"The Realest Shit I Ever Wrote"

So tomorrow is D Day. A day I've been dreading for, well years really. See, tomorrow is the day my sister officially loses all and any legal rights to her kids. She has a bit of a chemical dependency problem, her kids are the one's getting screwed. And I know everyone has crap in their lives, and I'm not trying to get pity or win any pissing contests. Simply just writing, well as Tupac called it, the realest words I ever wrote.

I've been an uncle now for nearly 15 years. Half my life. And nothing has ever defined me more, nothing ever fit me better. Not just with my nieces and nephews, with friends and their kids. When friends refer me as Uncle Gregg when talking to their kids, there couldn't be a bigger compliment. And for 15 years I looked these kids in the eye and said if you ever need anything, you call Uncle. (what they call me, not Uncle Gregg, just Uncle..always liked that) And here the shit really hit the fan, and I came up short. Was not taking on 4 kids, ages 3-14 to live with me in a small 2 bedroom apartment the wise decision? I'd like to think so. But it still fucking sucked. And I think will always feel like I made the wrong call. Now they're split up, with the oldest two going to live in Connecticut as of this weekend. The most insignificant issue here is my feelings of my own failure.

The big plate of shit, is what those kids have on their table. I've said I believe in odds, well these kids keep getting the odds stacked against them. And nothing is better than a story where someone overcomes the odds, and I hope and believe they can. You still never want to see anyone you care about so short stacked, with long odds. Talk about helpless. And helpless is gotta be the worst thing.

So yeah, you could say I'm pretty angry. At my sister, who if she is still alive turns 35 in 2 weeks. Mad at myself for not being able to do what I think I should. Mad that I didn't finish school when I should have, cause then I might be in a better position.

As much as I've always gotten a kick out of comments on here, I'm actually not looking for any "oh so sorry" or any of that. I'm really not looking for a pep talk, don't take that the wrong way. And this post will only be up for a few days. I just felt like giving this outlet a shot. Now, I'm gonna go play some Godfather and fuck some people up.