Should I Stay or Should I Go

I fear change. I know this doesn’t make me unique, most people don’t like change or even fear it. I talked/talk of moving to Chicago; get all excited about the prospects even. I day dream, and I hop online looking for work and apartments. In my head I run so many different scenarios that I make our President appear ill-prepared, okay bad example. I’ll even tell friends of my conundrum, and in most cases I’ll post something about. Trying to ignore the fact that I know deep down I most likely won’t pull the trigger.

Well, Chicago is still a thought but now there’s a new conundrum upon me. One that makes sense on so many levels yet is scary on even more. With the little following I’ve developed with my corner of the web, I’ve also seen my confidence in my writing rise. Then a friend suggested a career as a copywriter, and it’s been an idea I haven’t been able to shake. I’ve always taken great interest in advertising, thanks in large part to my cousin Eric and observing his career. I can’t think of many fields that are more exciting but, at the same time I never really thought it was for me. It always seemed to be more for the type-A personalities. So, I mention to my cousin that I saw an opening at a local agency for an entry level position and ask for some advice. Eric tells me that it isn’t so much my lack of a degree that will prevent me from getting the gig but, my lack of a portfolio. All hope isn’t lost, he tells me of these programs around the country where one can go and get an associates in specific areas. I, of course, begin surfing the net immediately. That’s when I see this:

“You can’t draw. The last film you developed was the one in your tub. The only designs you ever come up with are evil. And you can’t even lay out your clothes. But you’re a master of irony. A wizard of wit. A warrior with words. A book-reading, story-making, note-passing, joke-telling, encyclopedia of useless trivia and crazy ideas. You’re gonna be a great copywriter.”

Well I’ll be damned. I just read a near perfect description of myself, minus the fact I can lay out my clothes, and I don’t read all that many books. But now I see a career for myself. Something I think I could really enjoy doing and that would lead me to a city like Chicago. Seems like an easy decision right? Well, that’s when we get back to my first statement. I fear change. And this would require picking up and moving, not being able to work full-time, encoring huge debt and facing that other great fear of mine. A little thing called the fear of failure. Then a line from Tin Cup keeps echoing in my head, “a defining moment comes, and either you define the moment or the moment defines you.”

I know what I should do, and I know what I want to do. Sadly I’m afraid I know what I will do. But you know the game you play, if I won the lottery? That game, everyone plays that game. Well, now when I play this is one of the things I know I’d do. And I don’t have to win the lottery to do it. Just gotta pull the trigger.