we'll actually be on the same side at a sporting event. This happens about as often as some big hurricane comes along and sinks a major city. Oops. Is that insensitive? C'mon, throw me a rope. Don't let me just drown in this joke. Oh no I didn't go there too? Yep. I did.
And while the subject is V. I'd like to take a moment to congratulate him on his new venture. www.RedMaverickDesign.com I think the site looks fantastic, and wish you the best. Proud of ya brah. And I hope you all will take a moment to check out his new business and keep him in mind if you need a graphic designer.
Speaking of Chicago. Right now the plan is to head up there in July for the Cubs-Mets series. Should be a damn good time. Bum, V and I, perhaps even Hard Core. Lots of trash talking. And one totally strange, maybe twice in a lifetime occurrence. Since V has some Mets on his fantasy baseball team, we'll actually be on the same side at a sporting event. This happens about as often as some big hurricane comes along and sinks a major city. Oops. Is that insensitive? C'mon, throw me a rope. Don't let me just drown in this joke. Oh no I didn't go there too? Yep. I did.
And while the subject is V. I'd like to take a moment to congratulate him on his new venture. www.RedMaverickDesign.com I think the site looks fantastic, and wish you the best. Proud of ya brah. And I hope you all will take a moment to check out his new business and keep him in mind if you need a graphic designer.
May 08, 2006
Aw Nuts!
Well crap. I didn't think this day would come. Not until I was married anyway. But, in my defense I am man enough to own up to this and it's not easy.
But I need to turn in my testicles. Not sure who I turn them into. Again, I thought this day wouldn't come till I got married. Anyone know the process for this? Porqchop? Let me explain what happened. See, I heard all this hype. How everyone was doing it. Everyone loved it. And I almost never cave. I never watched an episode of Lost. Tried half an episode of Alias. Even watched the first couple episodes of Desperate Housewives. None of those got me. My balls stayed in my pants. But since I'm house sitting, and without my movie collection and video games. I decided what the hell, rent it and see what you think. It has a pretty good cast. Always thought Isaiah Washington was highly underrated. So I did it. I rented the first season of Greys Anatomy. And fuck. I like it. A lot. As much as House? No. Although it has it's own angry and sarcastic doctor. More than one.
I heard all these comparisons to ER, which I never really liked. And it's better. It's funny. Even if every time Patrick Dempsey is on the screen I think of the movie Loverboy. And I realize that is gotta be the gayest thing I've ever said. Oh this is awful. I mean not that there's anything wrong with that.
And perhaps more reason. Might as well say it before Porqchop does. See, that's a lot of our friendship. The pre-emptive comments to keep the other guy from making certain jokes. But he'll say I have to turn in the testies for clearing things up with a friend. Is he right? Quite possibly. So maybe he can put my balls up on his mantle. That way they can sit next to, and dwarf, his.
Ps- On a serious note. More serious than ball lopping. Congrats to Shoepho who was engaged this past weekend. And use your own means to take Brads off.
But I need to turn in my testicles. Not sure who I turn them into. Again, I thought this day wouldn't come till I got married. Anyone know the process for this? Porqchop? Let me explain what happened. See, I heard all this hype. How everyone was doing it. Everyone loved it. And I almost never cave. I never watched an episode of Lost. Tried half an episode of Alias. Even watched the first couple episodes of Desperate Housewives. None of those got me. My balls stayed in my pants. But since I'm house sitting, and without my movie collection and video games. I decided what the hell, rent it and see what you think. It has a pretty good cast. Always thought Isaiah Washington was highly underrated. So I did it. I rented the first season of Greys Anatomy. And fuck. I like it. A lot. As much as House? No. Although it has it's own angry and sarcastic doctor. More than one.
I heard all these comparisons to ER, which I never really liked. And it's better. It's funny. Even if every time Patrick Dempsey is on the screen I think of the movie Loverboy. And I realize that is gotta be the gayest thing I've ever said. Oh this is awful. I mean not that there's anything wrong with that.
And perhaps more reason. Might as well say it before Porqchop does. See, that's a lot of our friendship. The pre-emptive comments to keep the other guy from making certain jokes. But he'll say I have to turn in the testies for clearing things up with a friend. Is he right? Quite possibly. So maybe he can put my balls up on his mantle. That way they can sit next to, and dwarf, his.
