Two Things..

I have a man-crush. I’m comfortable enough with myself that I can admit this, and I know I’ll be getting an earful for doing so. (cue mouthful joke from Porqchop) But you know what, I don’t care. It’s New York Mets shortstop, Jose Reyes. Love this kid. You haven’t seen anything like him. Not just his talent, but the excitement he plays with. It’s really like watching a 9 year old out there. He has all kinds of weird, intricate high-fives for his teammates. And you know how I usually feel about high-fives. Watching him watch the game is about as much fun as watching him play the game. We often see players who don’t seem to care, and treat it like a job rather than a game. So it’s refreshing to see a guy who genuinely has fun playing.

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Anyone who gets a DUI is pretty much an idiot, at least for that night. I have friends who have gotten ‘em, and they’ll be the first to admit it. It’s just pretty stupid. Never mind that it puts lives at risk, just financially speaking, it’s dumb. Rather than spend $30, maybe $60 on a cab, you end up shelling out at least a grand when it’s all said and done. That’s if you’re an average citizen. But for all these filthy rich celebrities, who seem to be racking up DUI’s faster than STD’s, it’s completely off the charts stupid. Mel Gibson, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Jerry Buss, and the entire roster of the Cincinnati Bengals’ must be some of the biggest morons on the planet.

Hire a goddamn driver, you idiots. Gibson made over $300 mil on Passion, the guy has his own Church on his estate. Why the hell was he even out driving himself that night? Hell, why does he even need to go out? I’ve seen “Cribs,” these people have entire bars and even nightclubs in their homes.

I heard that Lindsay does have a driver, as I’m sure the others do as well, but it was 4am so the driver wasn’t on duty and she was on a run to get some blow. That’s just dumb on so many levels. If you’re her dealer, do you really want her running over to pick up some candy? It’s not as if she’s ever followed by oh, 30 photographers. That’s a good way to stay under the radar. Have your picture taken as you sell a celeb coke. Why isn’t there some gopher, running between her and George Jung? Driver off duty? This dumb broad has a $10,000 cell phone, not bill, the phone itself is ten grand. She can afford to pay a driver some overtime, or even hire a driver just for the hours of 1am and 6am.

Dumbass Paris Hilton is going to do a little time for driving without a license. She doesn’t need to drive! Hell, she’s a target when she’s on the road. I’d love to get rear ended by her in her Bentley, (cure rear end her joke) we’re talking about a nice pay day. Then again, no one ever said these people were smart.