Murder, Poker and Mini-vans

Finally a suspect in the JonBenet Ramsey murder has been named. Ten years is all it’s taken huh? This must make the mother of that Holloway girl that vanished in Aruba feel a lot better now that there’s been an arrest in the JonBenet Ramsey murder. Actually, wow, this just hit me. Didn’t Holloway look a bit like she could be JonBenet all growns up? Never mind that the math does not add up, it’s all part of a conspiracy. Hmm. Also, I hear that OJ wants to question the guy they have in custody. And we all doubted that he was still looking for the real killer.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The conversation at poker night sure has changed; I’m not exactly sure when exactly it took place. Originally it was crude, rude and pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a room full of degenerate gamblers even if they were all white collar guys. Then I think we took a few weeks off and everyone had kids. Not just one, two maybe even three kids. Instead of overhearing a review of some ones porn collection, there were stories of diapers and first words. Really it’s totally cool yet, also a total shock to me at the same time. This past week there was talk about minivans and how convenient they really are. Now this isn’t just because I have an uncle who was a car designer for many years but, I drove a Nissan Qwest about six years ago and I swear it’s a nice ride. I mean I was a little annoyed that was the car they gave me to drive around San Diego in, I’m pretty sure it was a mean trick, but right then I knew it was the right car for any family. I have friends that swear they’ll never drive one, doesn’t matter if they have more kids then Shawn Kemp. But they’re lying to themselves, or they’re just stupid. First off all, you have kids. The time of being hip and cool in your life has passed. You can still be a cool mom or dad but, all that really means you don’t dress like a mom or dad and you spoil your kids. But don’t be a fool, get the minivan.

That’s not even the point here. This is actually for the wives. That think poker night is a great escape, where the guys are out being guys. No, they are bragging about their kids or worried about their daughter who happens to have an accident that rips out a few teeth. They swap stories about teething, birthday parties and not getting any sleep. Talk about joint family vacations and how much their wives put up with. Half of these stories and conversations make the idea of having a family of my own sound great. While the other half are the worlds best birth control. Really, you want to scare your kids out of having their own, make them hang out with little kids misbehaving. I don’t mean baby sit, parents don’t get paid and you won’t scare them if you reward them. Just have them spend two hours with a couple three year olds who have gone completely Tom Cruise and gone way off the reservation. It’s more effective then any health video. I’m in my late 20’s and I’m great with kids but, I’ve seen them turn into little devils and it’s not at all cute. Seriously, I mean a real mini-Lucifer.

Oh don’t worry it’s not all Brokeback Hold ‘em, there’s still farting, beer and all sorts of homo-phobic jokes made. And let’s not forget the 487 jokes made at my expense. I’m not even kidding. I am however, probably in deep shit for letting these secrets out. First I take their money, now I’ve broken man law. But it’s up to them to share this with their wives or not, so we’ll see what they do.