Ps- On a serious note. More serious than ball lopping. Congrats to Shoepho who was engaged this past weekend. And use your own means to take Brads off.
May 04, 2006
Where to go??
Alabama As I call it, Ala-fuckin-bama. No. Pretty much ruling out the South. Liberal elitist or whatever you wanna call me. It's really not personal. Okay maybe it is. I just can't be around more rednecks then I am now. And no disrespect to my brother and his family.
Alaska Beautiful. Too cold. Too far away. No sports. Might as well just move to Canada
Arkansas See Ala-fuckin-bama.
Arizona- On the list. Not really cause I wanna follow mommy and daddy. The weather sounds great. Close to Cali and Vegas. And Bill and M
California- On the list. Friggin expensive though. Not sure where. Have family in LA and San Diego but I don't know if I see myself as an LA kinda guy. Bay area maybe? Again, cha-funkin-ching.
Colorado- Nope. Nothing against it. But I'm not the mountain climbing, camping, birkenstock wearing guy.
Connecticut- On the list. Lived there, know it kinda sucks. But still have a really good friend there who I'd like to be near, has two of the kids and it's close to NYC
DC- Hm. Visited a friend there, really like it. But his situation is up in the air. So on the list but doubt it.
Delaware- Just nah
Florida- Like it a lot but no. I do prefer a state that won't be taken out by hurricanes.
Georgia- Nope.
Hawaii- Hadn't even though about it till now. Hmmmm..nah, too far from every thing and everyone
Idaho- No, just no
Iowa- No, hell no
Illinois- Chicago is high on the list. Bum and Geri are there. Great city
Indiana- Nope, isn't it the Ala-fuckin-bama of the north?
Kansas- No, moving back across state line wouldn't even count as moving.
Kentucky- Nope
Louisiana- What did I say about the South? Stop asking.
Massachusetts- Boston is great, haven't been since I was a kid to be honest. But it just sounds like a great town. That said, not unless there's a great job there for me
Maryland- See DC
Maine- See Colorado
Michigan- Maybe with Alabama Whirly
Missouri- Show me the door
Minnesota- Have some family up there, really like it. But toooooo cold. Plus Prince is just fuckin' weird.
Mississippi- You know the answer
Montana- See Colorado
North Carolina- It's the south but, I'd almost consider it. V seems to have a nice set up there. But I hear there are NO women.
North Dakota- Yawn, no.
Nebraska- See Iowa
New Hampshire- Not gonna happen
New Jersey- Not unless T calls me
New Mexico- Nah.
New York- High on the list. Probably not the city. You gotta be rich to be poor there. Maybe back to Long Island. Cost of living is nuts though. But you can go home again.
Nevada- I said no to Vegas. But Tahoe could be interesting. Not on the list cause there's no reason to go. No family, friends or career as of now. But if any of those change, maybe.
Ohio- Have family in Cleveland. And always liked it there. Wouldn't rule it out.
Oklahoma- Nope. But they do grow some purty girls
Oregon- Would like to visit Portland but I don't see myself living there.
Pennsylvania- No real reason to consider it.
Rhode Island- Could be a really great life. Seems very laid back, chill on the beach. But no one moves to Rhode Island
South Carolina- Back to the south again?? No!
South Dakota- Yawn, no
Tennessee- Stop
Texas- Austin I'd consider. The rest, well as the song says. You can keep Texas, I want America back
Utah- I don't even want friends who have more than one wife. Or neighbors. Unless I can chill with Napoleon, hell no.
Virginia- For lovers huh? I got your love.
Vermont- See Maine
Washington- Seattle would be great. But probably too pricey.
Wisconsin- Weird state, always hear good things about it. Everyone from there loves it. Freaks. No
West Virginia- I'm thinking of a word. Rhymes with so, go, ho, yo, dough, blow. Wanna guess?
Wyoming- Have family in Jackson Hole, need to visit them actually. I said visit.
Alaska Beautiful. Too cold. Too far away. No sports. Might as well just move to Canada
Arkansas See Ala-fuckin-bama.
Arizona- On the list. Not really cause I wanna follow mommy and daddy. The weather sounds great. Close to Cali and Vegas. And Bill and M
California- On the list. Friggin expensive though. Not sure where. Have family in LA and San Diego but I don't know if I see myself as an LA kinda guy. Bay area maybe? Again, cha-funkin-ching.
