Hirpality TV

I still feel that Reality TV is the handy work of the devil, even if the devil is a room full of Jewish producers. But lord, I don’t been tempted by the devil. Forgive me, for I have sinned. And I’d like to place all the blame on my wife, thank ya kindly. I know, it’s not her fault, but I’m trying to keep my rep here. See, the other night, we watched a couple episodes of “the Two Coreys.”

It’s not really our fault, it was impossible to not be interested in it, when the previews showed the two guys pushing, pulling and slapping like school girls. We were curious to see these macho men fight it out, or cry it out through a session or two of couples counseling.

And we weren’t disappointed, it was complete trash, and completely hysterical. To hear Corey Feldman say, “when we were on screen together, we were unstoppable.”

Um, you fall just a little short of being Newman and Redford. Like Amy Winehouse falls short on staying sober. Really dude, Lost Boys and License to Drive were cheesy by 80’s standards. And now you’ve made a sequel to Lost Boys, because that was about as necessary as running a sprinkler in Iowa right about now.

The highlight/lowlight came when the boys who success left behind 20 years ago, started comparing molestation tales. Haim put it so eloquently, “you let me get fucked around in my life. Raped, so to speak, when I was 14 and a half.”

Okay, I’m not making light of rape here, but I’ve never heard someone make a statement like that. He was fucked around in life, raped, sorta? What does “so to speak” mean? And why did he tell us he was 14½? I thought the “and a half” ended with 9½. Is this some how more tragic because he was 6 months closer to 15? And Feldman’s defense, was that he was being molested at the same time. I read today that it wasn’t Michael Jackson, but his assistant. Again, I’m not making fun of rape here, but his assistant. Really? Do I need to spell out this joke? I’m so going to hell.

Totally off the subject, did anyone else notice Feldman’s crib? Or that Haim was able to just buy a place with a killer view? These guys can’t have money left from the 80’s, and Paris Hilton has put out better movies in the last 15 years. Man, the life of a has been aint so bad.

Looking at IMDB.com, I have to know who is directing the classic in waiting; Lost Boys: The Tribe. And it’s the great P.J. Pesce, you know him. He directed great movies, like Sniper 3 and From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman’s Daughter. His mini biography notes that he entered the Graduate Fil School and studied under Martin Scorsese, from who he received honors (which I find hard to believe) and Brian DePalma, from who he received an “F” (which I find very easy to believe). So I’m pretty sure he edited his own imdb.com biography. I bet he even updated his bio on Wikipedia.com. And shockingly, he has an entry there. Wait, this guy sold a screenplay for a record setting $2 million. (the Wikipedia entry has the dollar sign before 2, and says dollars after million; how redundant is that?) He is a “screen writer of note” but according to imdb, he has written episodes for “The Adventures of Chicgo and Guapo” as well as the screenplays for The Desperate Trail (which actually had a respectable cast), Body Waves and The Afterlife of Grandpa.

So a movie he penned hasn’t hit the screen, and it was the TV screen, since 1995. Yes, he’s most definitely a “screen writer of note.” And this blog puts me in the same stratosphere as Chuck Klosterman. And because I’ve played baseball, you can also refer to me as “a baseball player of note.” Wow, I really didn’t mean to spend so much time on P.J. Pesce. I bet he finds this blog, you know he’s going to google his name. Probably does it ever other Thursday.

Last thing about Lost Boys 2, isn’t funding a show for these two, going a little far to promote a movie that is only going to be direct to video? If you want to see a Haim and Feldman classic, rent Blown Away. I’m convinced that Reese Witherspoon stole Nicole Eggerts career. And HBO hasn’t been the same since producing that classic.

Anyway I am, still adamantly, against all contest based Reality TV. I think its all garbage, but I can forgive someone who has been whored out their entire lives for deciding to whore themselves out for another shot at fame. I can’t forgive any pedestrians for whoring themselves out for their 15 minutes. Just get a blog, and get off my Tele.

While I’m in my little reality confessional booth, the one show that is actually decent and worth watching is: Gene Simmons, Family Jewels. It’s amazing how cool, relatively normal and down to earth that family is. And most importantly, they are hysterical.

I'm thinking maybe I didn’t need that last 5 milligrams of Focalin this morning.