The Hirp Plan

First, in the spirit of Spike Lee I must do the right thing. So here is a disclosure, I hate the Royals. I have since I moved here. Before that I actually dug them, as much as you can like an AL team. So the following isn't a Royals fan trying to fix this mess. More a baseball fan and a guy with an idea that might be so crazy it could actually work.

The Royals aren't bad. No, they're a good 5 years beyond bad. It's down right pitiful and embarrassing. I get that it's been a long time since they were good, so fans here are pretty much numb to it and don't care. But I have the fix for that.

It might not make them a winner, and let's be honest it probably won't. But it might just make them interesting again, and create a buzz that they so desperately lack.

The "plan," as I am so cleverly calling it, is something I typically despise. Reality TV. But let's see if we can do something good with it. Think Apprentice. And like Apprentice we need to start with a face and name people recognize and like. Plus it has to be someone credible, so that rules out anyone currently running the team. There's one guy, well maybe two, for the job. George Brett. Bo Jackson maybe but, he'd be better as a guest.

Another requirement may not be as easy. Royals fans as contestants. Finding them won't be easy. But not just Royals fans. True baseball fans, from all walks of life. And just to fuck with KC, you gotta have a Yankee fan. So you draw these contestants from KU, UMKC, even remedial schools like MU. Along with a few from other areas. And they have to compete in a series of challenges, aimed at marketing and advertising. Maybe they can come up with some creative ways to get people out to the ballpark, which is still a great place to see a game. It would just be nice to see two major league teams on the field.

Week by week one will get tossed, maybe have Brett stand at home and eject them as he was in Yankee Stadium for his pine tar covered bat. Or maybe that's a little harsh. The hope is the contestants would get players involved, let the community connect with them and even cheer for them. Get a buzz, any buzz. Think outside the lines, literally. And let the winner have the title of assistant-gm for a year and see what happens.

Truth is this won't make them a winner. So what, embrace losing. Field a team of guys KC can like and root for. Become lovable losers. Got the loser thing down to an art.