Colorado- Nope. Nothing against it. But I'm not the mountain climbing, camping, birkenstock wearing guy.
Connecticut- On the list. Lived there, know it kinda sucks. But still have a really good friend there who I'd like to be near, has two of the kids and it's close to NYC
DC- Hm. Visited a friend there, really like it. But his situation is up in the air. So on the list but doubt it.
Delaware- Just nah
Florida- Like it a lot but no. I do prefer a state that won't be taken out by hurricanes.
Georgia- Nope.
Hawaii- Hadn't even though about it till now. Hmmmm..nah, too far from every thing and everyone
Idaho- No, just no
Iowa- No, hell no
Illinois- Chicago is high on the list. Bum and Geri are there. Great city
Indiana- Nope, isn't it the Ala-fuckin-bama of the north?
Kansas- No, moving back across state line wouldn't even count as moving.
Kentucky- Nope
Louisiana- What did I say about the South? Stop asking.
Massachusetts- Boston is great, haven't been since I was a kid to be honest. But it just sounds like a great town. That said, not unless there's a great job there for me
Maryland- See DC
Maine- See Colorado
Michigan- Maybe with Alabama Whirly
Missouri- Show me the door
Minnesota- Have some family up there, really like it. But toooooo cold. Plus Prince is just fuckin' weird.
Mississippi- You know the answer
Montana- See Colorado
North Carolina- It's the south but, I'd almost consider it. V seems to have a nice set up there. But I hear there are NO women.
North Dakota- Yawn, no.
Nebraska- See Iowa
New Hampshire- Not gonna happen
New Jersey- Not unless T calls me
New Mexico- Nah.
New York- High on the list. Probably not the city. You gotta be rich to be poor there. Maybe back to Long Island. Cost of living is nuts though. But you can go home again.
Nevada- I said no to Vegas. But Tahoe could be interesting. Not on the list cause there's no reason to go. No family, friends or career as of now. But if any of those change, maybe.
Ohio- Have family in Cleveland. And always liked it there. Wouldn't rule it out.
Oklahoma- Nope. But they do grow some purty girls
Oregon- Would like to visit Portland but I don't see myself living there.
Pennsylvania- No real reason to consider it.
Rhode Island- Could be a really great life. Seems very laid back, chill on the beach. But no one moves to Rhode Island
South Carolina- Back to the south again?? No!
South Dakota- Yawn, no
Tennessee- Stop
Texas- Austin I'd consider. The rest, well as the song says. You can keep Texas, I want America back
Utah- I don't even want friends who have more than one wife. Or neighbors. Unless I can chill with Napoleon, hell no.
Virginia- For lovers huh? I got your love.
Vermont- See Maine
Washington- Seattle would be great. But probably too pricey.
Wisconsin- Weird state, always hear good things about it. Everyone from there loves it. Freaks. No
West Virginia- I'm thinking of a word. Rhymes with so, go, ho, yo, dough, blow. Wanna guess?
Wyoming- Have family in Jackson Hole, need to visit them actually. I said visit.
Adventures in House Sitting
Starting this Friday I'll be house sitting for some friends of mine. Nice house, 2 pugs and three cats. The lucky bastards are going to Hawaii. Now I've done this before for these friends. And some years ago, some thing happened that I think you sick souls will get a kick out of.
I was 23 at the time. So, just a couple years ago. And in the middle of the week, I had to call them on their vacation and have them find a replacement for me and my services. Hirp done got a lil sick. Some pesty thing called Chicken Pox. Yep. At 23. Do you know how much shit one gets for catching a bug that is usually found in 9 year old kids? My niece and nephew had just had it, and I had been over to see them. So Andrew was even asking how I could do that since he knew I had never had it before. I said no worriers, can't get it. As a kid, my mom tried to expose me to it so we could get it over with. And I never got it. Some how my sister got it twice. Guess we shoulda known then relapsing was gonna be a theme. Oh, low blow I know. But it was funny.
