Went to Crown Center today (D’Bronx, yum) for lunch today and had a couple questions afterwards.
• Why do fortune cookies always say something positive? Seriously, at least once in a while shouldn’t it say something more realistic? Like, your wife is cheating on you. Your friends don’t really care for you. Your meal was made from neighborhood cats. Something other than how great we are would be great
• Second question. There was a sign outside D’Bronx, “Voted Best Pizza in Kansas City 2005.” Shouldn’t there be a limited time period on how long they can have that?
• I got a pack of Fruit Stripe gum, you know this gum. It’s only like, the best gum ever. I haven’t had it in years; the complaint was always that the flavor didn’t last. You’d think with the advances in gum technology, they would have figured out how to extend the flavor by now. Every other pack of gum brags about their long lasting flavor, Fruit Stripe continues to be the KU of gums. Good for one, maybe two rounds, then time to toss it.
But now I know what I want to do with my life. I want the job of determining how long a gums flavor lasts. Do they judge it on per chews, minutes or what? How do I get this gig? Personally, I think you gotta go by chews. There are so many different styles of gum chewing. You have the chomper, the bubble blowers, silent chewers who don’t really chew. Total bites is the most fair way to judge
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