For nearly twenty years two people, who in very different ways meant a lot to me, have lived oddly parallel lives. One was my hero, my favorite baseball player Dwight "Doc" Gooden. The other was my sister. But both have battled what appears to be a losing effort against drugs. And the highs, and lows have taken place around the same times, and hit similar lows that it's just been eerie.
Yesterday, as we went to court for a trial for my sister to lose custody, Doc Gooden was in court in Florida having his freedom taken away after yet another relapse. And that's where they both stand now, in prison, although very different prisons. One physical, the other self imposed.
One of the better memories I have of time with my sister happened to be going to a Met game in 1987. It was a year after they won the World Series, and for showing up we got posters with a beautiful shot of game 7. Dad also got us hats. I still have both, my hat and poster nearly 20 years later. And it wasn't the game I remember. I remember just one detail. What I remember vividly was the four of us walking into Shea, getting the hats. And it really wasn't that my family was some die hard Met fans, just me. Yet they got involved as a way to connect with me, which I always thought was way cool.
1987 started off with Doc in rehab for the first month of the season. And it was just a few months after that game with my sister and parents, that my sister went into rehab for the first time as well. There were lumps and bumps and relapses. Then a period where both seemed to be on the right track. Both had new surroundings in 1996. Doc in a Yankee uniform, my sister in Kansas. Doc pitched a no hitter, I remember jumping up and down on my bed in my dorm room like I was 9 again. My sister had a boyfriend my family actually liked. She had removed herself from a bad situation with her husband. She was working, things were great.
I never even touched alcohol till I was 19. Wasn't drunk till I was 21. Never touched a drug in my life. My own choices? Sure. But I saw the worst of what it does when it ruined the lives of two very different people, who meant two very different things to me. And to this day, I still carry Doc's rookie baseball card around in my wallet. I guess I haven't given up just yet.
3 comments:
I understand, and do accept that it's technically a disease. But at the same time, I guess I don't. I mean, anyone can get atticted to just about anything. Some are pre-disposed, some get there on their own. But I do believe there are still choices made by the addicts. Someone chooses to go into rehab. Someone chooses to relapse. I know and get that its the addiction leading them to do so. I get that, kidna I guess.
I guess its hard for me to accept as a "disease" on the same level as like diabetes or cancer, or any number of others. I get that people become dependent on it, and physical withdrawl. But in a lot of cases, Ithink people choose to have a drink, or get high to avoid dealing with something else. That, in my opinion is a poor choice..espcially if the person knows they are an addict. And I think what I understand best is I dont understand shit here:)
Intellectually, I get that its a disease. Ive told my nieces and nephews that moms sick, its not that she doenst love you or anything they've done. On that level, for me, it computes as a disease. But I guess for me anyway, its like seeing anyone with a disease who makes a choice to not do what is needed to fight it. My moms a cancer survivor, and even though it wasnt lung cancer, I do get angry with her when I see her smoke. My dad has had heart trouble, if he didnt take care of himself and act accordingly, I'd be angry with him. Cause I think once you know you have a problem, or a disease..you still have choices..
Really, in everything in life..you always have a choice..could be a terminal disease, you still can choose how you want to go..sometimes theres just choices that only you deal with so there's really no right and wrong..but when it's something that has a direct impact on other people, there is a right choice, and a wrong choice. not easy/hard, not even close to easy or hard. But I think my sister, or Gooden have made horrible choices..were the predisposed or not working with what most people have when it comes to making a choice? Probably. But I still think the weight lays on them. They know they are addicts. It's still their choice on how they face it. I dont mean it to sound cold, like to hell with them. Not at all what I'm saying.
Say someone has AIDS, they can let it kill them, or take their medicine and choose to live longer. So I guess whats tricky about addiction is its like 50% physical, 50% mental..just so you know, Im not like trying to argue or say im right, you're wrong..I think really, we're both right.
Well now lets find something fun to argue about ..this site has gotten depressing lately;) And KU-MU is played out.
Hmmmmm..time to ponder the next post, oh yeah and do some work
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