I started to get sick while at work one day. Was just freezing. Wearing a leather jacket, hovering over a frame warmer and still shivering. And did any of my co-workers offer to stay for me, or let me go home? No, not that day. Ass holes (yes you Plainsmoses!) They paid the price. Oh yes they did. I was out of work for about a week. Spent Thanksgiving sick in bed, with my nieces and nephews coming in to check on me. So we'll see what happens when I house sit next week. And this is like a 10 day gig this time. Think I might put the house on the market. Already scared Andrew with the idea that I was just gonna run naked laps around the house. And I hope he can explain all those 900 #s and movies on demand that were purchased. Get the feeling his wife is gonna be kinda mad.
At the same time these good people are going out of town, so are my parents. My parents live pretty close so I have to keep an eye on their house, bring in the mail and such. They're going to Arizona and gonna do a little looking around at houses. The plan for them is to retire to Arizona. Which I think is a great thing. But, it does lead me to start looking very seriously at leaving Kansas City. It's never been a secret that I didn't have the highest opinion of KC. But, I was content with staying for a while since my family was here. Now my brother and his family live in Ala-fucking-bama. Two kids live in CT. And the rents will be in Arizona. So, as much as I don't really want to leave my friends behind. It's time I start weighing my options. At this time I'm not leaning to any particular city or state. But I have a list. NY, CT, Cali, Chicago, Arizona and part of me would like to consider Austin Texas based on all the great things I've heard. That's the least likely. Let me tell you though, the cost of living is making KC very attractive. For what I pay in rent, I get a decent place in a great area. Same money in any of those other places gets me in the ghetto. And I only like going there to conduct my bidness.
This is where I'm going to sound like I've seen to many therapists. And you don't get to charge me $90 an hour to hear it. Suckers. I've stayed in KC all these years to be by my family. For one, I wanted to. I didn't get to grow up around extended family and the idea of being able to see my nieces and nephews grow up and be a hands on uncle (not in the catholic priest sorta way) was what I wanted. So I made sacrifices for my family and I have no doubt it was the right thing to do. But now it's time to do what I want. Did I mention I'm in my mid to late 20s? The problem is I'm really not sure what I want. And no, Vegas isn't on the list. Hmm..Future post: Places that are definitely OFF the list and why. Could be fun.
I was 23 at the time. So, just a couple years ago. And in the middle of the week, I had to call them on their vacation and have them find a replacement for me and my services. Hirp done got a lil sick. Some pesty thing called Chicken Pox. Yep. At 23. Do you know how much shit one gets for catching a bug that is usually found in 9 year old kids? My niece and nephew had just had it, and I had been over to see them. So Andrew was even asking how I could do that since he knew I had never had it before. I said no worriers, can't get it. As a kid, my mom tried to expose me to it so we could get it over with. And I never got it. Some how my sister got it twice. Guess we shoulda known then relapsing was gonna be a theme. Oh, low blow I know. But it was funny.
I started to get sick while at work one day. Was just freezing. Wearing a leather jacket, hovering over a frame warmer and still shivering. And did any of my co-workers offer to stay for me, or let me go home? No, not that day. Ass holes (yes you Plainsmoses!) They paid the price. Oh yes they did. I was out of work for about a week. Spent Thanksgiving sick in bed, with my nieces and nephews coming in to check on me. So we'll see what happens when I house sit next week. And this is like a 10 day gig this time. Think I might put the house on the market. Already scared Andrew with the idea that I was just gonna run naked laps around the house. And I hope he can explain all those 900 #s and movies on demand that were purchased. Get the feeling his wife is gonna be kinda mad.
At the same time these good people are going out of town, so are my parents. My parents live pretty close so I have to keep an eye on their house, bring in the mail and such. They're going to Arizona and gonna do a little looking around at houses. The plan for them is to retire to Arizona. Which I think is a great thing. But, it does lead me to start looking very seriously at leaving Kansas City. It's never been a secret that I didn't have the highest opinion of KC. But, I was content with staying for a while since my family was here. Now my brother and his family live in Ala-fucking-bama. Two kids live in CT. And the rents will be in Arizona. So, as much as I don't really want to leave my friends behind. It's time I start weighing my options. At this time I'm not leaning to any particular city or state. But I have a list. NY, CT, Cali, Chicago, Arizona and part of me would like to consider Austin Texas based on all the great things I've heard. That's the least likely. Let me tell you though, the cost of living is making KC very attractive. For what I pay in rent, I get a decent place in a great area. Same money in any of those other places gets me in the ghetto. And I only like going there to conduct my bidness.
This is where I'm going to sound like I've seen to many therapists. And you don't get to charge me $90 an hour to hear it. Suckers. I've stayed in KC all these years to be by my family. For one, I wanted to. I didn't get to grow up around extended family and the idea of being able to see my nieces and nephews grow up and be a hands on uncle (not in the catholic priest sorta way) was what I wanted. So I made sacrifices for my family and I have no doubt it was the right thing to do. But now it's time to do what I want. Did I mention I'm in my mid to late 20s? The problem is I'm really not sure what I want. And no, Vegas isn't on the list. Hmm..Future post: Places that are definitely OFF the list and why. Could be fun.
May 03, 2006
More shots from the Hirp
I don't really have much to post today. So just some random thoughts, and brief updates. Cause, you know, I think people are actually reading this with an interest in the world-o-Hirp.
First, something else people do to piss me off. Ever been behind a car, and they just can't seem to find the gas pedal? Just drives you nuts right? Now take that same jackass, and you finally get by them. Doing something around the speed limit instead of their 15 miles under. And you passed them a good 5 miles back. Suddenly, there they go. What the fuck?! How did they suddenly figure it out? Why wouldn't they have figured this out back when I was banging my head on my steering wheel and considering jumping from a moving vehicle. Just on principle, they should be shot. Maybe not killed. But one in the knee.
Now my update. In reference to a previous post where I asked if I should get this explanation I felt I was owed. I got it. Woohoo. One for Hirp. Was it satisfying? Well, to finally get it was nice. Didn't seem to change anything and give us a nice ending. Or at best a happy ending. But, happy to not have left things un-said. Really hate that. Good or bad, right or wrong. At some point it's gotta be said or I'll lose my hair. Ah, that explains it!!!
Last thought of the day. Saw a car ad on TV last night, and they were bragging about the horsepower and the overall feel of the ad was supposed to be what a great car for a road trip. Are you out of your ever loving mind? It was a beast. All I could think was, it'd be cheaper to stay at the Bellagio then take a road trip in that thing. Same thing that our beloved porqchop drives. But anyway, maybe it's time for advertisers to change the message? Like, crappy mileage but big enough you're whole family can actually live in it. So, you know, you can like afford to fill the tank without that silly mortgage getting in the way.
First, something else people do to piss me off. Ever been behind a car, and they just can't seem to find the gas pedal? Just drives you nuts right? Now take that same jackass, and you finally get by them. Doing something around the speed limit instead of their 15 miles under. And you passed them a good 5 miles back. Suddenly, there they go. What the fuck?! How did they suddenly figure it out? Why wouldn't they have figured this out back when I was banging my head on my steering wheel and considering jumping from a moving vehicle. Just on principle, they should be shot. Maybe not killed. But one in the knee.
Now my update. In reference to a previous post where I asked if I should get this explanation I felt I was owed. I got it. Woohoo. One for Hirp. Was it satisfying? Well, to finally get it was nice. Didn't seem to change anything and give us a nice ending. Or at best a happy ending. But, happy to not have left things un-said. Really hate that. Good or bad, right or wrong. At some point it's gotta be said or I'll lose my hair. Ah, that explains it!!!
Last thought of the day. Saw a car ad on TV last night, and they were bragging about the horsepower and the overall feel of the ad was supposed to be what a great car for a road trip. Are you out of your ever loving mind? It was a beast. All I could think was, it'd be cheaper to stay at the Bellagio then take a road trip in that thing. Same thing that our beloved porqchop drives. But anyway, maybe it's time for advertisers to change the message? Like, crappy mileage but big enough you're whole family can actually live in it. So, you know, you can like afford to fill the tank without that silly mortgage getting in the way.
May 02, 2006
Cashing In
So, genius Rick Rubin finished up some more Johnny Cash records and the result is two more albums that will be dropping. Leaving him just 9 post-pothumous albums behind Tupac. But really. Wasn't Johnny Cash just Eminem long before Em was Em? He killed people in his songs. Had a very public relationship with his wife, albleit a much more positive one. Was a hero to millions, and a villain to just as many. And both have fans who are fiercely loyal to them. Lots of artists have fans but, few have the same connection with their fans. Anyway, looking forward to well probably downloading the newest stuff.
The next big biopic in the tradition of Ray and Walk the Line, appears to be a movie about Miles Davis with Don Cheadle as Miles. Hollywood is struggling to find new ways to make creative movies but, a biopic about interesting people can always make for a great movie. And that's one interesting and amazing artist to try and capture in a movie, along with one of the most underrated actors working today.
Others I'd like to see:
Tupac (duh). I see Romany Malco as Pac. You know him as Jay from 40 Year Old Virgin. Not only does he some what look like Pac (C'mon, insert the joke yourself) but he had an energy about him in 40 year old, and Pac had a very unique energy.
And a movie about Brando. Although I'm not sure who could pull off playing him. Have to give that one some thought.
Who would you like to see a biopic about?
May 01, 2006
Sonuva......
There's a scene in Godfather III, Michael Corelone reacts to an attempt on his life. It's one of the few memorable scenes in the movie. In it, he says "just when I thought I was out, they PULL me back in."
Today I feel like that. It wasn't that I thought it was over. But it has been nearly a month since the kids left and all that went down. Then this weekend I get word that my parents heard from my sister. And I KNEW, so totally knew this day was coming. Maybe not as soon as it did. Or that it would happen how it did. But I knew we hadn't heard the last from her. And well, she admitted to have been using this entire time. But some how she heard that her lawyer got a 30 day extension on when her legal rights would be severed, and with like a week or so to spare she has popped up talking about how she doesn't want to lose her kids. Now what's weird is Saturday I was thinking about this. And this newest situation isn't actually the nightmare I nearly posted about.
No, that nightmare is still a few years away. When the kids have their lives up and running. And the boy has found his smile again. And the girl is probably nearing high school graduation, looking forward to college and that part of her life. The nightmare is right then. With everything finally going their way, that mom would pop back in their lives talking that "sorry" bullshit.
That doesn't take away from this being it's own bad dream. My parents had said they just wanted to know if she was alive and okay, and now that they do they kinda wish they hadn't heard. Myself, I didn't want to know. Before this, every time the phone rang and the caller ID said folks or dad I was afraid to pick up. Knowing sooner or later it would be one of three calls. The one call you'd think I'd be most afraid of, the one where they found her body somewhere is the one you'd think I'd fear most. I don't. And I might be a gigantic selfish prick for it. But that call, I almost want to get. It would bring that closure thing I've heard so much about. I don't know if it actually exists, especially in a situation like this. But it's the one thing that would prevent the next nightmare.
So I guess we'll see what happens. She knows where they are, and I think she'll be selfish enough to try and contact them. Which would just be another action, in a long line, that I can't forgive.
Today I feel like that. It wasn't that I thought it was over. But it has been nearly a month since the kids left and all that went down. Then this weekend I get word that my parents heard from my sister. And I KNEW, so totally knew this day was coming. Maybe not as soon as it did. Or that it would happen how it did. But I knew we hadn't heard the last from her. And well, she admitted to have been using this entire time. But some how she heard that her lawyer got a 30 day extension on when her legal rights would be severed, and with like a week or so to spare she has popped up talking about how she doesn't want to lose her kids. Now what's weird is Saturday I was thinking about this. And this newest situation isn't actually the nightmare I nearly posted about.
No, that nightmare is still a few years away. When the kids have their lives up and running. And the boy has found his smile again. And the girl is probably nearing high school graduation, looking forward to college and that part of her life. The nightmare is right then. With everything finally going their way, that mom would pop back in their lives talking that "sorry" bullshit.
That doesn't take away from this being it's own bad dream. My parents had said they just wanted to know if she was alive and okay, and now that they do they kinda wish they hadn't heard. Myself, I didn't want to know. Before this, every time the phone rang and the caller ID said folks or dad I was afraid to pick up. Knowing sooner or later it would be one of three calls. The one call you'd think I'd be most afraid of, the one where they found her body somewhere is the one you'd think I'd fear most. I don't. And I might be a gigantic selfish prick for it. But that call, I almost want to get. It would bring that closure thing I've heard so much about. I don't know if it actually exists, especially in a situation like this. But it's the one thing that would prevent the next nightmare.
So I guess we'll see what happens. She knows where they are, and I think she'll be selfish enough to try and contact them. Which would just be another action, in a long line, that I can't forgive.
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